Search found 1595 matches

by 1lankest
Fri May 01, 2020 9:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: April
Replies: 7
Views: 357

Re: April

Thanks Mac, Jj, NOT, It’s good to be posting again. There’s merit in all your suggestions - like the idea of making it a series, NOT. The twenty pound note was designed to symbolise desperation, but perhaps it’s tasteless. Don’t get me wrong, I could do with a wad of them right now! Like the idea of...
by 1lankest
Wed Apr 29, 2020 8:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: April
Replies: 7
Views: 357

April

This month we make an offering: a twenty pound note secured with pebbles in the barbecue drum, garlanded by birch twigs, holly. Flames the greens of our daughter’s eyes don’t burn for long in the late evening of this her first winter baptism of floodwater, contagion - Soon patterns emerge in the res...
by 1lankest
Wed Apr 29, 2020 8:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Vital Signs (v2)
Replies: 9
Views: 327

Re: Vital Signs (v

Greetings NOT. I’m surprised I knew my password! I liked this very much, only I thought it got a little preachy and convoluted near the end. This especially: I'll know that the lockdown's over when the Public Inquiry absolves The Government: concluding it would not have been possible for them to for...
by 1lankest
Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Postpartum (Version 2)
Replies: 9
Views: 1056

Re: Postpartum (Version 2)

Thanks Ray!
Yes, so I’ve heard - I wonder if I’ll cope better with the complicated problems than with these here so -called simple ones!

I agree about th3 format. Revision attempted.

L
by 1lankest
Sun Nov 03, 2019 9:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Unwrapping
Replies: 11
Views: 1275

Re: Unwrapping

Much enjoyed. Do the yellow vests signify the protest embedded in the marital sexlessness?
Agree with NOT about the ending. Not only does it lack the comic/sonic appeal of the rest but I’m not sure what it means. What’s the significance of the undergarments staying on?

Luke
by 1lankest
Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Postpartum (Version 2)
Replies: 9
Views: 1056

Re: Postpartum

Thanks Jj, Tristan, lotus and Ray. Really helpful - I’ve made some changes based on your collective feedback. I’m keeping the start since JJ has shown it conveys the exact meaning I intended - thanks JJ! Best, Luke P.s thanks Tristan - from a very proud and exhausted dad of baby Florence! (Glad thin...
by 1lankest
Sat Oct 26, 2019 5:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Postpartum (Version 2)
Replies: 9
Views: 1056

Postpartum (Version 2)

V3 This I take it is the long-awaited covenant drafted in milk on muslin parchment, sealed in the small hours so infinitesimal even your mother's eyelids can be heard tapping out their hurried call that fills the holding cell, our room; that, and the rise and fall of my chest, your tiny head, each s...
by 1lankest
Sat Oct 26, 2019 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ghosts at Herculaneum
Replies: 5
Views: 563

Re: Ghosts at Herculaneum

I like it but I would try it without punctuation - let the in breaks do the pausing and maximise the abstract quality of the piece.

Luke
by 1lankest
Sat Oct 26, 2019 5:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Couple of Shorts
Replies: 6
Views: 615

Re: A Couple of Shorts

There’s a clear connection between the two but I think you need to improve the first and perhaps add some further links to the chain. Perhaps make it a foursome otherwise I think it’s too lightweight to hold much attention. I’d be tempted to use the first as a framing theme and build a series from t...
by 1lankest
Sat Oct 26, 2019 4:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Girardus Cambrensis
Replies: 10
Views: 1377

Re: Girardus Cambrensis

Been absent a while and this was worth the wait and an apt one on which to break my long silence! I know Gerald and this captures the man and the myth perfectly. strangely inadequate central heating system, Would this have been a misunderstood hypercaust system?! I didn’t understood the choice to us...
by 1lankest
Sat Sep 14, 2019 10:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)
Replies: 22
Views: 1884

Re: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)

“There's an old joke about a group of sexually frustrated sailors finding satisfaction in the knothole of a barrel. The barrelman took his turn in the barrel. Don't blame me, it's not my joke. :)

That’s a game-changer! Damn it.

Good to know re the birds.

Luke
by 1lankest
Sat Sep 14, 2019 10:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ticking Hands
Replies: 3
Views: 688

Ticking Hands

Pale, effeminate. No doubt they’d have got me arrested in Cambodia in the 70’s. Ditto Czechoslovakia, Estonia. Good-for-nothing palm-fulls of paucity. Danger in every digit. Yesterday, for instance, they overcooked the strimmer and melted like the carburettor. Hopeless with a spanner. Once, however,...
by 1lankest
Sat Sep 14, 2019 10:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Autumnal (was Diagnosis)[rev 2 + edit]
Replies: 11
Views: 1273

Re: Diagnosis

Very touching. Really nicely done, JJ.
I would be tempted to ditch S1 and begin

Every year she wears a dress...

You could change the title to Cherry, like the JJ Cale song of a similar theme.

Luke
by 1lankest
Sat Sep 14, 2019 10:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: That Night The Key Outgrew The Door
Replies: 9
Views: 1071

Re: That Night The Key Outgrew The Door

Marvellous.

each object struggled to contain
the suchness that it held within

Loved this! Very Aldous Huxley.

I couldn’t help reading Edgehill for Egghill.


I’ll have to return to this for deeper understanding but for now I’ll just savour the glide and spin.

Bravo.

Luke
by 1lankest
Sat Sep 14, 2019 10:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)
Replies: 22
Views: 1884

Re: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)

Thanks JJ! Really glad you liked it. Didn’t know about the sexual connotations! Gulp. Certainly not intended. Please explain! I just meant to reference the man who would be on lookout in the ship’s crow’s nest (usually made from an disused wine barrique or beer barrel.) Any view in the birds? NOT is...
by 1lankest
Thu Sep 12, 2019 3:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Simmering - an alternative version
Replies: 25
Views: 2356

Re: Simmering

I still don't know why your (or Narrator's) partner/girlfriend has become disappointed in the poem.
Yes, there’s certainly ambiguity here, perhaps a little too much.

Luke
by 1lankest
Wed Sep 11, 2019 6:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 2,3,4… (V2)
Replies: 5
Views: 603

Re: 2,3,4…

Enjoyed this, Jules.
Could you italicise ‘having eat, the terse feck’ to further show that it’s dialect?
Like of the idea of the relationship’s ordered, rhythmic structure belying its true imperfect order.

Luke
by 1lankest
Sun Sep 08, 2019 12:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: It started with a Selfie
Replies: 14
Views: 1168

Re: It started with a Selfie

Enjoyed this, Alexander. Good imagist stuff. Preferred the revision but I would drop the unnecessary prelim at the start, leaving this: your head is on another shoulder your hands kneading putty making a doll full of pins and self-destruction later you snapped limbs at the knee and elbow arranging f...
by 1lankest
Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:49 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Nine Muses Poetry
Replies: 7
Views: 1295

Re: Nine Muses Poetry

Top marks, Mac

Luke
by 1lankest
Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)
Replies: 22
Views: 1884

Re: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)

Thanks Alexander! Good shout on the semi colon. Can i ask you which your preferred version is?
Luke
by 1lankest
Thu Sep 05, 2019 12:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Simmering - an alternative version
Replies: 25
Views: 2356

Re: Simmering

Love it!
And yes, now you mention it, NOT, Ray is the master of the closing line.

My only question is what it the cause of her disappointment. Herself or himself, or both?
Luke
by 1lankest
Thu Sep 05, 2019 9:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)
Replies: 22
Views: 1884

Re: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)

Good point, Ray.

How about ‘the sources of your movements’?
I had considered the unrealistic nature of some of the language, given they are pupils, but I thought it didn’t matter in a poem. Surely there’s an element of suspension of disbelief expected of the reader?

Luke
by 1lankest
Wed Sep 04, 2019 2:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reading People (V6)
Replies: 12
Views: 1010

Re: Reading People

So the books and people interchangeable here? If so I don’t understand s2.
I like the idea a lot, however, and s1 is strong.

Luke
by 1lankest
Wed Sep 04, 2019 1:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)
Replies: 22
Views: 1884

Re: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (V2)

You’re right, NOT, thanks. You’ve got a pretty good sense of this one so I am going to go with you wholeheartedly.
I’ve added an extra bit in the middle to add substance to the pupils concern, without, I think, muddying the water with birds.

Luke
by 1lankest
Sun Sep 01, 2019 2:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils (Version 3)
Replies: 22
Views: 1884

Re: A history teacher’s appraisal by his pupils

Thanks Ray, David, NOT. Appreciate you returning to this.
I’ve taken bits of all your advice and shown, IMHO, considerably bravery in my edit! Hope you approve.
Cheers,
Luke