Search found 1882 matches

by Firebird
Sat May 30, 2020 7:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title needed
Replies: 5
Views: 102

Re: Title needed

Hi Not, I like your slimmed down version, and will definitely use elements of it in my rewrite. I might use your title suggestion too. I’ll have a think. Many thanks as always. Hi Trev, I’m not sure about the longer lines in this instance, but I do know what you mean about the rhythm. I’m happy thou...
by Firebird
Sat May 30, 2020 7:42 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Mac and Ray in London Grip
Replies: 4
Views: 137

Re: Mac in London Grip

Many congrats to you both. Enjoyed both poems.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Sat May 30, 2020 7:41 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Fly on the Wall (x3)
Replies: 2
Views: 44

Re: Fly on the Wall (x3)

Many congrats Mac. Three is an incredible effort. Well done indeed. I was going to submit some poems to this issue, but missed the deadline when they brought it forward. They said they’d been inundated by subs, so it makes your feat of getting three in even more impressive.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Thu May 28, 2020 8:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title needed
Replies: 5
Views: 102

Title needed

When I take
small bites
along its edge,
a thinner,
sweeter,
less tough
carrot
with tiny
nascent shoots
appears
that for forty years
went unnoticed
as I bit
obliviously
chunks
from one end,
thinking it
would help me
to see.
by Firebird
Sat May 23, 2020 10:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the night sky V4
Replies: 8
Views: 211

Re: night sky

It felt a bit like the 'mathematics is dull' argument from non-mathematicians. . Well I am a non-mathematician, but I didn’t quite mean it to come across like that. I like the fact that the science of astronomy uses mythology to map the constellations. It’s a lovely irony. There’s none of that in C...
by Firebird
Thu May 21, 2020 8:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the night sky V4
Replies: 8
Views: 211

Re: night sky

Hi Not, There’s a lot to like in your cut down version, but it loses a little too much for me. Not keen on the stars either. I think it has to be clear in a poem called ‘night sky’ / ‘constellation’ that if the words are spread out they represent stars. Hi Mac, Yes, I too liked the sounds of the wor...
by Firebird
Thu May 21, 2020 8:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 261

Re: What's the Point of Puddles?

I too like the title. I like the poem too. It has a skip in its step and some nice twists and turns to keep you interested. I agree with Mac about ‘simoon’. I think you need to change it. I think ‘past the point of no return’ is weak. S3 (too wordy and not enough said) and s5 (didn’t like ‘apogee’ o...
by Firebird
Thu May 21, 2020 8:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Piper At The Gates Of Dawn (revised)
Replies: 7
Views: 144

Re: Birdies At The Gates Of Dawn

I love it Mac. Couple of nits. I really like the sound of ‘sophist rest’, but is ‘sophist’ right here? Why would a sophist need to rest. The penultimate line seems a bit flabby: why ‘they shouted out’ and ‘they called’? I really like the last line though and love ‘breathed the songs/ within the tree...
by Firebird
Tue May 19, 2020 10:51 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetry kit x1
Replies: 3
Views: 270

Re: Poetry kit x1

Thank Mac and Not.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Tue May 19, 2020 10:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the night sky V4
Replies: 8
Views: 211

Re: night sky

Hi Trev, Really glad you like it. Yes, I thought the form fit the subject well. I’ve slightly changed ‘not x and y’ to ‘no x y’. I like the pun on ‘y‘ (why). I agree about ‘dot to dot’, and may change it to ‘y im possible dot to mini ...’ to make it slightly more oblique. I also agree that the title...
by Firebird
Tue May 19, 2020 9:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: before Life was Art
Replies: 13
Views: 297

Re: before Life was Art

Hi Lotus,

Nice to see you around. I like the idea of art as something very self-conscious, and also the use of ‘occult quote’.

It’s an interesting read.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Tue May 19, 2020 9:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Biscuits
Replies: 8
Views: 172

Re: Biscuits

Hi Trev, I think I’m picking up on a metaphor about evolution (‘ each a separate species’ and ‘extinction loomed -/ the biscuit survived‘), but I’m not quite sure what it is. Maybe it needs to be a little clearer? My favourite stanzas are 2 and 3 though I’m not keen on ‘stomachy visitors’. The first...
by Firebird
Tue May 19, 2020 3:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the night sky V4
Replies: 8
Views: 211

the night sky V4

V4 ................... myth .............................................. mapped ...... mini ................................................. malist .................... mast er ............................................. piece V3 .............. myth ...............................................
by Firebird
Tue May 12, 2020 10:54 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetry kit x1
Replies: 3
Views: 270

Poetry kit x1

Hi All, I have a poem posted today on Poetry kit’s website. It’s part of their project: POETRY IN THE PLAGUE YEAR. IMO it’s a much better project than Carol Ann Duffy’s (write where we are now). It’s much more representative, rather than a love-in for a select few of the ‘great’ and the ‘good’ of po...
by Firebird
Fri May 08, 2020 5:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Unintentionally
Replies: 2
Views: 164

Re: Unintentionally

Hi Dante, Good to see you around. My quick summary of this poem would be the finding of an old pencil which brings back memories of when it was used to write freely at first In loneliness (no writers block?) and then passionately about N‘S muse/lover, who N maybe misses? I found some sections of the...
by Firebird
Tue May 05, 2020 10:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Attic
Replies: 3
Views: 192

Re: Attic

Hi Trevor, I agree with Not that the poem is in s5 and the end (See below). The rest doesn’t do much for me, I’m afraid. It just doesn’t engage/do enough. I do like s5 though and I think it works well with the ending. Really sorry I can’t be more positive about the whole of the poem. Such company th...
by Firebird
Mon May 04, 2020 1:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Without Explanation
Replies: 10
Views: 393

Re: Without Explanation

Well blow me down. I don’t think I know the image you are referring to. Is it by Magritte? If it is maybe a little hint in the title to him might help? It’s certainly surreal.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Sun May 03, 2020 9:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Without Explanation
Replies: 10
Views: 393

Re: Without Explanation

Ok, I’ll try again. ‘Without Explanation’ I think must refer to ‘the banana he left hanging on a hook’, because no one is asking questions about it, when they are about the silverback. So is the irony which you are going for that we try to explain unusual animal behaviours, but not humans who are po...
by Firebird
Sun May 03, 2020 8:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: After
Replies: 7
Views: 337

Re: After

Hi Perry, Generally I think it’s ok, but it’s all a bit too familiar/generic for me and dare I say it, unoriginal. I know what you mean about the ‘bridge‘ between s1 and s2 being a bit of a stumble, but I think it’s ok. Some specific comments below. Cheers, Tristan This is the part where we become f...
by Firebird
Sat May 02, 2020 8:16 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Mac in The Poetry Shed
Replies: 3
Views: 180

Mac in The Poetry Shed

Many congrats to Mac for his excellent poem in Abigail Morley’s The Poetry Shed. I seem to remember both me and JJ thinking the poem was much better than you thought it was. It’s one of my favourites of yours. Very creative and imaginative, indeed. https://abegailmorley.wordpress.com/2020/05/02/jigs...
by Firebird
Fri May 01, 2020 9:22 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetrykit
Replies: 1
Views: 120

Re: Poetrykit

Many congrats Mac. Much enjoyed.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri May 01, 2020 9:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 25
Views: 916

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

almost anything’s better than ‘such things’ :D Aha! Right, it was my second choice, the first was while Red Hatters everywhere cheered and wrawled for some things there are that do love a wall. - being a much closer to Frost's original (save for the switch in meaning), but I was wary of 'some thing...
by Firebird
Fri May 01, 2020 8:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Without Explanation
Replies: 10
Views: 393

Re: Without Explanation

Hi Not,

Well, I think it needs an explanation :D .

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri May 01, 2020 8:06 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: David, Ray & Myself all appearing in Snakeskin
Replies: 3
Views: 181

Re: David, Ray & Myself all appearing in Snakeskin

Hi Mac, Thanks. Really pleased you like them. Cheers, Tristan Hi David, Thanks. Pleased you like them too. And that is - or those are are - one (or three) of your best, I think, Tristan. Yes, I agree (though that sounds a bit immodest). It’s funny though, because when I finished workshopping them he...
by Firebird
Fri May 01, 2020 7:51 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: David, Ray & Myself all appearing in Snakeskin
Replies: 3
Views: 181

David, Ray & Myself all appearing in Snakeskin

Hi All,

Many congrats to David and Ray. Enjoyed your poems in May’s edition of Snakeskin. I think there’s more PGers in Snakeskin this month that Members of Eratosphere. Bravo!

http://www.snakeskinpoetry.co.uk/

Cheers,

Tristan