Search found 5962 matches

by ray miller
Mon Apr 20, 2020 9:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 22
Views: 1105

Re: Visitors

I think it's very good. A few observations - oblivious now to winter’s gales. - rhythm slightly off here. Maybe "forgetful now of winter's gales"? Shouldn't bluebell be one word? For bird flu was the stealthy strain, the scourge that threatened all his schemes, a virus stalks him once again, the fea...
by ray miller
Sun Apr 19, 2020 11:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Analgesia
Replies: 9
Views: 592

Re: Analgesia

Thanks, JJ. I checked and it was 2009 I first wrote it. Actually, I think omitting "the" before theatre is more likely to point readers in the right direction. Thespians act in the theatre, surgeons operate in theatre - that's what I thought. As for what's going on in that stanza, in my nursing care...
by ray miller
Fri Apr 17, 2020 6:10 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Culture Matters
Replies: 1
Views: 252

Culture Matters

http://www.culturematters.org.uk/index.php/arts/poetry/item/3326-anarchy-rules
by ray miller
Fri Apr 17, 2020 10:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adult Play
Replies: 8
Views: 375

Re: Adult Play

Very nice. I think the ending is a bit weak, but not much else to find fault with. swift as a sword to the mouth. -an odd phrase in any context eyes heavy as stage curtains. - I like that very much reasoning and rocking with shhs and oos, - Maybe oohs and aahs - gives a bit of a rhyme with climax He...
by ray miller
Fri Apr 17, 2020 9:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Analgesia
Replies: 9
Views: 592

Re: Analgesia

Thanks for the comments. This is an old poem I dug out and have already cut quite considerably. Perry - the sweets are bright in that they're alluring. The bullet-proof vest refers to the wholesale prescribing of statins. There are physicians who argue that statins should be compulsory for those of ...
by ray miller
Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ghost-Meat
Replies: 5
Views: 419

Re: Ghost-Meat

Nice idea. I'm wondering what it was a mis-translation of. Maybe "but somehow correct" is better as "but perhaps correct". The haunted houses line seems out of kilter with the rest, too jokey -if that's a word. I think your spellchecker nodded off at the last two lines - upheaval, digestible.
by ray miller
Thu Apr 16, 2020 7:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Five hundred yards from home
Replies: 6
Views: 416

Re: Five hundred yards from home

I much prefer the original, mostly I think because it seems more honest, more authentic. The revisions take on an air of importance, too much knowingness. The repeating first lines don't help at all.
by ray miller
Thu Apr 16, 2020 7:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: An exchange
Replies: 9
Views: 560

Re: An exchange

What's a pob? I didn't know what a lardon was either, but I found that in the dictionary. Now I've discovered a word that rhymes with hard-on I know I shan't rest until I've used them in a poem. I like the original opening verse, gives a bit of sinister to the poem. On the other hand, I'd prefer "th...
by ray miller
Wed Apr 15, 2020 11:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 5am & Philosophical
Replies: 17
Views: 741

Re: 5am & Philosophical

I like it apart from the 2nd stanza, which I can't get my head around. I saw your comment on sleep as a commodity. Okay, wouldn't "sleep has a currency" be truer?
Is it important that the street is Spanish? - "by the street's insistent tide" flows better.
by ray miller
Wed Apr 15, 2020 10:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Warmth
Replies: 8
Views: 535

Re: Warmth

I like it. I think the 2nd stanza could be better

Love was a messy thing;
I wasn’t any good at it.
And sex was even worse —
all those bodily fluids,

not to mention diseases...

Also, I think you should end on "For me, that's more than enough." - a humorous nod at the enormous size.
by ray miller
Wed Apr 15, 2020 10:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Analgesia
Replies: 9
Views: 592

Analgesia

We reel them in with Ritalin, (Big Pharma pockets the profit) Prozac and Amphetamine – it gets so hard to come off it. Increasing dependency doses, the playground exchange of bright sweets; damned by a dual diagnosis, the endless prescription repeats. A bullet-proof vest to manage stress is obligato...
by ray miller
Wed Apr 08, 2020 11:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reputation
Replies: 10
Views: 615

Re: Reputation

Thanks all. Jackie - glad you liked it. What I am considering as a title is Being Seen. Not - yeah, dashes are a good idea, that passage did bother me. I need the vegetarian line, it's to emphasise N's priorities. Tristan - what David said, really. Mac - so far as N is concerned, it's more about bei...
by ray miller
Wed Apr 08, 2020 10:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adios
Replies: 15
Views: 729

Re: Adios

I like the punctuated skirting board very much. The mossy clump of years is a bit bland in comparison. If you're looking to cut then I wouldn't miss these lines - Adios to family, to a housemate and friend who shared our home with a newborn. I was quiet once, - I like the line, but "silent" comes to...
by ray miller
Sun Apr 05, 2020 5:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 1230

Re: In Isolation (v4)

How thin are the walls of our cells. That's better rhythmically and you don't need a question mark. Tell me how that doesn’t need a question mark? IMO, it needs one. Cheers, Tristan How sweet is the sound of the lark. You wouldn't put a question mark there, because it's pretty obvious that it's a s...
by ray miller
Sun Apr 05, 2020 3:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Once More, With Meaning
Replies: 9
Views: 908

Re: Once More, With Meaning

Is this about Scrabble? Could be. I love the last 7 lines. I'm just not sure what to make of these lines -

But you slap scat alongside me
first top and then bottom.

Does scat have meaning or just a scrabble word?
by ray miller
Sun Apr 05, 2020 3:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 1230

Re: In Isolation (v4)

How thin are the walls
of our cells.

That's better rhythmically and you don't need a question mark.
by ray miller
Sun Apr 05, 2020 3:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Self-Isolation - revised
Replies: 11
Views: 1061

Re: Self-Isolation - revised

Thanks all. You're right about the plural, Jules.
by ray miller
Sun Apr 05, 2020 2:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Brief Word for Rooms
Replies: 13
Views: 674

Re: A Brief Word for Rooms

If you're addressing an occupant of the house then the opening 3 lines ring false, I think. That said, I think the rest of Hallway is the best part of the poem. I love the stairs and ballerina lines. "fog" the windows with steam - better? I’d speak in a whisper if I spoke at all. I’m small and under...
by ray miller
Sun Apr 05, 2020 12:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reputation
Replies: 10
Views: 615

Reputation

It was never going to be enough to merit a round of applause of a Thursday evening. But as a means to get involved in the resistance, to meet other people and be observed to assist while keeping my distance, then fetching Mrs Shelley’s shopping was right up my street. She was happy to see a friendly...
by ray miller
Wed Mar 25, 2020 10:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Air-born
Replies: 12
Views: 1011

Re: Air-born

Hello Trevor. Enjoyed the poem. Courage crawls from twigs and moss. It wonders where your mother calls. An eyeblink waltz, no longer of land, now a creature of air. If "It" refers to courage then "your" mother seems wrong. Maybe "Courage crawls from twigs and moss wondering where its mother calls". ...
by ray miller
Wed Mar 25, 2020 10:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Self-Isolation - revised
Replies: 11
Views: 1061

Re: Self-Isolation - revised

Thanks for all the comments. I've posted a revision.
by ray miller
Wed Mar 18, 2020 3:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Self-Isolation - revised
Replies: 11
Views: 1061

Self-Isolation - revised

It was light at 6 when I woke up and wondered if we’ll change the clocks, or is that custom to be stopped like school and pubs, football, hugs? The kids are just as you’d expect: one who doesn’t give a shit, another cries herself to sleep and worries they won’t let you back. Everything’s so quiet, a...
by ray miller
Sun Mar 15, 2020 11:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Monday Tomorrow (v2)
Replies: 14
Views: 1260

Re: Monday Tomorrow (v2)

I think nameless loudmouth is much better than know-it-not. Shibboleths is good. There's a tendency amongst the nursing profession to look upon would-be suicides as wasting their time when they could be looking after people with real illnesses. Speaking personally, as an ex-psychiatric nurse, I reme...
by ray miller
Sun Mar 15, 2020 10:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 526

Re: The Swell Mob

Thanks, fellas. Actually, I think I need another stanza which would be about The Swell Mob. I agree about the title but I love the name and there was such a band. Paul Weller created The Style Council after The Jam. Not dissimilar. It's a true-ish story. The Blondie incident is true, apart from the ...
by ray miller
Tue Mar 10, 2020 10:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Billions of stars (v3)
Replies: 16
Views: 1220

Re: Billions of stars (v3)

I'm reading my own meaning into this, I suppose, but I wondered about
so that when we gaze at the stars,