Search found 511 matches

by Lou
Mon Apr 01, 2019 8:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Good Old Fashioned Courage v4.
Replies: 23
Views: 2843

Re: Good Old Fashioned Courage

Yes, definitely a fun sonnet with form and content nicely matched. Don't think 'ken' and 'onion' rhyme properly tho.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Sun Mar 31, 2019 10:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Lighthouse
Replies: 6
Views: 1280

Re: Lighthouse

Hi tpedora,

I wasn't that bothered with the repetition - this is the sort of poem where the music demands things being said more than once. The only place I wasn't sure about was stanza 2 where 'searched' is repeated without real justification. Good piece of work!

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Frosted Flakes
Replies: 14
Views: 2787

Re: Frosted Flakes

Thanks churinga,

You make lots of good points which I shall certainly consider when I come to revise this one,

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Wed Mar 07, 2018 9:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Frosted Flakes
Replies: 14
Views: 2787

Re: Frosted Flakes

Thanks David,

I'll think about the 'Tote dat barge! Lif' dat bale!' bit - I always wanted to write a musical - and I'll cut one of the 'and's.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Frosted Flakes
Replies: 14
Views: 2787

Re: Frosted Flakes

Thanks RC,

Me too! I still have a bowl of Frosties once in a while, but with all that sugar it's a very guilty pleasure.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Re: Poirot Stumbles

Thanks Joao,

Yes, the title isn't satisfactory, I'll have to put my thinking cap on and come up with something better. 'Released' is certainly worth considering.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Re: Poirot Stumbles

Thanks again, David,

Yes, this would work too.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Re: Poirot Stumbles

Thanks David,

I think this would fix L.13: I GASP, pro-TEST-ing, TEARS roll FROM my EYES, - a strong beat on the weak word 'from' but it can't be helped.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Sat Jan 27, 2018 9:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Re: Poirot Stumbles

Thanks JJ, No, this one's not a repost, it's just been hanging around here for ages. I think the problem with Poirot, and indeed most fictional detectives, is that they always discover the identity of the murderer - they're omnipotent, which in reality wouldn't be very likely. I remember one episode...
by Lou
Wed Jan 24, 2018 8:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Re: Poirot Stumbles

Thanks RC,

Yes, no one can touch Suchet in the role of Poirot, certainly not Kenneth Branagh with that ridiculous tash he sports in the new 'Orient Express'.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Frosted Flakes
Replies: 14
Views: 2787

Re: Frosted Flakes

Thanks again forty-two,

Scansion is often a case of either or either and, yes, I too like to read poems out loud. It's not only a good way to check the scansion, it can also throw up other infelicities in the work.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Fri Jan 05, 2018 9:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Frosted Flakes
Replies: 14
Views: 2787

Re: Frosted Flakes

Thanks again forty-two, Cutting the up-beat on the recurring line gives a slightly humorous plonking effect to the rhythm, but your suggestions, I admit, are equally good. 'and TEN months LA-ter PAL-mer's O-pens' is how I'd scan the line. Best, Lou Thanks again Ray, You're right, I could lose an 'an...
by Lou
Thu Jan 04, 2018 9:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Frosted Flakes
Replies: 14
Views: 2787

Re: Frosted Flakes

Thanks Ray, I hope there isn't a Palmer's supermarket chain - don't wanna get sued. I tried to stick to commas throughout - I feel that some of my stuff recently has been too fussily punctuated. I agree with you about dropping the colon. I thought 'consecrated tills' was rather novel. I don't get yo...
by Lou
Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Frosted Flakes
Replies: 14
Views: 2787

Frosted Flakes

At night men come to move the dead before the snow-bound town awakes, the supermarket must be built, cornflakes, bran flakes, frosted flake s. The church and graves deconsecrated, plots squared off with tape and stakes, men sweat to put food on their tables, cornflakes, bran flakes, frosted flakes. ...
by Lou
Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Martinique for Christmas
Replies: 4
Views: 1035

Re: Martinique for Christmas

Good prose poem with a snappy ending. Unfortunately, I haven't been to Edinburgh or Martinique but I know where I'd prefer to be right now.

Best,
Freezing Lou
by Lou
Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Patagonia
Replies: 21
Views: 2947

Re: Patagonia

Thanks Tristan, Yes, some of these lines could be improved - it would be a nice exercise for me give the piece more rhythm and make it rhyme - as readers seem to want - just to compare the two versions. Maybe next year. Best, Lou Thanks Pauline, I like what you've done here and may pinch a few of yo...
by Lou
Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Misty Morning Lake, December 22nd
Replies: 5
Views: 977

Re: Misty Morning Lake, December 22nd

I agree with mac about losing 'like'. S1 and S3 are in the present tense whereas S2 is in the past. 'Gulls balancing' would be nice.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Mon Dec 25, 2017 8:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Patagonia
Replies: 21
Views: 2947

Re: Patagonia

Thanks David, I'm sorry that you find my writing of this piece 'stale'. The poem you quote - which I much enjoyed - is obviously more 'poetic', but horses for courses, the idea was to recapture the slewed matter-of-factness of my dream, and I wrote the poem in the best way to achieve this. I too had...
by Lou
Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Patagonia
Replies: 21
Views: 2947

Re: Patagonia

Thanks Tony,

Yes, I think you're probably right - maybe it needs another stanza to broaden the idea.

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Patagonia
Replies: 21
Views: 2947

Re: Patagonia

Thanks JJ, It's true as you say that an absolutely strict metre wouldn't work with this poem but I probably have gone too far in pulling the metre around. Wild horses wouldn't persuade me to visit the deathbed of someone I didn't know. Absolutely, which is why I'm sure I had this awful dream. Yes I ...
by Lou
Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Patagonia
Replies: 21
Views: 2947

Re: Patagonia

Thanks Walton,

Yes, this one needs some more work - but not this Christmas!

Best,
Lou
by Lou
Wed Dec 20, 2017 7:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pastimes
Replies: 10
Views: 1902

Re: Pastimes

Thanks, forty-two!
by Lou
Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Re: Poirot Stumbles

Thanks fortytwo, I am not keen on this forum process of dissecting poems line by line as often it seems to me not much of relevance comes out of the process, just one opinion next to another. You're right, of course, the author might have spent three months working on the poem whereas the critter ha...
by Lou
Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Re: Poirot Stumbles

Thanks Not, And thanks for such a detailed crit! see fit to damn my crime and let him see! this reads as rather too contrived. (Also would Poirot credit the Fates rather than his 'little grey cells'?) Unlike, say Sherlock Holmes, most of Christie's Poirots, depend on a large slice of luck to aid the...
by Lou
Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poirot Stumbles
Replies: 15
Views: 2418

Poirot Stumbles

He singles me out first, enumerates my motive, means and opportunity: I murdered Auntie Maud and now the Fates see fit to damn my crime and let him see! I stammer my pathetic alibi, he smirks and turns to Raymond, then to Beth, until it’s clear we all wished Aunt to die, for everyone would profit fr...