The Poets' Graves Workshop

Hi Not, I like your slimmed down version, and will definitely use elements of it in my rewrite. I might use your title suggestion too. I’ll have a think. Many thanks as always. Hi Trev, I’m not sure about the longer lines in this instance, but I do know what you mean about the rhythm. I’m happy thou...

Many congrats to you both. Enjoyed both poems.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats Mac. Three is an incredible effort. Well done indeed. I was going to submit some poems to this issue, but missed the deadline when they brought it forward. They said they’d been inundated by subs, so it makes your feat of getting three in even more impressive.

Cheers,

Tristan

When I take
small bites
along its edge,
a thinner,
sweeter,
less tough
carrot
with tiny
nascent shoots
appears
that for forty years
went unnoticed
as I bit
obliviously
chunks
from one end,
thinking it
would help me
to see.

It felt a bit like the 'mathematics is dull' argument from non-mathematicians. . Well I am a non-mathematician, but I didn’t quite mean it to come across like that. I like the fact that the science of astronomy uses mythology to map the constellations. It’s a lovely irony. There’s none of that in C...

Hi Not, There’s a lot to like in your cut down version, but it loses a little too much for me. Not keen on the stars either. I think it has to be clear in a poem called ‘night sky’ / ‘constellation’ that if the words are spread out they represent stars. Hi Mac, Yes, I too liked the sounds of the wor...

I too like the title. I like the poem too. It has a skip in its step and some nice twists and turns to keep you interested. I agree with Mac about ‘simoon’. I think you need to change it. I think ‘past the point of no return’ is weak. S3 (too wordy and not enough said) and s5 (didn’t like ‘apogee’ o...

I love it Mac. Couple of nits. I really like the sound of ‘sophist rest’, but is ‘sophist’ right here? Why would a sophist need to rest. The penultimate line seems a bit flabby: why ‘they shouted out’ and ‘they called’? I really like the last line though and love ‘breathed the songs/ within the tree...

Thank Mac and Not.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Trev, Really glad you like it. Yes, I thought the form fit the subject well. I’ve slightly changed ‘not x and y’ to ‘no x y’. I like the pun on ‘y‘ (why). I agree about ‘dot to dot’, and may change it to ‘y im possible dot to mini ...’ to make it slightly more oblique. I also agree that the title...

Hi Lotus,

Nice to see you around. I like the idea of art as something very self-conscious, and also the use of ‘occult quote’.

It’s an interesting read.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Trev, I think I’m picking up on a metaphor about evolution (‘ each a separate species’ and ‘extinction loomed -/ the biscuit survived‘), but I’m not quite sure what it is. Maybe it needs to be a little clearer? My favourite stanzas are 2 and 3 though I’m not keen on ‘stomachy visitors’. The first...

V4 ................... myth .............................................. mapped ...... mini ................................................. malist .................... mast er ............................................. piece V3 .............. myth ...............................................

Hi All, I have a poem posted today on Poetry kit’s website. It’s part of their project: POETRY IN THE PLAGUE YEAR. IMO it’s a much better project than Carol Ann Duffy’s (write where we are now). It’s much more representative, rather than a love-in for a select few of the ‘great’ and the ‘good’ of po...

Hi Dante, Good to see you around. My quick summary of this poem would be the finding of an old pencil which brings back memories of when it was used to write freely at first In loneliness (no writers block?) and then passionately about N‘S muse/lover, who N maybe misses? I found some sections of the...

Hi Trevor, I agree with Not that the poem is in s5 and the end (See below). The rest doesn’t do much for me, I’m afraid. It just doesn’t engage/do enough. I do like s5 though and I think it works well with the ending. Really sorry I can’t be more positive about the whole of the poem. Such company th...

Well blow me down. I don’t think I know the image you are referring to. Is it by Magritte? If it is maybe a little hint in the title to him might help? It’s certainly surreal.

Cheers,

Tristan

Ok, I’ll try again. ‘Without Explanation’ I think must refer to ‘the banana he left hanging on a hook’, because no one is asking questions about it, when they are about the silverback. So is the irony which you are going for that we try to explain unusual animal behaviours, but not humans who are po...

Hi Perry, Generally I think it’s ok, but it’s all a bit too familiar/generic for me and dare I say it, unoriginal. I know what you mean about the ‘bridge‘ between s1 and s2 being a bit of a stumble, but I think it’s ok. Some specific comments below. Cheers, Tristan This is the part where we become f...

Many congrats to Mac for his excellent poem in Abigail Morley’s The Poetry Shed. I seem to remember both me and JJ thinking the poem was much better than you thought it was. It’s one of my favourites of yours. Very creative and imaginative, indeed. https://abegailmorley.wordpress.com/2020/05/02/jigs...

Many congrats Mac. Much enjoyed.

Cheers,

Tristan

almost anything’s better than ‘such things’ :D Aha! Right, it was my second choice, the first was while Red Hatters everywhere cheered and wrawled for some things there are that do love a wall. - being a much closer to Frost's original (save for the switch in meaning), but I was wary of 'some thing...

Hi Not,

Well, I think it needs an explanation .

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Mac, Thanks. Really pleased you like them. Cheers, Tristan Hi David, Thanks. Pleased you like them too. And that is - or those are are - one (or three) of your best, I think, Tristan. Yes, I agree (though that sounds a bit immodest). It’s funny though, because when I finished workshopping them he...

Hi All,

Many congrats to David and Ray. Enjoyed your poems in May’s edition of Snakeskin. I think there’s more PGers in Snakeskin this month that Members of Eratosphere. Bravo!

http://www.snakeskinpoetry.co.uk/

Cheers,

Tristan