Search found 975 matches

by Perry
Sun May 03, 2020 10:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: After
Replies: 7
Views: 337

Re: After

Tristan and JJ, thank you for your feedback. You gave me what I needed. I do think that these things have been said before.

I can't say more because I'm trying to fix a computer problem. Thanks again.
by Perry
Sat May 02, 2020 8:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: After
Replies: 7
Views: 337

Re: After

Given that no one has commented on this in 3-1/2 days, there must be something wrong with it; but I won't know what that is unless you tell me.
by Perry
Sat May 02, 2020 5:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: April
Replies: 7
Views: 357

Re: April

I would have chimed in, but there is too much that I don't understand, like "a twenty pound note secured with pebbles in the barbecue drum". Just not sure what that is, or why money is being sacrificed, or what barbecue has to do with it. (Is a "barbecue drum" a grill?) That's the way it is for me: ...
by Perry
Fri May 01, 2020 11:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Beautiful Soul
Replies: 4
Views: 223

Re: Beautiful Soul

Anongirl, I think your writing is very sincere and heartfelt. Those are good qualities that will serve you well over the years. The impression I have is that you are young and possibly new to poetry. Among other things, you need to decide if you are writing just for yourself, or if you are writing f...
by Perry
Wed Apr 29, 2020 11:16 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 780

Re: The Durdle Door (revised)

The changes are good. I like them. The figures on the beach give the picture more perspective.
by Perry
Wed Apr 29, 2020 10:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cottage Pie
Replies: 10
Views: 381

Re: Cottage Pie

I like the poem, but I would like it better if the line lengths were a little more consistent. Generally, I don't like mixing long and short lines, and I especially don't like putting words on a line by themselves -- I think there are better ways to give emphasis to individual words. As for the tone...
by Perry
Wed Apr 29, 2020 10:05 am
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 780

Re: The Durdle Door

I'm not seeing as much detail in the painting as I would like to see. Of course, the photo of the painting isn't very large, so perhaps I just can't see it because of the resolution of the picture. The foreground grass looks the most realistic to me.
by Perry
Wed Apr 29, 2020 5:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: After
Replies: 7
Views: 337

After

This is the part where we become friends after the love has died; where kisses turn to texts which trail off because I am now someone she never misses — unlike the days when she couldn’t live without me. Perhaps I should be glad. Friendship is a deeper kind of love, or so I've heard. I miss what we ...
by Perry
Mon Apr 20, 2020 10:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 19
Views: 686

Re: Visitors

JJ, I was afraid that you'd be offended by my remark, and I'm glad you weren't. I do want to add something that I've said before. Let's say that four or five people critique your poem, and one or two of them understand the message, then by all means keep it as it is. There's no harm in sending a mes...
by Perry
Sat Apr 18, 2020 8:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Warmth
Replies: 8
Views: 410

Re: Warmth

I thought that this poem had fallen off the bottom, but two more comments have come in. Thank you to Trevor and JJ. I think you have both made some good suggestions, and I'll consider them. The poem is too plodding, too pedestrian. I think it would be improved by more lyrical language. But when I tr...
by Perry
Sat Apr 18, 2020 7:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 19
Views: 686

Re: Visitors

My feelings are similar to Tristan's, but I want to praise you for writing very capably in rhyme, which isn't easy. I have noticed that this is something that happens over and over again: A poet will write out a progression of events or observations to support the poem's ending argument, but it turn...
by Perry
Sat Apr 18, 2020 5:36 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Streetcake
Replies: 7
Views: 430

Re: Streetcake

I've never seen so much experimental poetry in one place. I'm going to have to take a sedative.
by Perry
Sat Apr 18, 2020 1:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2
Replies: 11
Views: 383

Re: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2

The office was almost empty from the strike, but the milk continued to be delivered. The managers, not wanting the milk to go to waste, wrote on the oldest bottles, PLEASE USE FIRST, for when the workers returned. But as the strike went on, it was as if for them, the workers were there, refusing to...
by Perry
Sat Apr 18, 2020 1:15 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Streetcake
Replies: 7
Views: 430

Re: Streetcake

The issue of that magazine has to be purchased, right? I couldn't find a link that took me into it.
by Perry
Fri Apr 17, 2020 9:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ghost-Meat
Replies: 5
Views: 315

Re: Ghost-Meat

I like this poem. It makes sense and flows smoothly. My only complaint is that the ending stanza strikes me as a little weak. I'd like to see you draw something more profound from finding "ghost meat" on a menu. Would it be the colour of tripe, greyish, or white coloured, "Colour" twice doesn't work...
by Perry
Thu Apr 16, 2020 6:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Analgesia
Replies: 9
Views: 437

Re: Analgesia

We reel them in with Ritalin, (Big Pharma pockets the profit) Prozac and Amphetamine – it gets so hard to come off it. Increasing dependency doses, the playground exchange of bright sweets; (Are you saying that the drugs LOOK like bright sweets?) damned by a dual diagnosis, the endless prescription...
by Perry
Thu Apr 16, 2020 6:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Warmth
Replies: 8
Views: 410

Re: Warmth

Thank you, Ray. I also felt that the second stanza was the weakest, and I've been working on it. The poem's pattern, however, is: 4 3 4 3 (beats) ... and as good as your revision is, it doesn't fit the pattern. But I'll keep working on it. I thought about ending with "enough", but I wanted to keep t...
by Perry
Wed Apr 15, 2020 12:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Warmth
Replies: 8
Views: 410

Re: Warmth

Thank you, Tristan.

To me, the first stanza isn't any better than the others, but I'll try to see what you see in it. If I can, perhaps I can spin it into something else.

Perry
by Perry
Tue Apr 14, 2020 8:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Warmth
Replies: 8
Views: 410

Warmth

The only warmth in my life right now comes from a heating pipe. It is a sad measure of my age that I prefer it that way. Love was a messy thing; I wasn’t good at it. And sex was even worse — all those bodily fluids that had to be cleaned, not to mention diseases, a few of which might have killed me....
by Perry
Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 5am & Philosophical
Replies: 17
Views: 592

Re: 5am & Philosophical

I think this is a fairly straightforward poem about trying to rock a baby to sleep in your arms while travelling. There does seem to be a little bit of a gap between the first and second stanza, which may hinder understanding/flow a little. I can’t parse stanza one either. There maybe an ‘of’ neede...
by Perry
Mon Apr 13, 2020 3:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 5am & Philosophical
Replies: 17
Views: 592

Re: 5am & Philosophical

The meaning of this poem seems to ride on the symbols. I'm having trouble interpreting it. But that's not unusual for me, as I'm quite literal-minded.
by Perry
Sun Apr 12, 2020 10:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Curious (revision2)
Replies: 27
Views: 938

Re: Curious (revision)

revision The one section twisting, the other still. I am a child again, with a trowel playing at science. Gran saying, it mends itself in time . A comfort myth. I toss the halves into the long grass, dismiss those garden voices, finish digging. Later, I read about the clitellum and mend, in my mind...
by Perry
Sat Apr 11, 2020 10:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Search (some improvements)
Replies: 10
Views: 863

Re: The Search (some improvements)

I've always been ambitious when it comes to poetry, and that was partially responsible for the writer's block. The only pure motivation to write is for the love of poetry, not to become famous, meaning that I had to get my priorities straight. Then, in 2016, I realized that time was running out, and...
by Perry
Sat Apr 11, 2020 12:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Search (some improvements)
Replies: 10
Views: 863

Re: The Search (some improvements)

Thanks so much, Tristan. You offered useful suggestions before. However, the poem is still a little repetitious, but if I cut phrases out, I can't fit it into tercets. Lately I've been feeling very inadequate, and that's affecting my writing. I had writer's block most of my life, and now I have abou...
by Perry
Fri Apr 10, 2020 3:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Search (some improvements)
Replies: 10
Views: 863

Re: The Search (some improvements)

Trevor, I've been away from the board for quite a while, which is why I didn't reply sooner. My apologies. First, you describe the poem in glowing terms, but then you make changes to every stanza. I'm not quite sure what to think of that. Very specific line-by-line suggestions aren't always useful t...