The Poets' Graves Workshop

Hi, guys. I've been away for a while and didn't notice that some comments came in. SpringChic, thanks for your comments. Objects often have interesting stories behind them. Trevor, thank you for your comments. The reasons for line breaks in my poems often have to do with the meter. The meter I write...

I like the overall tone of the language, which is pensive and mature. In you, I see splinters of sun, a rivery rhythm that lifts you into the dark, a cathedral of flaming spires ringing warmth as my immigrant arms reach out. [Why is your immigrant status important?] I glimpse the excitement of those...

Lotus, thank you for your comment.

I've been focussing on other things for the last couple weeks, but I'm back now.

Why would posting poems here violate the guidelines? As long as you have critiqued at least two poems, you are free to post. If you are a new poet, you should post in the Beginners' forum.

Personally, I know nothing about them. I can't speak for England, but in the U.S., a poem is automatically copyrighted once it is published. Exactly what the law says about posting on a forum, I don't know -- that may indeed qualify as publication (or it may not). My best guess is that such for-prof...

Posting your poem on a forum like this, and then taking a screen shot of the thread, will give you proof that you owned the poem on the date of the thread. If no one can come up with any proof that has an earlier date on it, then the poem is yours. Indeed, you don't even need the screen shot if the ...

Mac, you've certainly made me feel good -- thank you. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to accomplish in the poem -- just bits and bobs from our lives that seemed to somehow be related to each other, contrasting our characters. It was that old plastic tray sitting on my desk that inspired the poe...

All I can suggest is that you try to say more with fewer words. Economy is one of the hallmarks of good poetry. Make your point once, and then go on to the next point -- and when all the points are finished, the poem becomes a closed and completed circle of meaning. I'm not sure that what I'm saying...

For twenty years my mother brought her lunch to work in Rubbermaid trays she would pop into the lunch-room microwave. Somehow I was lucky enough to inherit one, scars still on the plastic where the food boiled. [replaced "now forty years old but still looking fresh"] I think of her, competent, indus...

revision The driest May and fear of drought and virus, that smear of honeydew, and sallow leaves. Our wish list idles in a camping van. She opens bedroom windows for a breeze, far too humid for sleep. There's no reprieve. With greenfly gravity the sweet peas sag. Garden mages pray for rain. To our ...

Tristan and JJ, thank you for your feedback. You gave me what I needed. I do think that these things have been said before.

I can't say more because I'm trying to fix a computer problem. Thanks again.

Given that no one has commented on this in 3-1/2 days, there must be something wrong with it; but I won't know what that is unless you tell me.

I would have chimed in, but there is too much that I don't understand, like "a twenty pound note secured with pebbles in the barbecue drum". Just not sure what that is, or why money is being sacrificed, or what barbecue has to do with it. (Is a "barbecue drum" a grill?) That's the way it is for me: ...

Anongirl, I think your writing is very sincere and heartfelt. Those are good qualities that will serve you well over the years. The impression I have is that you are young and possibly new to poetry. Among other things, you need to decide if you are writing just for yourself, or if you are writing f...

The changes are good. I like them. The figures on the beach give the picture more perspective.

I like the poem, but I would like it better if the line lengths were a little more consistent. Generally, I don't like mixing long and short lines, and I especially don't like putting words on a line by themselves -- I think there are better ways to give emphasis to individual words. As for the tone...

I'm not seeing as much detail in the painting as I would like to see. Of course, the photo of the painting isn't very large, so perhaps I just can't see it because of the resolution of the picture. The foreground grass looks the most realistic to me.

This is the part where we become friends after the love has died; where kisses turn to texts which trail off because I am now someone she never misses — unlike the days when she couldn’t live without me. Perhaps I should be glad. Friendship is a deeper kind of love, or so I've heard. I miss what we ...

JJ, I was afraid that you'd be offended by my remark, and I'm glad you weren't. I do want to add something that I've said before. Let's say that four or five people critique your poem, and one or two of them understand the message, then by all means keep it as it is. There's no harm in sending a mes...

I thought that this poem had fallen off the bottom, but two more comments have come in. Thank you to Trevor and JJ. I think you have both made some good suggestions, and I'll consider them. The poem is too plodding, too pedestrian. I think it would be improved by more lyrical language. But when I tr...

My feelings are similar to Tristan's, but I want to praise you for writing very capably in rhyme, which isn't easy. I have noticed that this is something that happens over and over again: A poet will write out a progression of events or observations to support the poem's ending argument, but it turn...

I've never seen so much experimental poetry in one place. I'm going to have to take a sedative.

The office was almost empty from the strike, but the milk continued to be delivered. The managers, not wanting the milk to go to waste, wrote on the oldest bottles, PLEASE USE FIRST, for when the workers returned. But as the strike went on, it was as if for them, the workers were there, refusing to...

The issue of that magazine has to be purchased, right? I couldn't find a link that took me into it.

I like this poem. It makes sense and flows smoothly. My only complaint is that the ending stanza strikes me as a little weak. I'd like to see you draw something more profound from finding "ghost meat" on a menu. Would it be the colour of tripe, greyish, or white coloured, "Colour" twice doesn't work...