The Poets' Graves Workshop

Well done. Wasn't it covefe? I only wonder that it's so short. You must have a fine editor.

The problem, I think, is that the opening lines promise what's not delivered - vivid, pageant, fascinated. Unless you're just intending to be ironic. But then, I'd say the characters are neither interesting or mundane enough to make much of an impression.

Lines 2-6 are fine, the rest doesn't move me much. Calling the poem pink-moon and then referring only to its silveriness seems rather perverse.
Tiptoes - one word, I think.

She was a seasonal beast who slept through the summer; I checked pockets and sleeves to flesh out a drama and discovered that she hadn’t any clothes apart from the bruises on leaves and on clouds, the subtle contusions and those screaming loud when the hammer is brought down upon the toes. As each w...

Hello. Ray has asked me to reply on his behalf. He says to tell you he's busy burying a dead dog at present. I enquired if it was really necessary to mention that the dog was dead, would that not speak for itself? Ray shouted and threw something at me. It wasn't a fish. He feels, and I am summarisin...

David wrote:Can I just say IPTO? I know I do that, to the point of self-parody (hi Mac!), but there are usually sound reasons for it.

I think you've lost something in your revision.

Cheers

David

Thanks, David. Where do you think the revision is worse?

Thanks, Seth. The stuff about the hearts breaking is just to show that empathy was attained. I'd already removed Once wrought, in my head at least, and there's a few other minor adjustments.

I don't see what cottages have to do with it - but that may be my ignorance. I think the penultimate line is slightly better.

Thanks, David. It's a good film, worth watching, even if the ending can be seen coming before the adverts have finished. God, I'm sick of this world, though, every day a defeat, it feels like life has somehow become Villa's final Premiership season.

Nice ending, suspended tears before the drop. Personally, I prefer the original, but without these inversions like
They kneel, the latest mourners,

The latest mourners kneel is fine. And

If only the mourners glanced up...

Great title and I like the ambition. L like lines 5-8 best, I think you could stick an a before panoply, its absence is more noticeable than its presence would be. What don't I like - quotidianly welcome, especially in brackets. Some of the rhymes don't work too well, though Georges/hearses shouldn'...

Parthenogenetic

progeny, prodded
into the world

to take blame and abuse
for a coy creator.

That's the best passage, I think. I don't think the final couplet makes a great ending.

Thanks, k-j. Corrections made.

Revision I heard the sniffles start before halfway, I thought. We broke with one heart then rose to applaud. Sure, I’d like to swing a right at this tightfisted state after watching the demise of I, Daniel Blake . Just like ten years before and Fahrenheit 9/11 . We stood for Michael Moore and haven’...

Thanks, Cynwulf.

Another Donald Trump poem?

Moth wrote:Excellent thinking there, Pen, and what a thought! Will remember this for sure. Who've would read better as who imo.

Thanks, Moth. Perhaps you're right, but I'll probably change more than that.

Very moving. The opening couple of lines are unnecessary, I think. I'd go for Peppa Pig, though.I feel very stupid saying this, but I don't get this plump up your duvet stuff.

Legacy I have my mother’s hands, thick and coarse, fit for pulling yams from the field. I have her broad shoulders, used to carry wash and babies - washing, maybe. I was expecting carry wash and dry! to and from the creek. My legs are short like hers but strong as Ash created - why capitalise ash? ...

If only they’d known - those poor fellows
who’ve protested when up in front of the beak,
that she appeared to be much older
than sixteen. If they knew they’d been looking
in all the wrong places, then of course,
they would never have gone there at all.

Thanks, Grace. Very kind of you. The title is meant to be tenseless, I guess, in the nature of an adage. If you cannot bring good news, don't bring any.

Hello Grace. I like the beginning and end. I think the 2nd stanza needs trimming a lot, it seems unnecessarily complicated. The Summer You Left, - you don't need the comma ...........................Was hot. I dressed with care. I wore a shirt and shorts and even shoes - why even shoes? Like you wou...

New title, some alterations to the poem. I still don't like it.

Thanks, Kris, moth and Grace.
Of a kind - means of a common type, nothing special.
The ending isn't referring to adoption, more of a passing on of a baton, or ladle, even.
But I shall try to do something about the ending, anyhow.

I'm drawn in by your visuals, Camus. I’m trying to think what sort of animal this might be. A weasel or a fox might account for how you feel about him but I can’t figure out what makes him not waste a moment in coming. To glim, it seems—lovely word, by the way. Jackie I wondered if the subject is a...