Search found 18 matches

by LewisC
Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Junkers Diction.
Replies: 6
Views: 652

A Junkers Diction.

An alabaster-powder sniffed note set alongside empty bodies and decanters. Nose-first into regrets and haze, muddled appendages with another olfactory like an old-age factory; workers clogged and unwilling. A junker clambering for pain to quell outreaching for the overused note Renewing the day and ...
by LewisC
Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Lie-in? (v2)
Replies: 10
Views: 1212

Re: Lie-in? (v2)

I feel like the 'two arses, legs,' needs a third but that could just be me. Maybe dirt-feet or taut-lips? I love the sullied sheets/untidy argument lines, they really anchor the poem.

Lewis
by LewisC
Sat Jan 25, 2014 2:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Parasite
Replies: 11
Views: 1008

Re: Parasite

Strong opening and I like the tone of it. I liked the last two lines but I'm unsure of the use of thing, How about body again? Or wretch? I agree that It would be a stronger ending with the question so maybe play around with the order and fit the last two lines somewhere else?

Lewis
by LewisC
Fri Jan 24, 2014 3:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Manly?
Replies: 1
Views: 283

Manly?

I'm not very sure about this one, it seems a mess, I dont really know what to do with it. Unabashed; your stolid demeanor keeps strong: no hugs or kisses, only handshakes and punches, none of that namby-pamby kiddie rubbish, no flash words or any reason to ballyhoo. Rugged, manly and having grown fa...
by LewisC
Fri Jan 24, 2014 3:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The hunter is tired at the end of the day
Replies: 3
Views: 387

Re: The hunter is tired at the end of the day

I really enjoyed this, It left me wanting more. It felt like you plucked out each word after careful deliberation and it works.
Good stuff.
by LewisC
Fri Jan 24, 2014 3:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perceived incorrectly
Replies: 5
Views: 548

Re: Perceived incorrectly

I think I get the idea that its the uncertainty that you can't really know someone else's thoughts ultimately leaving you alone? Is reality ;to live.To truly be alone. I think may need revising, I think it could be portrayed better. Being alone has already been explained in the previous stanza. Mayb...
by LewisC
Sun Jan 19, 2014 5:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Getting on, getting older.
Replies: 4
Views: 1296

Getting on, getting older.

Its hard to stay stoic as we grow old. Malleable situations do their duties to unfold, wrinkles show on past memories and present faces, who are we to be, after falling from good graces? Youth of ignorance and innocence flow blindly, a deluge of capricious years pass us unkindly. Cynical from cyclic...
by LewisC
Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Neurotic's wandering wallet
Replies: 3
Views: 365

Neurotic's wandering wallet

A whole life that is wrapped up in faux-leather, being misplaced in a moment of awkward faux-pas. Paper and coins, credit and debit, photos and memories, driving license and the rest of identities. A hassle, such a hassle to replace what cannot be found! Manic in a useless search of 'where did I hav...
by LewisC
Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Another ten minutes.
Replies: 3
Views: 571

Re: Another ten minutes.

Hi Jackie,

Fantastic feedback. I hadn't even noticed that, great to have a fresh pair of eyes looking this over. :D thanks.
by LewisC
Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: After the hurly-burly (rev1)
Replies: 22
Views: 1389

Re: After the hurly-burly (rev1)

Hi Mac,

I love the scene it sets especially with the 'rain curtains drift' image. I can help but feel it is the beginning of something longer though. Such, do the sisters get caught up in the coming stormy weather? or maybe thats the point of it.
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: All-knowing Nitwit
Replies: 4
Views: 424

Re: All-knowing Nitwit

Thanks og, it was fun to write. I can see what you mean about the "chorus" it detracts from the rest of the poems flow. I think I just wanted to use the word ultracrepidarian if I'm honest :-). I tried to fit it in because of the complimenting ee sound from epicurean to the aa of the latter. haha yo...
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Another ten minutes.
Replies: 3
Views: 571

Another ten minutes.

Soporific tunes the songbirds sing outside my window, resting and pressed into my sheets deeper and deeper. Content and relaxed no reasons or meanings in store. As I reach thirty-nine winks the last abruptly ceased, an artificial alarm rings reminding me of my day ahead. I press snooze and compress ...
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Comet
Replies: 7
Views: 782

Re: Comet

I love the first line, sets it up nicely. It flows well also. I would only say, does it need the 'now' in the first line of the second stanza? also maybe just destroy instead of destroys?
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Played Solitaire (working title)
Replies: 12
Views: 1259

Re: Played Solitare

Hi Sharon, I love the cute imagery of the belly-buttons. It took a few reads to fully get it's meaning but it flows off the tongue so well I kept reading it over anyway. I took it as you're matter of fact about the whole situation and you don't mind he's not there because you get lost in your own 'i...
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 10:17 am
Forum: Poetry Exercises
Topic: It's a date
Replies: 11
Views: 8266

Re: It's a date

....8

Meet at elephant and castle.
I'll bring the peanuts,
and you be the princess.
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 10:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Journey (Haibun)
Replies: 7
Views: 567

Re: Journey (Haibun)

Hi David, I didn't really get the format of the whole thing but I did think there was some interesting visuals. I took it to mean that you've never really felt despair or solitude but there is still something that irks you, that each day is hard to get through. Don't know if thats what you were goin...
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 9:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: All-knowing Nitwit
Replies: 4
Views: 424

All-knowing Nitwit

All-knowing Nitwit The triteness despite his efforts of his idle talk and our idle silence. Using unknown idioms like an idiot, although a partisan for peculiar language. When he talks he seems aplomb. Though his knowledge is next to tenuous; claiming to know the arcane and archaic but only knowing ...
by LewisC
Sun Jan 12, 2014 9:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: On The Estate
Replies: 7
Views: 624

Re: On The Estate

Hi David,

I agree with cynwulf about the use of the word philistine, there must be a word that is more apt.
I like the whole 'bus stop conversation style', it fits with what the poem is about.