Search found 898 matches

by beautifulloser
Fri Oct 02, 2015 6:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: block 18 row 3
Replies: 4
Views: 868

block 18 row 3

sly family men can express anger fuelling words belying presentation i bet at home no one's this observant undercutting your current with talk-back stalling all thought for a second or two am I being funny? give us a clue why you'd criticise your mother's efforts guessing what men are beating up oth...
by beautifulloser
Fri Oct 02, 2015 6:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Common Reader
Replies: 7
Views: 1285

Re: The Common Reader

Hey Henry,

The title verges on being patronising perhaps. I adopted a toff's timbre when reading aloud and that somehow worked.

I don't think it works as a poem, but there's something here that might serve a film script or short story.

Big love

X
by beautifulloser
Sat Jul 19, 2014 6:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ì
Replies: 12
Views: 1088

Re: Ì

Love this! Is this your new groove? I need to catch up. Not your best technical piece but it has verve. Skillfully anchored in parts by the craft you've worked so hard to achieve. This has a different flavour to your old stuff. Or maybe I've been away too long...... Either way, it suits you. Maybe t...
by beautifulloser
Thu Jan 09, 2014 3:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Long Drive (v3)
Replies: 8
Views: 700

Re: Long Drive

Hi Luke, I agree with Geoff's comments as a starting point . . . . my feeling is you have a sensitivity that is being told rather than shown . For instance; Dawn is absent from sky. Not even a flicker. There's a multitude of ways of showing this without stating it. Whereas Grossly lit signs present ...
by beautifulloser
Thu Jan 09, 2014 2:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bus Stop Arbitration
Replies: 6
Views: 729

Bus Stop Arbitration

I should recite lines more often a few well chosen couplets can turn a loud mouth onto kindness. A shit-heap street moving upstream make many odd introductions. The council don't run inductions for Fiffy to meet Shianne, or Ian to question Tobias. Artists flee the gentrifiers flooding easterly like ...
by beautifulloser
Thu Jan 09, 2014 2:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: At Souda Bay
Replies: 22
Views: 1771

Re: At Souda Bay

David,

The first and second stanzas have so much potency I wonder if you need the third?

that it's not for nothing
that you stepped out of the air.

Seems like a perfect place to stop.

'in the battered register'! - come on. This is littered with good lines.

nice one

x
by beautifulloser
Thu Jan 09, 2014 2:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dying Plant Feeding Gas Balloon
Replies: 9
Views: 918

Re: Dying Plant Feeding Gas Balloon

Better late than never . . . .

Quite liked this one at the time and just got around to (hopefully) improving it.

x
by beautifulloser
Thu Jan 09, 2014 2:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Big Bad Wind (REVISED - again)
Replies: 31
Views: 2408

Re: Big Bad Wind (REVISED - again)

Geoff! Started with V3 and loved it. 'I listened hard' is great. That whole stanza has a magic about it which is truly inspired. Though, to me, it makes more sense like: Was it a bluff? I listened hard and, sure enuff along came But enough revision, perhaps. There is something to be said for origina...
by beautifulloser
Thu Jan 09, 2014 1:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: This year
Replies: 22
Views: 1532

Re: This year

Hi Mic, The tone of the poem is tinged with cliche for my personal tastes. That said; some people love this sort of stuff but it doesn't have enough bite for me. I thought it was going to take a twist at a few points . . . for instance a blue garnet in his small, clenched fist I liked but the follow...
by beautifulloser
Wed May 01, 2013 1:34 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: closet poet
Replies: 7
Views: 1476

Re: closet poet

User-unfriendly works for me, I was caught off-guard and verging on empathetic. Keeping the Joss Stone crowd in mind. Keep it power-chord heavy. Don't tear the wall of theory just yet, there's plenty of noise to be made. Yeah, I'm alright. Haven't been writing with any consistency to get into an int...
by beautifulloser
Sun Apr 28, 2013 4:14 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: closet poet
Replies: 7
Views: 1476

Re: closet poet

Splendid home page. On a usability note: Tidy as it is, I'd personally lose the padding on the left, stretch the '_closetpoet' header and drop the nav menu under it (perhaps shortening the length of the root page names). Wordpress will handle the rest (?). But what do I know. The kids will love the ...
by beautifulloser
Sat Jan 28, 2012 3:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nearly famous now
Replies: 17
Views: 1012

Re: Nearly famous now

Sorry, Big D. I'm playing catch up chasing your stripes.

It's a jungle out here.

x
by beautifulloser
Sat Jan 28, 2012 2:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nearly famous now
Replies: 17
Views: 1012

Re: Nearly famous now

Like this? ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_breaks ... a_wheel%3F David, were you one of those kids at school that almost wet himself straining to get his hand higher than anybody else's when the teacher asked a question? Don't mistake my envy for cynicism. Mind you, it's not the sort of thing ...
by beautifulloser
Sat Jan 28, 2012 1:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Moments of Small Delight
Replies: 14
Views: 1216

Re: Moments of Small Delight

Hi Lake, My initial thoughts are that the poem is really in the first two stanzas if you decide to keep the title as is (which is well penned and very Rilke-esque). I think you'd enjoy reading "Letters To A Young Poet" if you don't own a copy. I appreciate how difficult it is to hear when someone su...
by beautifulloser
Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dying Plant Feeding Gas Balloon
Replies: 9
Views: 918

Dying Plant Feeding Gas Balloon

A toast to morning gins, Sunshine. It's not as though you're about to burst on me tonight, is it? Inevitable as our ends will be. There is little of your heart here now. The grid's hue makes the sky seem a worthy blue, your ancestors remain in every city out of view starved of inspiring words in me....
by beautifulloser
Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Uncle Harry
Replies: 18
Views: 1341

Re: Uncle Harry

Hi Brian, Difficult subject, the first two stanza's work really well and I think are on a par with your 'good stuff' I've happened to come across when casually visiting PG. By S3, the voice of the poem is put aside and you've lost my intrigue because over S1 and S2 you have roped me in and by S3 you...
by beautifulloser
Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I found myself there
Replies: 8
Views: 763

Re: I found myself there

Enjoyed reading this, Kris. Softly conjures up a decadent environment. To paraphrase Brian's crit, it does invite you in . . . . have to say it does imply a stripper turning up and bunch of guys suddenly turning silent. Love the way sense is created through sound and not plain description Yeah. It p...
by beautifulloser
Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:50 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Faster - Manic Street Preachers
Replies: 1
Views: 570

Faster - Manic Street Preachers

My word, these guys were good. James Dean Bradfield is a talented chap. Great piece of work, this album. Can anyone name a current British act with this sort of lyrical vitriol? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z75uaReMIQ I hate purity Hate goodness I don't want virtue to exist anywhere I want everyo...
by beautifulloser
Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Amazon
Replies: 13
Views: 905

Re: Amazon

Hi Brian, Good technical piece. Is it good art though? Not to me. Obviously personal taste. By the end S3 I was turned off, as an exercise in form it's great but some of the lines are bordering cliche. There's a few great lines in here though, my faves are: in disbelief at stranger's choices - love ...
by beautifulloser
Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bus Driver in Rear-view Mirror
Replies: 23
Views: 1427

Re: Bus Driver in Rear-view Mirror

Hi Brian, Geoff - very swtiched on of you. Was that intentional on your part Brian? Or just an insightful nugget from Geoffrey? Like the premise of the poem and some well spun lines in there. "and hooves of umpteen fallen nags." - is really lovely. "kernel of possibilities," - really like that. Open...
by beautifulloser
Thu Nov 24, 2011 5:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 10 ways to move forward
Replies: 16
Views: 1168

Re: 10 ways to move forward

One of your best. Who needs wikihow?

x
by beautifulloser
Thu Nov 24, 2011 5:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: From a Train Window
Replies: 12
Views: 902

Re: From a Train Window

Bodkin's crit has given all you need to polish this off. If the title stays as "From A Train Window" Why open with "Night time from a window"? Assuming this will be likely 2 (maybe 3) stanzas, expanding on this idea of a reflection(s) from a train window. The opening phrase could start: Rather than ...
by beautifulloser
Tue Aug 23, 2011 4:57 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Eels - Baby Loves Me
Replies: 3
Views: 520

Eels - Baby Loves Me

by beautifulloser
Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:42 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Spacemen 3
Replies: 2
Views: 410

Re: Spacemen 3

Like The Fall at their best/worst . . . can never tell.
by beautifulloser
Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:42 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Spacemen 3
Replies: 2
Views: 410

Re: Spacemen 3

Good call. I love the fact he has so much musical ingenuity yet this plods on for a minute and a half with some of the nastiness, top heavy distortion I've ever heard. Angry shit.

x