Search found 3091 matches

by JJWilliamson
Sun May 03, 2020 12:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adrift
Replies: 8
Views: 250

Re: Adrift

No, I think I need to learn how to read. :)
TrevorConway wrote:
Sun May 03, 2020 11:16 am
You think that phrase needs a bit of revision?
JJ
by JJWilliamson
Sun May 03, 2020 10:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: After
Replies: 7
Views: 334

Re: After

I find myself agreeing with Tristan, Perry. The first three lines are a good hook in my opinion but it trails off into the mundane after that. It's a pleasant enough read and I wasn't bored, finding the questions interesting. I also wondered if you were going for some kind of meter. It seems to read...
by JJWilliamson
Sun May 03, 2020 10:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 19
Views: 681

Re: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1] (was Visitors)

Thanks for getting back to me, Not. . Hi JJ, beyond the technical I don't think this works that well. ...Ah well, fair enough. For me it falls down when I wonder what his mind perceives does not lead to any exploration/elaboration of this wondering. ...It's a simple thought, like the way I used to w...
by JJWilliamson
Sun May 03, 2020 10:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 19
Views: 681

Re: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1] (was Visitors)

Thanks a lot, Trevor, for dropping back in to look at the revision . Very nice, JJ - I like the brooders/suitors rhyme! And you've made the virus idea fit in a bit better, ...I hoped this extra stanza would provide a link from the romantic to the potentially tragic. I think, though I find "For" used...
by JJWilliamson
Sat May 02, 2020 9:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Encounter.
Replies: 9
Views: 436

Re: Encounter.

What a dilemma. I like both versions, Tony. The others have all made some fine comments, ones I found myself nodding to. I miss the coin/slot reference and agree about the mugging aspect. Some thoughts for your perusal: Revision Silently, slowly, ...Not bad but we all know the moon is silent and slo...
by JJWilliamson
Sat May 02, 2020 9:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adrift
Replies: 8
Views: 250

Re: Adrift

I can totally sympathise with the speaker, having experienced this first hand. A friend of mine once said "Don't worry, it'll pass" and it did. Hang in there if this is current. I wonder if I would have picked up on the content without your explanation. I think I would, given the references. Persona...
by JJWilliamson
Sat May 02, 2020 8:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Without Explanation
Replies: 10
Views: 388

Re: Without Explanation

I thought it was about looks and behaviour, the superficial versus the complex.
If so, I like it. It's one of those I'd enjoy reading and thinking about on a plane.

Best

JJ
by JJWilliamson
Sat May 02, 2020 8:44 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Mac in The Poetry Shed
Replies: 3
Views: 180

Re: Mac in The Poetry Shed

I remember it, mac, and thoroughly enjoyed reading it again. Well done on this poem and the publication.

It's a beauty, mac, a real beauty.

JJ
by JJWilliamson
Sat May 02, 2020 8:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Beautiful Soul
Replies: 4
Views: 223

Re: Beautiful Soul

Before I comment further, Anon, is this about the death of a much missed loved one? The reason I ask is because it struck me that way, and I have written several poems about crushing grief in the past. It's a tricky subject and very difficult to critique. If this is about love lost then Perry has of...
by JJWilliamson
Fri May 01, 2020 7:31 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 759

Re: The Durdle Door (revised)

Thanks, mac and Mrs mac, for taking another look for me. Appreciated. Mrs Mac and I feel the figures are a tad tiny JJ. ...I'll accept a bit on the small side. :) Just me going for impact. There was a lot of short people out for a stroll that day. :) The island is definitely more an island. ...Ah, g...
by JJWilliamson
Thu Apr 30, 2020 9:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: April
Replies: 7
Views: 354

Re: April

So much to like, Luke, and I'll try to offer more later. Initially, I enjoyed the sacrificial aspects, as if they were a last resort, and a fear for the future. The twenty pound note was intriguing and the entire opening section acted as a super hook. Later on I saw a worried parent considering the ...
by JJWilliamson
Thu Apr 30, 2020 9:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cottage Pie
Replies: 10
Views: 380

Re: Cottage Pie

There's a lot to like, Trevor, and the effort is a valiant one, but for me it's a bit too long. Some lines could be cut without it affecting the content. My first thought, not too surprisingly, was to rhyme this poem using meter. Triple meter would work a treat but it's not easy. There's a heartines...
by JJWilliamson
Thu Apr 30, 2020 9:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dandelion (V4)
Replies: 11
Views: 425

Re: Dandelion (V4)

It's the second strophe that counts with the first being the set up. My preference is V3. I think V5 is too suggestive, given the gentleness of the other versions. You could leave something for the reader EG only " When I hear you stir/ how envious I am of the morning sun". Just a thought. Enjoyed B...
by JJWilliamson
Thu Apr 30, 2020 8:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 25
Views: 909

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

Clever, entertaining poem, Not, and one that put a wry smile on my face. Your triple meter is very good, for the most part, but does falter in a few places, particularly the last line V3. . v3 The Promised Land Trumpety-Dumpety built a great wall ...perfect meter, and nice punning. of hot air and li...
by JJWilliamson
Thu Apr 30, 2020 8:22 am
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 759

Re: The Durdle Door (revised)

Thanks for getting back to me, Perry. I must admit that I like the changes, myself, for the very reasons you cite. The scale and perspective is much clearer with the revisions. Delighted you liked. JJ The changes are good. I like them. The figures on the beach give the picture more perspective.
by JJWilliamson
Wed Apr 29, 2020 6:02 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 759

Re: The Durdle Door

Thank you very much, Perry, for looking at this painting and for offering your impressions. Appreciated. The detail is likely not so apparent because of distance. With this in mind, and because of mac's concerns, I have revised the painting to show more in the way of scale. I've added some highlight...
by JJWilliamson
Tue Apr 28, 2020 3:21 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 759

Re: The Durdle Door

Thanks for the feedback, mac, and very interesting comments. Interesting JJ. Are you experimenting with your style? The foreground detail has your characteristic, almost photographic reality - the green/yellow vegetation. ...I'm experimenting with distance more than anything else, almost dropping th...
by JJWilliamson
Mon Apr 27, 2020 3:37 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 759

The Durdle Door (revised)

Oil on canvas 50 x 40 cms. The Durdle Door is to be found in Dorset, England. The colours and sheer beauty were enough to attract my attention. Just had to paint this lovely rock formation. See what you think. Revision Durdle Door 29 04 2020 003 700 pix.jpg The Durdle Door 27 04 2020 005 700 pix.jpg
by JJWilliamson
Tue Apr 21, 2020 8:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not to a Mouse [revision 3]
Replies: 12
Views: 655

Re: Not to a Mouse [revision 3]

Thank you once again, Not, for your continued efforts. Much appreciated. . Hi JJ. I think it reads a lot better with 'she' (but then I would say that wouldn't I?). ...Ah, but so do I. It also makes more sense. Still not convinced by the same things as before, so here's a couple of gentle provocation...
by JJWilliamson
Tue Apr 21, 2020 7:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 19
Views: 681

Re: Visitors

Thanks again, mac and Perry, for dropping in to comment. Appreciated. No, I wasn't in the least bit offended, Perry. The poem came to me as I was walking through some local woods near my house. It's about a mile's walk, past a number of farms, to get there. They are preceded by a narrow, hedge lined...
by JJWilliamson
Mon Apr 20, 2020 8:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 19
Views: 681

Re: Visitors

Thank you very much, Trevor, Perry and mac, for the great comments. Appreciated. Hi JJ, It worked fairly well for me. Most of the rhymes didn't feel too forced (the exceptions for me were leas and perceives, and maybe also campaign). The reference to the virus felt out of place and tacked on at the ...
by JJWilliamson
Mon Apr 20, 2020 7:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not to a Mouse [revision 3]
Replies: 12
Views: 655

Re: Not to a Mouse [revision 2]

Thanks, Not I must say, I'm delighted with your reply AND the suggestions offered. I have absolutely no aversion to a gender change (not personally, you understand) and I will almost certainly make the change. The link, incidentally, has made all the difference. . Hi JJ, like the changes to S1, exce...
by JJWilliamson
Sun Apr 19, 2020 8:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not to a Mouse [revision 3]
Replies: 12
Views: 655

Re: Not to a Mouse [revision 2]

I thought I'd finished with this one, folks, but Not's "beastie" suggestion just kept niggling away.
I know from experience what that means and distance definitely helped me to see it through new eyes.
So, here's the second revision, where S1 has been revised for the better, I hope.

Best

JJ
by JJWilliamson
Sun Apr 19, 2020 3:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Curious (revision2)
Replies: 27
Views: 924

Re: Curious (revision)

Well, I have to say, mac, that the general premise was a delight to follow and I had no problem, at all, unearthing the connection to Gran. (at least I think so) It's a super little snapshot that reminded me of my own experiences with worms and "myths". I like how the poem reveals itself as it progr...
by JJWilliamson
Sat Apr 18, 2020 2:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 19
Views: 681

Re: Visitors

No need to apologise, Tristan. Critique is the name of the game, and I thank you for getting back to me. I'm pleased the Covid link was apparent after all. I thought I'd completely missed the mark. Not for the first time. :)

Best

JJ