Search found 802 matches

by John G
Sat Jan 31, 2015 11:43 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: The Chain
Replies: 407
Views: 190174

Re: The Chain

Love love

[youtube]http://youtu.be/KdELzBV9pyo[/youtube]
by John G
Sat Jan 31, 2015 11:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Poems condensed into single lines, with titles!
Replies: 9
Views: 742

Re: Poems condensed into single lines, with titles!

Like the concept and looseness of this. The surreal juxtaposition between each set is great. Not sure if there is a narrative running through it or an overriding idea but great all the same.

Love the line about the communists.
by John G
Tue Apr 01, 2014 7:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: a monkey could do that
Replies: 9
Views: 727

Re: a monkey could do that

Antcliff and , thanks for the thumbs up. Appreciated as always. Ros, given the feedback from Penguin, if I implied the monkey then the it was can be removed. And Penguin, yep, agreed, it would be better implied and sorry for the lack of humour! Also do you know who this is about? Only ask as the gin...
by John G
Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: a monkey could do that
Replies: 9
Views: 727

a monkey could do that

Version Two (no major changed. just the removal of explicit monkey references - no added humour) On Monday I went to work to find my boss had replaced by a big hairy thing with a leathery hand and a firm grip. Our first departmental meeting was awkward, what with his inability to talk and his desire...
by John G
Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Flid
Replies: 9
Views: 546

Re: Flid

not really sure what's being said here or what the intentions are.

I am a stupid jerk
Sane at home, but daft at work
Exhibiting the many quirks
I'm never able to explain

seems to give the impression of a David Brent character, annoying and sad rather than depressed.
by John G
Tue Mar 25, 2014 8:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Big Ideas (don't get any)
Replies: 3
Views: 301

Re: Big Ideas (don't get any)

really like the automatic writing / stream of consciousness vibe. Not a great fan of the third bit, all that bladder/ladder etc but think it really picks up in India. I'm not going to say I understand what any of it means but that's what I enjoyed about it. I can imagine The Fall "singing" this whic...
by John G
Tue Jul 23, 2013 10:13 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: The Chain
Replies: 407
Views: 190174

Re: The Chain

a song about Regan (but not skeletons)

http://youtu.be/Su0Hvt6hTmA
by John G
Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: death at the yo-yo factory
Replies: 7
Views: 626

Re: death at the yo-yo factory

hi all - Ros and Seth, thanks for the feedback. Your right, it doesn't really go anywhere but I rather like the fact its relatively self contained and needs little explanation (I hope...), also Ros, have made the it's amended. Champion, thanks, glad you liked the imagery! David, thanks for the point...
by John G
Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: death at the yo-yo factory
Replies: 7
Views: 626

death at the yo-yo factory

I've seen the decimation of a town
when it's specialist industry closes

that yo-yo factory where workers hung themselves from lampposts
and bounced up and down

up and down.
by John G
Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: wasted life / lost in corridors (edit)
Replies: 10
Views: 852

Re: found in corridors

thanks for the feedback people.

Ive tidied up the last part so hopefully it reads better - nothing major
by John G
Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Charity Walk-On The Moors (haibun)
Replies: 8
Views: 517

Re: Charity Walk-On The Moors (haibun)

rather enjoyed that - I've recently been looking into haibun, like the idea of a part prose / part poem and agree with David that the poetry sections are far stronger then the prose. I did think the first line, would be better without the Afghanistan reference, I much preferred the surreal / superhe...
by John G
Mon Jun 17, 2013 6:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: wasted life / lost in corridors (edit)
Replies: 10
Views: 852

Re: found in corridors

Hello Seth, Thanks for the feedback. Re: the stationary / stationery line - would it help if I said I meant it to read that way to give the impression his life was full of inertia, wasn't moving anywhere? I thought not :). But if you got the "Lost, wasting life in large office " vive then I pitched ...
by John G
Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: wasted life / lost in corridors (edit)
Replies: 10
Views: 852

wasted life / lost in corridors (edit)

Version 2 lost in office corridors that appear endless that stretch on for miles through unchartered architectural plans meeting rooms of people meeting projectors wide screen tele- conferences with colleagues in countries new latitudes and dialling codes where the currency is colourful and worthles...
by John G
Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:22 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: The Chain
Replies: 407
Views: 190174

Re: The Chain

from country JOE and Vietnam all the way to Washington and the straight edge of Fugazi

http://youtu.be/jNTboa7lA0w
by John G
Sat Jun 08, 2013 11:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: I Never Wanted To Be Your Ten-Year Stand
Replies: 8
Views: 547

Re: I Never Wanted To Be Your Ten-Year Stand

Rather like this account of a one night stand and think that the first half works well on its own and doesn't really need the second half.

Sort of like the roused / doused rhyme as well -

And a big fan of the title - so hurrah and well done.
by John G
Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:15 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: The Chain
Replies: 407
Views: 190174

Re: The Chain

tenuous link but offspring = son

http://youtu.be/ec0XKhAHR5I
by John G
Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Missing the last bus
Replies: 6
Views: 465

Re: Missing the last bus

Really like the first two lines.. A hearse curb crawls close by, we know that driver's fare is far too high. and is the rest about a drunk angel? That would be great poem in its own right. As for the structure, I'm personally not a great fan of poems that rhyme - simply because it often seems that w...
by John G
Wed Jun 05, 2013 7:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: journey to work on a bus
Replies: 11
Views: 1051

Re: journey to work on a bus

Og, following on for your last post, Ive been looking into haibun and am just getting my head around the structure etc but its something I want to explore (along with more haiku) as I'm looking at ways to simplify my writing.

Can you suggest any good examples you could recommend?
by John G
Mon Jun 03, 2013 1:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: journey to work on a bus
Replies: 11
Views: 1051

Re: journey to work on a bus

one and all, thanks for the collective thumbs up. Kev, they say write about what you know, and I many hours on busses and trains and luckily it provides plenty of time to think and observe and that's where this piece came from. In fact I've written a series of short bits (well, they are mainly faceb...
by John G
Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sleep
Replies: 4
Views: 441

Re: Sleep

Agreed that its easy to read I think the idea that everyone can be, or as the potential to be an artist is a noble thought. Which probably explains why we are here on this site, trying to sharpen out tools, so to speak. As Og said, a good clear structure, however, the image of a plastic bag blowing ...
by John G
Fri May 31, 2013 1:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: journey to work on a bus
Replies: 11
Views: 1051

journey to work on a bus

I am facing the way I am moving and I think this seat is damp and the man in front, he is counting lamp-posts as they go by one, two, he doesn’t know if he should include telegraph poles as lamp-posts, a pause a decision, no, three, four etc etc. To my right a boy wears headphones so large, its like...
by John G
Fri May 31, 2013 1:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Stealth Games
Replies: 6
Views: 698

Re: Stealth Games

though the whole piece could have done without the second part as it just brings images of prisoners scrubbing toilets with toothbrushes, which Im sure wasn't the intention or the image you wanted?

If it was, then you were spot one.
by John G
Fri May 24, 2013 12:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Micronation
Replies: 10
Views: 598

Re: Micronation

hello there, I rather liked the imagery and the ideas behind it, especially the My beaches are littered with used needles and the tide smells of insulin makes a change from beaches full of used condoms, plastic bottles and dog shit. However, not sure why the change from the mans country to yours? an...
by John G
Fri May 24, 2013 11:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: park
Replies: 9
Views: 687

Re: park

Mac. like the suggestions. Will most certainly lose the dew, clichéd and weak. And I like the idea of litter having / making noise. A can being blown by the breeze. Something to work in maybe? David 2 (what happened to David1?) - hello there - I find parks slightly eerie early in the morning - the s...
by John G
Fri May 24, 2013 11:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: never been the stuff of woman's
Replies: 7
Views: 625

Re: never been the stuff of woman's

thanks for the feedback people. Agree with the double spacing, looks pretty awful! Nash, I think I was trying something different hence the deviation from the norm , but will have to revisit it (and start with changing the spacing) - maybe with this one I'm best start from the bottom and work up. An...