Search found 5994 matches

by ray miller
Wed Nov 25, 2020 1:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: THE CLOSING & REOPENING OF THIS FORUM
Replies: 28
Views: 1488

Re: THE CLOSING & REOPENING OF THIS FORUM

Many thanks to Nicki and Cam for putting up with us so long. I'll join the new site. Do they serve alcohol?
by ray miller
Thu Nov 12, 2020 1:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pushing At An Open Door
Replies: 5
Views: 502

Re: The Drug Lunch

Thanks both. Not - you're probably right about the title, much as I like it. There is too much lunch/launch at the start. I disagree about the worth of S2.
I'll take "curious" and "God's", thankyou.
Mac - can one become too aware of rhymes? I mean, why else have them?
by ray miller
Tue Nov 10, 2020 12:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pushing At An Open Door
Replies: 5
Views: 502

Pushing At An Open Door

I thought the memo must be mistaken: The Drug Lunch seemed rather brazen. They probably meant Drug Launch, of course, so I went along just the once, curious to find out what was cooking. Freeloaders fill up at the monthly drug lunches on sandwiches, biscuits, biros and badges. They put on a spread, ...
by ray miller
Tue Nov 10, 2020 12:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Masquerade
Replies: 3
Views: 322

Re: Masquerade

A few thoughts - not keen on absent tea, invisible tea or empty cups? collapse rather than have failed?
Perhaps "We say that we're preparing them..."
I like the ending, best part
by ray miller
Mon Nov 09, 2020 9:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The end of (revision3)
Replies: 6
Views: 439

Re: The end of (revision)

Wouldn't it be more to the point if the 2nd "complete" were omitted? And so it was sensed and consequence seeped - I think these 2 lines could be better. Consequence seems more likely to fill than to seep, I'd have thought. "consequence sought what ought to follow the" Just a thought to seek what wa...
by ray miller
Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Snowmen
Replies: 4
Views: 416

Re: Snowmen

Thanks for the suggestions. I've tried various combinations preceding "morning", by, of, at, in. I'm just going with "at" for the rhyme - when all else fails...
I quite like pitter-patter meaning, but I am reconsidering.
by ray miller
Tue Nov 03, 2020 9:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Snowmen
Replies: 4
Views: 416

Snowmen

The children flew
and snow-hush fell
upon stone
and at a morning

the soft tattoo
of feet on felt
froze
pitter-patter meaning.

He bends and raises
replicas,
remembrance
of past faces

shovels, brushes,
signatures
December’s
masterpieces.
by ray miller
Mon Oct 26, 2020 10:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Submit
Replies: 6
Views: 598

Re: Poor Poem

Thank for the comments. I really need a more helpful title for this. It's a meta-poem.
by ray miller
Mon Oct 26, 2020 10:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils
Replies: 8
Views: 618

Re: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils

I checked back on the original. I miss the Doldrums and the barrelman. I find the 4th stanza is the least convincing, bit too convoluted.
by ray miller
Mon Oct 26, 2020 10:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Life, Interrupted
Replies: 5
Views: 553

Re: Life, Interrupted

Like Luke, I much preferred the last 2 stanzas, though "breed" wouldn't be my choice - something watery beckons. 3rd stanza, I just think the signalling is too obvious, the poetic equivalent of a hospital pass.
by ray miller
Mon Oct 26, 2020 10:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Giant of Crabber Nase (v6)
Replies: 17
Views: 1722

Re: The Giant of Crabber Nase (v4)

Very entertaining. I had slight problems with the rhythm in a few places, the 2nd stanza in particular. Maybe A figure on the hillside cut into white limestone as everyone lay asleep. The cadet swore that aliens did it with ray guns, how else could they be so precise?" while in many a privy 'innocen...
by ray miller
Fri Oct 23, 2020 8:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: January 4th
Replies: 4
Views: 632

Re: January 4th

He meets the scene visit - I can't make any sense of that and find the rest pretty impenetrable. I see that parts of the poem are being repeated elsewhere, but that's not helping.
by ray miller
Fri Oct 23, 2020 8:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Submit
Replies: 6
Views: 598

Submit

At the moment of birth when you move into focus my eyes burn at deformities and jaundice the way you gulp for air. The cord is broken blood sponged up and now you’ve shown them far too much. A flashing knife and litter fills the bin. My flannel wipes the spittle from your chin. Every orifice is plug...
by ray miller
Wed Oct 21, 2020 8:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Chrysalis - revised
Replies: 10
Views: 847

Re: Chrysalis - revised

S2 - I can see how this links to Catherine (and reduces the ambiguity that the 'pretend' Catherine played was with N, that she said she remembered her dad, when she didn't) but how does this connect to the caterpillars. Catherine does remember her Dad, that's the whole point. The caterpillars ascen...
by ray miller
Tue Oct 20, 2020 10:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Chrysalis - revised
Replies: 10
Views: 847

Re: Chrysalis - revised

I hadn't thought of that, mac. Old photos might be forbidden, but not necessarily, I think.
by ray miller
Tue Oct 20, 2020 10:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pandora's Jar
Replies: 5
Views: 564

Re: Pandora's Jar

http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=20908&p=174362&hilit=Pandora#p174362
Great minds and all that.

Who carried us
into your house? - Who is us and whose house are you on about?

I wonder about "and to pass on" for the last line.
by ray miller
Mon Oct 19, 2020 1:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Chrysalis - revised
Replies: 10
Views: 847

Re: Chrysalis

Thanks for the comments. Not, I shall change "ascend". I'll have a think on lines15-16. I suppose I preferred somersaulting to tumbling because of the sense of deliberation or rehearsal involved. Perry - In saying Not because their brains fall out the N is meant to be echoing the child's question. M...
by ray miller
Mon Oct 19, 2020 12:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Love or Gas
Replies: 8
Views: 749

Re: Love or Gas

Wouldn't Love Is Gas be a more appropriate title? The central metaphor does little for me, but then I don't drive a car. I did enjoy the penultimate stanza, but the most interesting passage for me is this Love is such a troublesome thing. Good people love, bad people don’t, which puts the pressure o...
by ray miller
Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Seasonal Adjustment
Replies: 7
Views: 648

Re: Seasonal Adjustment

I liked the hedgehogs too. The 3rd stanza is very good, though I'd prefer
lethargy overwhelms
my lounge on the couch,

Do swallows swing on telegraph wires? Something like chatter might be better.

slump deeper into pillows
of hopelessness. -I'd lose that line
by ray miller
Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Making Sense
Replies: 3
Views: 655

Re: Making Sense

Reminds me of Dylan Thomas. It's touch that wets the light. That sounds great, at first glance, but I don't know what it, or the rest of the poem, means.
by ray miller
Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Chrysalis - revised
Replies: 10
Views: 847

Chrysalis - revised

Version 2 We watch green caterpillars climbing the pink wall of our house. Relentless tractors, gravity conquerors. They won’t get in your window, I tell her, just find a height where they feel safe, hang upside down for a week or so, wrap themselves in a silken overcoat then emerge as butterflies. ...
by ray miller
Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Four Sunday Gods -v3
Replies: 19
Views: 1368

Re: Four Sunday Gods -v3

Thanks, mac.
by ray miller
Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Forwarding
Replies: 7
Views: 746

Re: Forwarding

I think you might need to enlarge upon the difference between estar and ser for people like me. frilly criteria - I don't like the expression. I can guess at what you mean, but to me they seem like 2 words that should never sit next to each other. he consults his press - my first thought was emails,...
by ray miller
Thu Oct 15, 2020 8:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Four Sunday Gods -v3
Replies: 19
Views: 1368

Re: Four Sunday Gods -v3

You're right, mac. You may be right, Not. Still thinking on that.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 14, 2020 9:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Four Sunday Gods -v3
Replies: 19
Views: 1368

Re: Paragliders

I've decided that the 5th line will now read Three bubbles burst from the surface
I'm having difficulty with the next line. I need glass, not necessarily champagne. So I'm thinking something like - for the hillsides curve like a glass. But better than that!