Search found 474 matches

by David2
Wed Nov 20, 2013 4:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Douglas Harbour in November
Replies: 29
Views: 1933

Re: Douglas Harbour in November

I am still trying to make something of this, even if it's only an even bigger sow's ear.
by David2
Sun Nov 17, 2013 8:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Lunatick
Replies: 13
Views: 1111

Re: The Lunatick

Hi Cynwulf. That's a pretty interesting nom de plume (let's say pen-name, to keep it A-S) - I thought it had an Anglo-Saxon ring, and after googling I see it does. I rather liked this. I don't really see the moonlight dripping in eddies - it doesn't move like that, does it? I don't mind "the road's ...
by David2
Sat Nov 16, 2013 2:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A second opinion
Replies: 10
Views: 804

Re: A second opinion

Good to see you back, Stuart, and in such typical vein - it's always concept albums, never just songs with you. Still, I like the concept albums. I haven't got time to take the whole thing in yet, so I'll take it a piece at a time. Which is unfortunate because, although I like most of it (a lot), I ...
by David2
Sat Nov 16, 2013 11:06 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: bonnscott?!
Replies: 11
Views: 3361

Re: bonnscott?!

That's what I was thinking. But I couldn't bring myself to press Play.
by David2
Thu Nov 14, 2013 12:51 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: The SHOp1
Replies: 5
Views: 677

Re: The SHOp1

This is another pretty good one, isn't it? Well done again!
by David2
Thu Nov 14, 2013 10:24 am
Forum: Poetry Exercises
Topic: Exercise#1: Poetry at the crossroads
Replies: 55
Views: 29973

Re: Poetry at the crossroads

And not sure how much the closing couplet adds, or whether the sudden biblical moment is needed. Me neither, but Golgotha means (I think) "place of the skull", which I thought was quite fun in the context. "[H]ere upon the heights" is Wordsworth, of course - don't you just love that casually tossed...
by David2
Thu Nov 14, 2013 10:04 am
Forum: Poetry Exercises
Topic: Exercise#1: Poetry at the crossroads
Replies: 55
Views: 29973

Re: Poetry at the crossroads

Terrific sense of menace in your first eight lines, Ian, which I think (sadly) is somewhat dissipated in the final six. That first section is great, though.

Cheers

David

P.S. This exercise, after a slow start, seems to be turning out a treat.
by David2
Thu Nov 14, 2013 10:01 am
Forum: Poetry Exercises
Topic: Exercise#1: Poetry at the crossroads
Replies: 55
Views: 29973

Re: Poetry at the crossroads

Jane, your traveller sounds both bewildered and harried, as though he's being browbeaten along the road. You've caught that nicely, but lines 4-5 are my favourites.

Cheers

David
by David2
Thu Nov 14, 2013 9:57 am
Forum: Poetry Exercises
Topic: Exercise#1: Poetry at the crossroads
Replies: 55
Views: 29973

Re: Poetry at the crossroads

S1 and 2 are beautiful Larry, but 3 feels incomplete. Is the title in the same key as the poem? Really love that opening. I agree with Brian here, Larry. The opening sentence meanders along in quite a convoluted manner, but it's still lovely. I felt a warm breeze, lightly freighted with the scent o...
by David2
Wed Nov 13, 2013 7:56 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Crossroad Songs..
Replies: 7
Views: 3944

Re: Crossroad Songs..

461 Ocean Boulevard? Another album I caught up with about 20 years late. It's a good one.
by David2
Wed Nov 13, 2013 7:41 pm
Forum: Poetry Exercises
Topic: Exercise#1: Poetry at the crossroads
Replies: 55
Views: 29973

Re: Poetry at the crossroads

No choice, not really, so not truly a crossroads: there is only forward - perhaps a little trifling with dates and eta's, but it's merely coyness, here upon the heights, brim-full with potential energy, before the headlong fall down that narrow way into an unquiet world. This breached Golgotha will ...
by David2
Wed Nov 13, 2013 5:24 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Les Murray
Replies: 14
Views: 1605

Re: Les Murray

I've been sidetracked from Les lately, trying to finish a Selected Louis MacNeice I bought. Will be back to him soon. (He's clearly the better poet, and there aren't many around that can hold a (Roman) candle to him.)
by David2
Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Douglas Harbour in November
Replies: 29
Views: 1933

Re: Douglas Harbour in November

I didn't find it incomplete (although additional miniatures would, of course, be most welcome) Good-oh, but I can't come up with any others that I like, and I think it's just the image itself that I want. Tweaked, of course. Tintoretto is in there because of the Venetian connection, but I don't thi...
by David2
Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Parallel Bars
Replies: 18
Views: 1111

Re: Parallel Bars

twoleftfeet wrote:Does bars have anything to do with the zoo at the end?
I was wondering that too.
by David2
Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:37 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Crossroad Songs..
Replies: 7
Views: 3944

Re: Crossroad Songs..

Antcliff wrote:I thought that many folk/jazz classics would pop into my head..not yet.
I was just going to say ... I can't think of any more! And I thought that my mind would be full of crossroads-related songs. (Valiantly not googling them yet.)
by David2
Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Snowball
Replies: 5
Views: 652

Re: Snowball

Wow. Cosmically overblown, but sometimes that's a good thing. At first - on just one reading so far, sorry about that, I know it deserves more - I thought it was erudite fun with planets (and marbles), then I thought it was a massive metaphor for a doomed relationship, finally it appeared to be an e...
by David2
Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Crossroads (I now realise posted in the wrong place...sorry)
Replies: 6
Views: 625

Re: Crossroads (I now realise posted in the wrong place...so

It's actually - and, I wouldn't be surprised to hear, intentionally so - a good summary of the opening of The Divine Comedy. Hell, Purgatory and Heaven, of course, but your fourth region, full of "the ditherers, / the still pathless, / the lost in indecision", is this: "Before entering Hell complete...
by David2
Mon Nov 11, 2013 7:29 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Magma1
Replies: 8
Views: 914

Re: Magma1

A big beast to bag, Seth! You'll be needing a ghillie before long.
by David2
Mon Nov 11, 2013 7:17 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poem in International Times
Replies: 5
Views: 1204

Re: Poem in International Times

Lovely, Jane. Not a self-portrait, is it? I suspect you're even more formidable - or, as the French say, formidable - than she is.

David
by David2
Sun Nov 10, 2013 8:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Douglas Harbour in November
Replies: 29
Views: 1933

Re: Douglas Harbour in November

Could you take the subject matter further? here it adds to a sense...Elph mentions..of incompleteness. I'm with him in requesting a bit more. Ah, gents ... you got me bang to rights. This was supposed to be longer, but I seemed to be stuck, so I cut it short to see if it would work. Perhaps it woul...
by David2
Sun Nov 10, 2013 10:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Comfort Screening (version 2)
Replies: 10
Views: 799

Re: Comfort Screening (version 2)

K-J, I guess I did intend for condescension to come across, however perhaps poetry isn't the time or place for such patent commentary. This is something I'm learning. Hi Luke. Condescension is always tricky, as it's so hard for it not to come across in an unappealing manner. (You may be experiencin...
by David2
Sun Nov 10, 2013 9:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Douglas Harbour in November
Replies: 29
Views: 1933

Douglas Harbour in November

REVAMPED AGAIN How oddly like the dome of Santa Maria della Salute is Manx Gas's tank on South Quay, silhouetted against the pinks and blues of a chilly Tintoretto. A sluggish life is creeping back into the maritime quarter. A swan unfolds himself and, with his inamorata, steps fastidiously into the...
by David2
Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A challenge!!
Replies: 13
Views: 893

Re: A challenge!!

Yes, the anon comp was great fun. I'd love to do it again but my net access might be spotty the next couple of weeks (I'll be in deepest Patagonia) so I can't admin it. Could we wait til I get back then I can admin it again? I'll see if I still have the spreadsheet I devised last time. Sounds like ...
by David2
Thu Nov 07, 2013 7:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Exercises
Replies: 6
Views: 469

Re: Exercises

I'm in, or intend to be.
by David2
Thu Nov 07, 2013 7:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Exercises
Replies: 7
Views: 505

Re: Exercises

I'm in, or intend to be.