Search found 11817 matches

by David
Fri Apr 10, 2020 11:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Digging
Replies: 1
Views: 23

Re: Digging

Macavity wrote:
Fri Apr 10, 2020 8:47 am
Later I read about the clitellum.
Me too. Back later.
by David
Wed Apr 08, 2020 12:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adios
Replies: 9
Views: 137

Re: Adios

And yep, I thought it probable does have a lot of fat, but wanted to see what's fattiest to others' eyes Well, I don't usually like to nip and tuck too much - or at all - in people's poems, as they have conceived them, but that reads like an open invitation in this case. So, here's what you're left...
by David
Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flightless (revision5)
Replies: 19
Views: 284

Re: Flightless (revision4)

Ah, the traffic hush. Yes, I can see that now. You'd have to be thinking lockdown - but we all are, I know - for that to work, I think. It is the merest hint, but undeniably a hint. So, in that sense, it is an occasional poem, but we are still living in the occasion.

Cheers

David
by David
Mon Apr 06, 2020 4:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reputation
Replies: 8
Views: 126

Re: Reputation

I've been reading lately how a lot of the appeal of Robert Frost is in the conversational quality of the poems, and I think it's true for you too. The walk is as important as the destination. I wouldn't advocate radical shortening here. And you're still getting the DT for Mrs Shelley. Now that is al...
by David
Mon Apr 06, 2020 4:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flightless (revision5)
Replies: 19
Views: 284

Re: Caged (revision4)

Just going back to the original, what is it about it that tells us it is a lockdown poem? Because I can't see it. That'll be my failing, I'm sure.

David
by David
Mon Apr 06, 2020 3:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 293

Re: In Isolation (v6?)

I like the first one. I know, unhelpful in the extreme.
by David
Sun Apr 05, 2020 4:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Brief Word for Rooms
Replies: 13
Views: 210

Re: A Brief Word for Rooms

Hi Trevor, In a nutshell: I like it. But we can explore the nutshell in more detail. Hallway - I quite like the rather intrusive metaphor of "a ballerina hoisted at the hips", but does it seem out of register with the prevailing voice in this section? I don't see the applicability of Frank to the ut...
by David
Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:58 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Congrats David
Replies: 2
Views: 148

Re: Congrats David

Tristan, Mac, thank you. It's nice that you take an interest in what goes on outside these hallowed halls.

Cheers chaps

David
by David
Sat Mar 28, 2020 7:39 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Ink Sweat and Tears (1)
Replies: 4
Views: 59

Re: Ink Sweat and Tears (1)

Very good. Well done Mac.

Cheers

David
by David
Fri Mar 27, 2020 6:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Air-born
Replies: 12
Views: 675

Re: Air-born

Hi Trevor. Nice poem. I very much like "the gusty physics / of flight". And the last three lines. But those are just the "in particulars". I enjoyed the whole thing. There is, perhaps, a bit too much of the "and then ..." about it. Actually, it occurs to me now that you could remove the anecdotal as...
by David
Thu Mar 26, 2020 4:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 1278

Re: Mrs Shakespeare Schemes After Reading Will's Dark Lady Sonnets

. Hi mac. The title's doing a lot of work now, and maybe struggling under the strain? . Yes, I have to agree. I think the best thing you can do is somehow smuggle a dark lady reference into the closing couplet - or perhaps just anywhere in the poem. Otherwise your title risks becoming a synopsis. L...
by David
Wed Mar 25, 2020 4:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Self-Isolation - revised
Replies: 11
Views: 625

Re: Self-Isolation - revised

I like the revision. The end is much improved, and I really like "and keep a distance from myself".

Cooee! I'm over here!

Cheers

David
by David
Tue Mar 24, 2020 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 1278

Re: Mrs Shakespeare Plots

I didn't notice the reference to the sonnets. Haven't looked at them for a while. Certainly the closing couplet does seem quite like himself, so if that's all you, well done.
by David
Mon Mar 23, 2020 5:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 1278

Re: Mrs Shakespeare Plots

Ah. Very good title change. I think what was going on was unguessable before - it was for me, at least. (I'm still not sure that the body - erk, n.p.i. - of the poem delivers what the title promises, but at least now the intention is clear.)

Cheers

David
by David
Sun Mar 22, 2020 8:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 615

Re: Brood Parasites (revision 2)

It's all very 18th century, isn't it? Which is fine, if that's what you want. For me, it's my least favourite poetical century. Apart from Gray's Elegy, which is terrific, and the blessed relief of Blake towards its end, I'm not a big fan. But clearly it is what you want, and metrically - if very ov...
by David
Wed Mar 18, 2020 6:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Self-Isolation - revised
Replies: 11
Views: 625

Re: Self-Isolation

I suppose we'll all, eventually, have a virus poem or two. This one works well at this stage of developments. I've been thinking of reading The Plague too. (First time for me.) When better?

Cheers

David
by David
Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Billions of stars (v3)
Replies: 16
Views: 692

Re: Billions of stars (v3)

David, thanks for your continued interest. You are right, I’m not keen on the ‘inspirational’ tone of your suggestion. I agree. And, of what you have left, I think V2 is the best. It doesn't really convey very much in that form, but at least is not marred by the slightly unwieldy moralising of V3 a...
by David
Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 266

Re: The Swell Mob

I thought it had the feel of a true story (as most of your poems do. I would say.)

Very good anyway.
by David
Mon Mar 16, 2020 7:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Billions of stars (v3)
Replies: 16
Views: 692

Re: Billions of stars (v3)

I have some sympathy with Mac's point about the original version, although I'm not sure I'd describe the darkness as nefarious. I've never been particularly taken with the other side of the analogy - "The small successes drive us on, / make our lives more bearable ..." in V4 - but I like the paradox...
by David
Sun Mar 15, 2020 10:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 1278

Re: Arranged

Actually, I think the title is more significant than I realised at first. But how?
by David
Sun Mar 15, 2020 10:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 1278

Re: Arranged

You seem to have gone all Shakespearean, Mac - or Websterian? - but in tetrameter. Which is interesting.

I can hear echoes of individual plays, but see no direct parallels. Yet. Will mull.

David
by David
Sat Mar 14, 2020 2:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 266

Re: The Swell Mob

True story?
by David
Wed Mar 11, 2020 5:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Monday Tomorrow (v2)
Replies: 14
Views: 806

Re: Monday Tomorrow

Yes, I thought I saw attempted suicide in the first line. You do seem to be rather cross with the NHS about it. Or at least with how they're dealing with it. Is "back" missing from the revised L9? I like the ending. Shibboleths seemed out of place to me at first, too, but in the sense of things you ...
by David
Tue Mar 10, 2020 5:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Billions of stars (v3)
Replies: 16
Views: 692

Re: Billions of stars (v3)

I can't read your poem without thinking of this, Tristan: https://www.shmoop.com/quotes/all-in-the-gutter-but-some-of-us-are-looking-at-the-stars.html

Quite a nice-looking site that, actually. I like the Pretentious Factor.
by David
Mon Mar 09, 2020 7:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Billions of stars (v3)
Replies: 16
Views: 692

Re: A foreground of a billion stars (Was: Billions of tiny stars)

Do you need to frame it as a paradox, Tristan? I think that what you're getting at, if it's what you say in your last post, would work just as well (okay, better, in my opinion) if stated more plainly (but still keeping your stars and your darkness - and your looker). Perhaps in some variation of th...