Search found 291 matches

by R. Broath
Fri Feb 13, 2009 10:04 am
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Kelly's Eye
Replies: 6
Views: 2840

Kelly's Eye

Two things. I am not sorry for myself, and I realise exactly where I am. Got that? Good. You see it's important that you know. It has been mentioned to me that it was feeling sorry for myself that got me in here. Bollix. Ofcourse I regret the way things have turned out. Who wouldn't? But who's to sa...
by R. Broath
Sat Jan 31, 2009 12:23 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: The Man in Black
Replies: 3
Views: 1911

Re: The Man in Black

Oh the list could be stretched much further, Ben; I haven't mentioned any of the ladies, Bonnie Raitt, Suzy Bogguss, Carlene Carter, Sheryl Crowe etc. But Johnny, although there were some greats before him, is the one I miss most.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Sat Jan 31, 2009 12:15 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Night Air
Replies: 3
Views: 1725

Re: Night Air

No. It's not so much of a problem now, David; after all, I was able to complete thirty years in the Fire Service in Belfast with the condition ( I just didn't mention it and by the time I joined it was controllable.) Maybe a little OTT but at the time (11 of 12 years old) it filled my nights and pre...
by R. Broath
Sat Jan 31, 2009 11:51 am
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Night Air
Replies: 3
Views: 1725

Night Air

Night scratched at me like splinters. Snatched sleep spun naught but wicked dreams of yellow air; rooms full of people whose blackened mouths frothed bubbling spit. Breathless hours of muffled respiration had written themselves into exhausted bones. Small movements provoked paroxysms of coughs. I at...
by R. Broath
Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:10 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Fibonnaci poem
Replies: 39
Views: 5106

Re: Fibonnaci poem

All
hurts
will heal
when given
love enough, and time.
Love will heal, given hurt enough.
by R. Broath
Mon Jan 26, 2009 7:58 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: The Man in Black
Replies: 3
Views: 1911

The Man in Black

Say Johnny hadn't drawn breath. Or if this man of faulty notes and tattered black had stayed the hick he claimed to be, and ground his days in baseball hat, backroad America. Would that matter? Say he'd thought the Voice unworthy; had never gone to Sun or heard Sam Phillips whoop and say, ' Jee- sus...
by R. Broath
Mon Jan 26, 2009 7:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cracked
Replies: 10
Views: 863

Re: Cracked

Others, Ray? I think my stuff is about as popular as Margaret Thatcher at a miner's rally. Anyway this was written about outsiders, or those whose perceptions are a tiny bit skewed and whose reality is different from most folks. One that I knew had few social skills but touchingly tried to make new ...
by R. Broath
Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cracked
Replies: 10
Views: 863

Cracked

Embedded in a crumbling boulder or sniffed as air released from some mouldy cellar; that's how he wished to arrive in the conscious thoughts of those who thought they knew him. He regarded them as the invaders while imaging himself as ripped open; a fingerprint, a sign. fully formed, normal, from da...
by R. Broath
Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Inauguration
Replies: 8
Views: 799

Re: Inauguration

Epic in its scale, Brendan, and grotesque in the manner of much legend. Some of the language seems too modern but the enthusiasm of the telling outweighs this minor niggle.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coping Mechanisms
Replies: 4
Views: 478

Re: Coping Mechanisms

Hi David. Yes, caprine is there just for alliteration and a 'loney' is just one of those little grass-spined lanes which always seem so inviting to children; a sort of verdant pathway to adventure.

Thanks for the read.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Sun Jan 25, 2009 6:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The History Boys
Replies: 6
Views: 556

Re: The History Boys

Thanks David. For instance, if you didn't have to have six stanzas (plus envoi), would you, unprompted, have taken so long to say what you say (very well) here? I wonder. It's a good point. But I think that obviously what's said would necessarily be covered differently and that is one of the attract...
by R. Broath
Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The History Boys
Replies: 6
Views: 556

Re: The History Boys

I think the attraction, and the limitations, of most formal writing is in the constrictions imposed. I suppose the easy way to do these would be to set a list of noun/verb interchanges but I considered that such a procedure might take away any spontaneity (although, as you point out, Ben, the form i...
by R. Broath
Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: waterfalls
Replies: 9
Views: 831

Re: waterfalls

Interesting concept, although slow reading. The only tiny niggle is with 'weight down' although as a reminder to myself it could be highly memorable.
Love the title and the idea, og.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The History Boys
Replies: 6
Views: 556

The History Boys

Slick as a pair of fish we sidled out. Away from Latin and its fiendish rules, from the old Brother flicking his cane at us when verbs and nouns, trapped like frantic animals, tumbled from us so wrong we hoped that he would cry. Away from school and the cry of boys ligging about, acting out last nig...
by R. Broath
Sat Jan 24, 2009 6:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The road south
Replies: 16
Views: 1534

Re: The road south

I wasn't so sure about this on first read David, but I found on reading it aloud that it actually induces a sort of mesmeric expectation and the 'thes' seemed to be a necessity. The only line which tripped me up a little was 'the numinous hints of mountains' I felt that 'hint' would lessen the insis...
by R. Broath
Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Slap and dash
Replies: 12
Views: 853

Re: Slap and dash

Great metaphor for the dash of ideas that find their way into poetry. The juxtaposition of 'ejaculate' and 'tossing' are quite obvious to an old reprobate like me and are cleverly interwoven, which adds a further element of enjoyment to an altogether enjoyable write.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Sat Jan 24, 2009 12:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The prison drama- edit
Replies: 5
Views: 475

Re: The prison drama- edit

Remarkable how a couple of words gives the whole a much more satisfying feel, isn't it? Good work to start with, Suzanne, and even better now, in my opinion. The 'spiked with dead flies' image is lovely in the sense that it brings to the mind's eye the withered wishes and abandoned hopes of the narr...
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The prison drama- edit
Replies: 5
Views: 475

Re: The prison drama

Lovely finish, Suzanne. The gentle pace of this suits the interior monologue technique. Only suggestions are; maybe cut the 'own' before 'self-imposed' and perhaps a more robust word here, and laced with dead bugs. Maybe ' studded with dead bugs' would give a more visual image. Like this and feel it...
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coping Mechanisms
Replies: 4
Views: 478

Re: Coping Mechanisms

Thanks Ros. I originally intended to give the 'sentry' a name but thought it would be too much information. I think you're right, too, about the 'oblivious streets' sentence; on rereading it sounds as though the 'I' is shining in blue light - careless! Its biographical content is accurate; pretty se...
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Crime
Replies: 7
Views: 632

Re: The Crime

I'm assuming the crime is both the literal death of Ern and the societal one of allowing his life to be contained in a carrier bag. I like the list of 'we knews' which open each stanza; it gives an impression of caring but is really, I suspect, just the voyeuristic fascination such wrecks hold - lik...
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fifteenth century fervour
Replies: 11
Views: 934

Re: Fifteenth century fervour

Inky revolution, Ros. I love this
Ros wrote:peasants desperate for make-up hints,
cart manuals, verruca cures,
skim warty digits down still-damp folios.
it hints at nowt changing while everything did.
An imaginative and wry write.
Love it.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: No latitude (minor revision)
Replies: 10
Views: 774

Re: No latitude

Some nice wordplay here Ian. The second stanza is very good, imo; reminds me of those hardy explorers whose gentlemanly endeavours gave to the late 19thC and early 20thC an heroic age of boldly going.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:59 am
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Chemical and me
Replies: 5
Views: 1922

Re: Chemical and me

Thanks Ben. I sometimes wish that old cleric had had the gift of succinctness, but realise that we were there as audience as much as pupils and he WAS entertaining when he got going.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:55 am
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Learning
Replies: 5
Views: 1860

Re: Learning

Who knows, Ben? My tendency to keep things minimal is already explained and anyway, they say it is good to leave readers wanting more; a rare phenomenon with any of my scribblings. Thank you for the read, much appreciated.

Jimmy
by R. Broath
Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coping Mechanisms
Replies: 4
Views: 478

Coping Mechanisms

Moon washes finch-heavy gorse rustling with lamping raiders yards from my gasping cell. I cry for water- thirsting for company just to say -You will not die. Not die a lung-burst god-cursed, breathless death before the two-tone pink pills work. Delinquent sleep creeps on; a shadow version of itself ...