Search found 80 matches

by Harbal
Sun Aug 04, 2019 4:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Carbuncles in Sheffield (Was: Time Bombs in Sheffield)
Replies: 17
Views: 1334

Re: Carbuncles in Sheffield (Was: Time Bombs in Sheffield)

The bomb disposal unit were doing geo-phys on a site hear Hoyle Street, Sheffield, where an office block had just been demolished. Yes, I know it, across from the Shell garage. I only work a few hundred yards away, there could easily be another one underneath where I park my car. You couldn't ask t...
by Harbal
Sun Aug 04, 2019 3:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Carbuncles in Sheffield (Was: Time Bombs in Sheffield)
Replies: 17
Views: 1334

Re: Carbuncles in Sheffield (Was: Time Bombs in Sheffield)

Firebird wrote:
Sun Aug 04, 2019 7:48 am

Across the road from where I work
I work in Sheffield. :shock:

Where exactly is the bomb? :(
by Harbal
Sun Jul 28, 2019 8:00 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Leaf's wreaths
Replies: 22
Views: 2741

Re: Leaf's wreaths

I won't embarrass you by gushing over your poetry yet again, Leaf. Suffice it to say that the usual magic is still there. :D
by Harbal
Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)
Replies: 16
Views: 1338

Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

barrett wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:47 pm
It's because of those things that this is an interesting poem.
I totally agree, barrett, it was precisely those things that drew my attention to it.
by Harbal
Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)
Replies: 16
Views: 1338

Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

barrett wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:53 am
I could point out the spelling mistakes and the grammatical errors and the fact that some parts really don't seem to make a lot of sense
To commit all those crimes and still produce a praiseworthy piece of work takes a special kind of talent; wouldn't you say, barrett? :D
by Harbal
Sun Jul 21, 2019 1:18 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: My Ramblings
Replies: 10
Views: 7002

Re: My Ramblings

I'd be tempted to trim a little here and there I agree, NQS, much of what I write would benefit from trimming. P3: suddenly it's all in the passive voice. You might change 'presumably' to 'I presume'. Yes, I must pay more attention to detail, although I'm not sure I would have picked up on that det...
by Harbal
Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:15 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: My Ramblings
Replies: 10
Views: 7002

Re: My Ramblings

Thank you, Jules, I'm a bit bowled over by your comments. Now I'm wondering how all the qualities you mention got in there without me noticing. When I posted it I was a bit worried that it might not be up to standard for this site, so it is quite a relief to know you liked it. The next committee mee...
by Harbal
Tue Jul 16, 2019 7:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A log for Bea
Replies: 13
Views: 925

Re: A log for Bea

Your poetry has a charm to it, Leaf, and a warmth. Not quite so much in your sunken cathedral poem, but definitely there in the swan poem, swirls, and now this one. I'm afraid I'm out of step again because I liked your inclusion of Gordon's gin, although where I live the neighbours would more likely...
by Harbal
Mon Jul 15, 2019 6:28 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: My Ramblings
Replies: 10
Views: 7002

Re: My Ramblings

Fiction holds a lot of possibilities. With this particular groundwork, you could go for adventure, crime, horror, mystery, romance, or sci-fi, just off the top of my head. I've implemented your suggestions for improved punctuation, Leaf, and am very grateful. Perhaps I should attend a monthly commi...
by Harbal
Sun Jul 14, 2019 6:46 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: My Ramblings
Replies: 10
Views: 7002

Re: My Ramblings

What sort of feedback are you interested in receiving? Anything you think worthy of mentioning, Leaf, although any tips on punctuation would be greatly appreciated; I get very anxious over my commas and semicolons. I do think what you have here is good groundwork for a piece of fiction That would b...
by Harbal
Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:50 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: My Ramblings
Replies: 10
Views: 7002

My Ramblings

Prompted by the feeling that I needed to get out more, last summer I joined a walking group. My first outing with them was on a Wednesday evening; the walk was a stroll round the town where I live, as it happens. Their main outings are on Sundays; the Wednesday evening ones only take place during th...
by Harbal
Tue Jun 18, 2019 7:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Swirls (version 2)
Replies: 26
Views: 1904

Re: Swirls (version 2)

I've got very mixed feelings about your revision, Leaf. I learned the original Swirls by heart only to find that you have now changed it. :evil:

However, I've decided to forgive you, on account of your introduction of the hedgehog. :)
by Harbal
Mon Jun 17, 2019 5:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Family of Mice
Replies: 11
Views: 882

Re: Family of Mice

David wrote:
Mon Jun 17, 2019 5:00 pm
Well okay. As long as you're sure.
I couldn't help being struck by how unconcerned he was at the suggestion that he might be a troll. :lol: Whether that is an indication of innocence or guilt, I wouldn't know. My instinct would be to give him the benefit of the doubt. :)
by Harbal
Sun Jun 16, 2019 7:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: My nocturnal friend
Replies: 8
Views: 777

Re: My nocturnal friend

David wrote:
Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:54 pm
It may just have been my tin ear playing up.
No, David, it was more likely to have been my metre meter playing up. :)
by Harbal
Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: My nocturnal friend
Replies: 8
Views: 777

Re: My nocturnal friend

David wrote:
Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:39 pm
For what it's worth, Harbal's poem seems to me to be largely - with one or two exceptions - tetrameter, i.e. four beats to a line.
Oh dear, David, it wasn't meant to be. :(
by Harbal
Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: My nocturnal friend
Replies: 8
Views: 777

Re: My nocturnal friend

Leaf wrote:
Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:17 pm
I could offer a few punctuation suggestions, if you'd like me to.
I often wonder what great heights I could have achieved were it not for my punctuation, Leaf. :D

Please, if you think you can do anything with me, I would very much like you to. :(
by Harbal
Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Family of Mice
Replies: 11
Views: 882

Re: Family of Mice

I'm also puzzled towards the end of the poem, when the rats turn into mice :? I would also have been puzzled by that had I not reached my threshold sometime before then. It seems to be taking me longer than most to get a handle on Poet's output, I'm afraid my novice status is proving an obstacle I ...
by Harbal
Sun Jun 16, 2019 9:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Witch’s Secret
Replies: 13
Views: 1544

Re: The Witch’s Secret

Poet wrote:
Sat Jun 15, 2019 6:10 pm
I thought throughout the stanzas you used some amateurish words (which I don't need to point out)
Thank you for not pointing out my amateurish words, Poet, I will extend the same courtesy to you when next I comment on one of your poems.
by Harbal
Sun Jun 16, 2019 9:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: My nocturnal friend
Replies: 8
Views: 777

My nocturnal friend

I have not seen you out for many a night, what happened to you, my nocturnal friend? You used to be a common evening sight, but now those sightings have come to an end. The only time I ever see you now is when behind my steering wheel I’m sat, and you are sprawled out on the road quite flat. I wish ...
by Harbal
Sun Jun 16, 2019 5:29 am
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Breaking News
Replies: 6
Views: 4126

Re: Breaking News

That's a very funny piece of writing, churinga, and very much appealed to my sense of humour. As someone mentioned, it could be polished up a bit, but I don't think it was any less funny for that.
by Harbal
Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: But to me
Replies: 22
Views: 2129

Re: But to me

Thank you for the pleasant thoughts, Leaf, they are my favourite kind.
by Harbal
Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: But to me
Replies: 22
Views: 2129

Re: But to me

I'm not so sure about this one. It appears to be a sonnet but there's no volta that I can see, the end pretty much continues the same thought as the beginning. For it to work I would perhaps suggest the first three quatrains should extol the perceived virtues of the dawn chorus, the Mona Lisa and I...
by Harbal
Thu Jun 13, 2019 4:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swan & The Hawk
Replies: 7
Views: 703

Re: The Swan & The Hawk

I find your poems are making me reassess my concept of what poetry should be, Poet.
by Harbal
Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: But to me
Replies: 22
Views: 2129

Re: But to me

I think this version of the poem flows better, but what do you think, Harbal? :) You've probably noticed that I placed Imagine within single quotation marks. I've done this because I think you're referring to the song, but do correct me if I'm wrong. Of course you could use double quotation marks, ...
by Harbal
Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: But to me
Replies: 22
Views: 2129

Re: But to me

I do apologise, TLF, I completely missed your comments. It seems to me that people are hugely influenced by the prevailing "group-think" opinion on any topic. Yes, that's more or less what I am trying to say. As regards the final couplet - Are we "told to see" or is it more subtle or more insidious ...