Search found 9 matches

by Morwenna
Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Caerphilly
Replies: 9
Views: 1164

Re: Caerphilly

That's exactly it! But obviously it didn't work reading it the first time round? Or was it too abstract? I guess I was trying to add interest through mixing things up a little!
by Morwenna
Wed Aug 08, 2012 12:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Caerphilly
Replies: 9
Views: 1164

Re: Caerphilly

I guess with the first stanza I was trying to set the tone that our cars are effectively metal boxes (and perhaps at the back of my mind the word 'contraption' was aligned with siege weapons etc.) I agree that it could be more concise. The use of 'intent' was a reference to the intended shelf life o...
by Morwenna
Tue Aug 07, 2012 10:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Caerphilly
Replies: 9
Views: 1164

Re: Caerphilly

Hmm, yes it should be 'dwarfs' not 'dwarves'. Oops!

Other than that error, did the meaning come across? I meant that to enter the interior (of the Castle) makes modern consumerism (with it's in built shelf life) seem insignificant.

Thanks for looking Tim

Morwenna
by Morwenna
Tue Aug 07, 2012 7:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Caerphilly
Replies: 9
Views: 1164

Caerphilly

We turn off the engine and exit the metal contraption that propelled us here. Looming presence finds its way, swimming into our vision with dark, mutilated walls that hold up the sky. All around the detritus of town planning crowding the ancient land advancing on the Castle defense And Caerphilly pu...
by Morwenna
Tue Aug 07, 2012 7:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Death Squad
Replies: 9
Views: 850

Re: Death Squad

I think you did a good job of demonstrating the hunter's reasoning.. I think as this is written primarily from the hunter's perspective, there wouldn't be a necessity to have 'cleansed' in italics as I should imagine he would have utter conviction that that is what he is doing. I could be wrong howe...
by Morwenna
Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:54 pm
Forum: Poetry Exercises
Topic: 2 Stanza exercise
Replies: 2
Views: 3849

2 Stanza exercise

Evening all This is a little exercise I've come across (apologies if this has been posted before). Construct 2 stanzas of equal line length, each stanza must contain the following words: plain, shadow, mountain, light, glass Some conditions: 1. The two stanzas must be two parts of one whole, and not...
by Morwenna
Mon Aug 06, 2012 7:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: After the fall (revised)
Replies: 19
Views: 1420

Re: After the fall

Hi Macavity I felt as though your angel was a rather resigned figure, nonchalantly lighting her cigarette and sipping her coffee. The facts that the 'soiled souls' were set on a synthetic wash implies they aren't 'natural' (like natural fibres, cotton etc.!) I liked the fact that she seems quite det...
by Morwenna
Mon Aug 06, 2012 7:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Death Squad
Replies: 9
Views: 850

Re: Death Squad

Hi KevJ I liked the apparent switching of perspective in this. Firstly you feel empathy towards the street urchin Homeless and unloved, The child-vermin. Hands tied behind his back, A bullet through his head. And then the ambivalence towards the hunter, with his One less future drug pusher. One less...
by Morwenna
Sun Aug 05, 2012 9:37 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Evening all
Replies: 7
Views: 2920

Evening all

Evening everyone, I'm Morwenna and I've joined the forum to hopefully kickstart me into writing more! I have decided to get back into the swing of things recently, so decided to sign up for some constructive criticism. I will, of course, crit two other works before posting anything myself. Morwenna