Search found 361 matches

by Basnik
Wed Jul 27, 2016 9:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Yesterday
Replies: 11
Views: 771

Re: Yesterday

Great work, Ray, with a lovely mixture of description and character. I like the frequency image, although does it need the combination follow - up? I'm not sure a correct frequency can be called a combination? I like the eyes down line.

Richard
by Basnik
Wed Jul 27, 2016 9:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Figure Of Eight Feathers
Replies: 7
Views: 653

Re: Figure Of Eight Feathers

Hi,

I think this is quite a difficult theme to explore, especially post-Hughes etc. I like your handling of repetition but not sure it's really adding anything. I felt the 'wavegust' was good though, more Hopkins-esque and engaging the senses than the rest.

Best,
Richard
by Basnik
Mon Jul 25, 2016 7:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Kate
Replies: 11
Views: 751

Re: Kate

Hi David, Here are my thoughts for what they are worth: That God hath fixed His canon 'gainst self-slaughter she would have known, if not in just those words. German was her thing, but even if she never knew the Tieck and Schlegel version, in the employ of the SPCK it must - you'd think - be in her ...
by Basnik
Mon Jul 25, 2016 7:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Untitled
Replies: 13
Views: 1133

Re: Untitled

I liked it too, lovely echoing and plangent mood. My only nit would be the underwhelming 'is' on the penultimate line of the first stanza, but read against that its simplicity could be what helps make it work. More an opinion than a not actually...

Yours, drenched,
Richard
by Basnik
Mon Jul 25, 2016 7:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: In Full Light She Asks Each Lover To Read Her Differently
Replies: 4
Views: 464

Re: In Full Light She Asks Each Lover To Read Her Differentl

Hi, I liked it too but agree that the final two stanzas are the strongest. Is 'elaborate' used as a verb or an adjective by the way? Again, I think the last line is ott but I like the summer fruit line, fits with the other imagery and is more subtle. Do you need a comma after toe in final stanza, an...
by Basnik
Tue Jul 19, 2016 12:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Jesse James
Replies: 6
Views: 477

Re: Jesse James

Bright, breezy and funny poem. How about 'phonic' rather than 'sonic'? I know they are similar in meaning but the 'ph' sound goes well with the 'b' of bonding.

Yours,
Rich the Snitch.
by Basnik
Tue Jul 19, 2016 12:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tiger Rides
Replies: 8
Views: 746

Re: Tiger Rides

Thanks for the comments. Hi David, good to be back - I'll try and be more habitual poster and critic. Jackie, thank you, I'm glad you feel it has more legs. Hi Pat, I think we may be at odds on this one, politically. I was only five at the time of the first one so not au fait with the rhetoric of th...
by Basnik
Sat Jul 16, 2016 11:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tiger Rides
Replies: 8
Views: 746

Re: Tiger Rides

Hi JJ,

Thanks for your kind response. It's difficult with this kind of topic to not just moan, isn't it? The language of the Leave campaign needed more scrutiny at the time.

I wonder if this will make sense in a year's time? I hope so but doubt it, I'm afraid.

Thanks again,
Richard
by Basnik
Thu Jul 14, 2016 10:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tiger Rides
Replies: 8
Views: 746

Re: Tiger Rides

Hi Ray, Thanks for the comments. I was at an Open Mic the other day in Winchester and three-quarters of the poems were Brexit poems! This one steals an image from a piece in the Guardian about the consequences of using anti-immigration rhetoric. I agree about the pruning and the last lines are too m...
by Basnik
Mon Jul 11, 2016 11:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tiger Rides
Replies: 8
Views: 746

Tiger Rides

You know how this works, right? Never mind, I’m sure you’ve seen how it’s done - you only have to hold the reins and whisper the right words. It’s a hell of a ride. Just don’t look too closely at the company you keep - close your eyes if it helps. This is definitely a heart-over-head experience, and...
by Basnik
Mon Jul 11, 2016 11:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thinking about Geoffrey Hill
Replies: 16
Views: 1156

Re: Thinking about Geoffrey Hill

Hi David,

I like this very much - the longer version for me. Hill's essays on poetry from his days of Oxford professorship are very interesting about language and religion. Vindicate comes from a sense of avenging and claiming, which I think is appropriate for Hill.

Best wishes,
Richard
by Basnik
Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Inside Haworth Parsonage
Replies: 8
Views: 907

Re: Inside Haworth Parsonage

I like this - a beautifully handled sonnet. It feels Wordsworthian at times - perhaps the 'exalted' etc. but that is a good thing; it fits the poem well. Crits: Could the 'now' go earlier in the line to avoid 'narrow now'. You would still have your rhyme and although the metre would be a little chop...
by Basnik
Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Encyclopaedia - Volume 5: The Natural World
Replies: 4
Views: 573

Re: Encyclopaedia - Volume 5: The Natural World

Thank you for all your comments - very useful. Glad you like it. Ray, good point - I think you're right: it was the over analysis that lead to the loss of my daughter's natural empathy so your point make good sense. David, I think a 'the' would work as well so will put in. Moth, thank you for the ki...
by Basnik
Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Encyclopaedia - Volume 5: The Natural World
Replies: 4
Views: 573

Encyclopaedia - Volume 5: The Natural World

Each week mum would put a bit by - for life assurance, the Christmas Club and, of course, the encyclopaedias: ten volumes bound in faux red leather. It was the start of it all, an education. I liked the solar system, myths and legends, and animals, especially the insects. There were clear acetate sh...
by Basnik
Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Madonna and Child
Replies: 7
Views: 788

Re: Madonna and Child

HI, Some lovely lines here so overall, thank you for sharing this. Some crits though: not keen on the line endings always. Especially 'splintered / wood' - never keen on the adjective noun separation. The blindfold feathered is good. I'm sorry but I also totally agree with Seth and Ros on this one. ...
by Basnik
Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Undutchables
Replies: 13
Views: 1154

Re: The Undutchables

Hi Ray, I liked the first verse too - good extended play that reads really well and I bet would be excellent to listen to. The German car and the parking ticket material isn't as strong for me though. I think the first bit could be the start of an excellent travelogue poem. It needs that energy of t...
by Basnik
Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Victorian Asylum Tower Clock/V2
Replies: 8
Views: 778

Re: Victorian Asylum Tower Clock

I thought there were some nice things going on but my overall impression was that it was too long and overloaded with portent. Perhaps it was aping the rather overblown Victorian poetry that probably accounted for a fair few neuroses. What I did like: 'the busy broom of the minute hand'; 'grand matr...
by Basnik
Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Secret Room
Replies: 6
Views: 685

Re: Secret Room

I think it just is what it is. Some have skeletons on the, um, loft, and others are working on their murders!
by Basnik
Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Graven
Replies: 12
Views: 1249

Re: Graven

Hi Ros, Thought I would pop by again to see you good folks. I thought the first line held a promise that isn't quite fulfilled. Is 'squat' too easy, perhaps? I'm not keen on 'Time' either. I didn't want the narrator like granite, I wanted them to be granite. I like 'hard-flecked' and the the feet lo...
by Basnik
Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: January 1st
Replies: 14
Views: 1075

Re: January 1st

I liked this but agree that there are quite a lot of images crowding, (rucking?), here. I think it's the transition from handkerchiefs to hieroglyphs that is too big a jump for me. The crow bit is okay and the last part is funny, but lacks the impact of the first half's impression. I think the first...
by Basnik
Sun Oct 27, 2013 12:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Shroud
Replies: 12
Views: 558

Re: Shroud

Hi Geoff,

I should have put the context into the original submission. Sorry for handling that clumsily. 'Blueprint' might work, yes, but the actual thing looks more like a blueprint than this blue print suggests. The doubling of refuse - absolutely right, needs to change.

Thanks for this,
Rich
by Basnik
Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Shroud
Replies: 12
Views: 558

Re: Shroud

Hi, Thanks for your comments and thanks especially to Geoff for resizing the image. This is perhaps more of site-specific piece as it to be displayed alongside the artwork, and the artwork itself is more than the image suggests as it's a cynotype pinned down under glass to give it quite a three-dime...
by Basnik
Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Shroud
Replies: 12
Views: 558

Re: Shroud

Sorry, it's so big.
by Basnik
Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Shroud
Replies: 12
Views: 558

Re: Shroud

Just to give some context that would be with the poem and artwork. The picture is of a blueprint of Winchester Cathedral onto which Russell has marked all the visitors with a pin and the exposed the lithographic paper to the sun, making the bird-like effect. The paper is pinned down on a board and d...
by Basnik
Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Shroud
Replies: 12
Views: 558

Shroud

As the marks resonated, did they sound true? Could we tolerate margins of error or latitude? Is there strength in that built by blue ink? It is hard to see without certainty. Why have they flown, gathered, shrouded? Is the date significant? A memorial? Or is it white noise reverberating, striking pa...