Search found 464 matches

by RichardSanders
Tue Sep 23, 2014 9:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7594
Views: 956095

Re: Haiku Train

Absolute chaos
Dogs bark behind blind fences
Sirens in the dark
by RichardSanders
Fri Feb 22, 2013 12:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?
Replies: 7
Views: 614

Re: Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?

Hi Peter,

Thanks for your insight.
It's a work in progress. I'll be looking into your suggestion.
by RichardSanders
Thu Feb 21, 2013 1:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?
Replies: 7
Views: 614

Re: Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?

Hi Seth,

I'll look into Ferlinghetti. I might learn a thing or two which obviously would not hurt my attempt.
I was not aware there was a specific stream of surrealism in poetry too. I'll be investigating that subject as well.
Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Regards,
Richard.
by RichardSanders
Thu Feb 21, 2013 1:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?
Replies: 7
Views: 614

Re: Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?

Hi Nash, As experiments go this has not hit its mark yet. At least not for you. The intend was to be very contemporary and relevant to our time. The poem was meant to be a comment on destructive hubris following success. It was meant as a critical note on the causes of the worldwide financial crisis...
by RichardSanders
Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?
Replies: 7
Views: 614

Jazzy nonsense or maybe not?

Not sure yet what's it about or how it will turn out but I'm trying my hand and something brand new to me. Something inspired by the style of beat poets like Kerouac and Ginsberg. So at the risk of coming of as a jerk here's my diddly. I hope you'll tell me what you think of it. The red Queen is a h...
by RichardSanders
Sat Feb 16, 2013 5:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tea (revision2)
Replies: 12
Views: 940

Re: Tea

Hi Mac.

The revision is a massive improvement. I like it a lot.
Well done.
I do agree with Suzanne though. And i think the line "we paper the walls with nothing" really is to good to end up on the cutting room floor.
Perhaps you can reuse it in a different poem or perhaps still in this one somehow?
by RichardSanders
Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Behind each image
Replies: 9
Views: 740

Re: Behind each image

Hi Suzanne, Thanks for your comment. The poem to me personally it is about the irrepressible impulse of the poetically inclined to look at the world with different eyes (to cut into the flesh and use it to create) even if what we see, hurts us. I've also have had comments from other people who relat...
by RichardSanders
Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tea (revision2)
Replies: 12
Views: 940

Re: Tea

Hi,

I think you have some strong recognisable imagery here.
Overall though it seems a bit disjointed to me.
Maybe you can put it more together a bit?
by RichardSanders
Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Hiding from Grey (in sound)
Replies: 19
Views: 1459

Re: Hiding from Grey (in sound)

This was a real pleasure. It's wonderful to hear the piece performed so appropriately.
As a song it works very well.
As a poem I'd reconsider use of the refrain.

I applaud you.

Richard.
by RichardSanders
Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Gatekeeper (revised)
Replies: 4
Views: 512

Re: The Gatekeeper

Hi Mac, I think this could become a good enough poem for those nice phrases. Perhaps you need to focus on line 3 and 6 to improve it. As I read it those lines are where you lose the beat. I'm also confused about the first line "pride" in relation to the rest of the piece. I'll read it a few more tim...
by RichardSanders
Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The CEO’s Video
Replies: 9
Views: 951

Re: The CEO’s Video

Hi Jay, This is so shockingly recognizable it's almost like it was written and read years ago. I'm not sure I'm a big fan of the form you use here but I do completely sympathize with the portent of the piece. I do believe It might benefit from some change in segmentation like this perhaps? Take the ...
by RichardSanders
Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Behind each image
Replies: 9
Views: 740

Re: Behind each image

Hi Nash, You're right too as usual. I actually didn't pay too much attention to the beats this time because it's brevity and rhyme/assonance structure (I think) allows for some deviation from a strict meter and beat. I will have another think on this though. It may help to improve the piece further....
by RichardSanders
Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Behind each image
Replies: 9
Views: 740

Re: Behind each image

hi Mac,

That's a excellent suggestion.
I'll think hard about it.
Thanks

Richard
by RichardSanders
Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Behind each image
Replies: 9
Views: 740

Re: Behind each image

Hi Seth, Thanks for your comment. Glad you liked the rhyme. I'm trying to move away from end-rhymes or at least be a bit more creative with them. Personally I think the sense of elegance here is not actually caused by the end-rhyme itself but more because of the use of assonance throughout the verse...
by RichardSanders
Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Behind each image
Replies: 9
Views: 740

Behind each image

Our minds skim the surface
reluctant to cut into sensitive flesh.

Its complacency we service,
but a cold mountain air interrupts breath.

With crystalline sting it hurts us,
borderline bearable to make us fresh.

And being such it furthers
that intricate flower fluttering from our breast.
by RichardSanders
Sat Jan 19, 2013 7:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the blues bar
Replies: 16
Views: 1357

Re: At the blues bar

Thanks Suzanne,

One of my colleagues actually asked me where this joint was and if I would take him there. :roll:
Unfortunately I had to tell him it only existed in my imagination. :?
That bummed him out. :lol:
by RichardSanders
Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the blues bar
Replies: 16
Views: 1357

Re: At the blues bar

Hi David,

Yeah I thought you'd pick up on that...
I just felt the Stars poem wasn't an interesting enough place for that "jitter and jive" bit.
So yes, I took it and tried to give it a better home.
Maybe with the revision, I succeeded? Yes? No? Almost? Not hardly, said Absolom?
by RichardSanders
Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the blues bar
Replies: 16
Views: 1357

Re: At the blues bar

It's a revision and certainly better balanced but... Is it better?
by RichardSanders
Wed Jan 16, 2013 10:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the blues bar
Replies: 16
Views: 1357

Re: At the blues bar

Great feedback everyone, Thanks you very much. I will think on a revision.
by RichardSanders
Tue Jan 15, 2013 3:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the blues bar
Replies: 16
Views: 1357

Re: At the blues bar

Hi Lake, Thanks for your thoughts. The off balance feel was intentional as a reflection of my opinion about the (off) balance between men being men and the effects our society's behavioural dogmas have had on it. The first have is full, rich and elaborate while the second part obviously has lost som...
by RichardSanders
Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Oval (revised)
Replies: 17
Views: 1891

Re: Oval (revised)

Hi Mac,

Just had to drop in to tell you I really enjoyed this piece. Great sense of the quiet ease of an elderly couple. The kind of ease that can only exist after having ripened for decades like a good wine or scotch.
Thanks for sharing.
by RichardSanders
Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Colour washed...
Replies: 9
Views: 1045

Re: Colour washed...

Hi Champion,

I like the atmosphere you create in this piece and I think it is quite good.
On a more critical note, I feel it's ending hangs in the air somewhat.
I think you could end it after "deed" without losing anything of the visual impact.
by RichardSanders
Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the blues bar
Replies: 16
Views: 1357

Re: At the blues bar

Hi Jemina,
in the 3rd verse did you mean to write...
Actually I intended to have it read:"tops off my glass"
But you're quite right, proper English requires "tops up my glass" instead.
Thanks for pointing it out.
I changed it in-place.

Hi Saparasa,
Thanks for your kind remarks. :D
by RichardSanders
Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In the library...
Replies: 7
Views: 679

Re: In the library...

Hi John,

Very imaginative this one. Very enjoyable. I love the concept of worlds hiding behind everyday things. It reminds me to look at everyday things like its the first time you see them.
Very aptly written.

Cheers
by RichardSanders
Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the blues bar
Replies: 16
Views: 1357

At the blues bar

Revision I sit here listening to the jitter and jive in this dive of cigarette smoke and secular blues in hues of T-Bone Walker and B.B King with voices trying to sing in whisky scrapes and bourbon croaks and men raucously laughing at abusive jokes about the swaying maids weaving between the tables....