My visits here have been intermittent (such is life atm) I have enjoyed posting here for the honest and helpful comments received. I would certainly like to follow you to the new website and I'm glad you are not shutting down completely, like so many other sites I have known.
Eira
Search found 210 matches
- Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:03 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: THE CLOSING & REOPENING OF THIS FORUM
- Replies: 29
- Views: 1682
- Mon Oct 19, 2020 12:12 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Spinoff v3 (Too Soon)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 1554
Re: Spinoff v3 (Too Soon)
I'm back, Not! The last line of this verse seems far too long to fit with other verses, which end on around 7-8 syllables. I can see why you've done this but 12 syllables doesn't seem to fit. Might just be me though! :D And then to delight she pilfered the Plight from the Mouth of the Dastardly Vast...
- Mon Oct 19, 2020 12:00 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Seasonal Adjustment
- Replies: 7
- Views: 686
Re: Seasonal Adjustment
Hedgehogs sleep beneath last season’s rumpled sheets. Like the quaintness of that Eira. buttoned with buds is a lovely phrase. Phrasing such as pillows of hopelessness. and melancholic shadows feel overwritten to me. I draw the drapes across twilight, slump deeper into my pillows Just a thought for...
- Sun Oct 18, 2020 11:52 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Seasonal Adjustment
- Replies: 7
- Views: 686
Re: Seasonal Adjustment
. Hi Eira, always intrigued by your SAD pieces, but I think the swallows (such a clichéof a bird) make this feel a little too predictable, The contrast between N and the hedgehog however (if developed a little) strikes me as much more interesting. Thanks Not, This is an old one which was published ...
- Sun Oct 18, 2020 11:40 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2712
Re: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
. Hi Not Hi Eira, minor nit (L5) shouldn't it be plural? magnolias explode, their petals confetti I've been wondering why that line didn't sound right -changed now! and (L9) is there anything better than 'before'? Could you cut it? Have tried an alternative Still think you could cut S5, then preced...
- Fri Oct 16, 2020 11:29 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Seasonal Adjustment
- Replies: 7
- Views: 686
Seasonal Adjustment
Seasonal Adjustment Swallows surge from wet beds as reeds fade, curling. They congregate restlessly, swing on telegraph wires until flocking in unison to fire-baked skies of Africa. As they dot the horizon melancholic shadows reflect a sapless sun. Daylight dwindles, spills into long sombre nights, ...
- Fri Oct 16, 2020 11:23 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2712
Re: The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)
Hi, I really liked this. Gorgeous assonance. The title and the opening gave me a sense this was going to be a 'charm and alarm' piece. Enjoying an activity you shared with someone who is absent somehow. Or something like that... I felt alientated at the mention of David. It's so personal that you l...
- Fri Oct 16, 2020 11:18 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2712
Re: The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)
. Hi Eira, kind of you not to point out I misspelled bite! Surrendering on those last two verses (I didn't realise David was not a relative), I think this seems very close to the finish line. The new title is much better (though 'Breathless' occurred as an alternative). Hi Not, I also wondered abou...
- Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:55 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Spinoff v3 (Too Soon)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 1554
Re: Spinoff v3 (Too Soon)
This has been a pleasure to read, Not ( but I'll have to return a few times to digest) At first I thought this was a series of limericks, then realised it was written in 6 lines not 5. So your rhyme scheme is aabccb. Is this a recognised form or have you invented it? :D On first read, I'm not too ke...
- Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:37 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Forwarding
- Replies: 7
- Views: 785
Re: Forwarding
Hi Trev,
I do think a new title would draw the reader in. I enjoyed the read, but feel St2 could be trimmed back a bit. 'Frilly criteria doesn't seem to fit together to me either.
Eira
I do think a new title would draw the reader in. I enjoyed the read, but feel St2 could be trimmed back a bit. 'Frilly criteria doesn't seem to fit together to me either.
Eira
- Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:23 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Chrysalis - revised
- Replies: 10
- Views: 908
Re: Chrysalis
A captivating one, Ray - sad.
I agree with Not about ascend, it doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the language somehow.
Not sure about' 'not because their brains fall out', but I suppose you are talking to a child.
Perhaps tumbling is better than somersaulting.
Eira
I agree with Not about ascend, it doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the language somehow.
Not sure about' 'not because their brains fall out', but I suppose you are talking to a child.
Perhaps tumbling is better than somersaulting.
Eira
- Tue Oct 06, 2020 10:05 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Maple
- Replies: 7
- Views: 1627
Re: Maple
Hi Jackie
This is a really beautiful poem - enjoyed the read. I also like Ray's idea of putting the veil first and the shroud last giving a slightly different perspective.
Eira
This is a really beautiful poem - enjoyed the read. I also like Ray's idea of putting the veil first and the shroud last giving a slightly different perspective.
Eira
- Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:58 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1818
- Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:53 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1818
Re: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
Not, I've not given this much thought yet. I think perhaps the second half needs more thought.
Eira

Eira
- Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:49 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1818
Re: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
I remember when you first posted this. I didn't comment on it then because I didn't really understand it. I guess it's a fantasy, but if so, I don't find it very entertaining. If it's an allegory, it doesn't seem to make much of a point. I can see that a child might like the poem, except that it is...
- Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:40 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2712
Re: Dreamscape (new title & revision)
. Hi Eira, definite improvement, except for the final two verses. They offer nothing new: S6/L1-2 is basically a repeat of S1, and S7 of S5. Bit the bullet Eira, cut without mercy! :) Actually the title isn't that great, A Long Yea r? Hi Not, Agree about the title - have made a change. I've deleted...
- Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:12 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Too Soon? (v2b)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 2557
Re: Too Soon? (v2b)
Hi Not, You've just reminded me that Xmas will be here sooner than we realise! :shock: This is a pleasure to read. I like the way the title comes after the beginning stanza - yes that's growing on me. Very original. I like 'Santa chimneying' - nice way of putting it. Altogether a nice light hearted ...
- Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:56 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1818
Re: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
Hi Not & Trevor,
It's such a long time since I posted this one but here is my first revision. Thanks for your very useful suggestions.
Eira
It's such a long time since I posted this one but here is my first revision. Thanks for your very useful suggestions.
Eira
- Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:52 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2712
Re: At a Distance (revision)
. Hi Not, I nearly didn't come back to this - but that's not me! My internet returned as suddenly as it disappeared (not behind the sofa) :shock: So here is my next revision. I have adopted some of your suggestions i Eira. Where did you lose you internet? Have you checked behind the sofa? Still lik...
- Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:26 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1818
The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
The Owl and the Blackbird (revision) I’m just drifting off when he stirs. It’s barely light but up he hops, clears his throat ready to warble - Blackbird singin’ in the dead of night I cringe, pull the duvet over my head, hear him scratching, scuttling about, then peep out, see him strut around cres...
- Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:14 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2712
Re: At a Distance (revision)
Thanks Trevor,
Sorry I'm late answering but my internet is off - have to rely on my son's computer when he's not using it. Doesn't add to my inspiration.
Eira
Sorry I'm late answering but my internet is off - have to rely on my son's computer when he's not using it. Doesn't add to my inspiration.
Eira
- Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:11 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Breathless (new title & revision 5)
- Replies: 15
- Views: 2712
Re: At a Distance
. Hi Eira, feels like two separate pieces to me (S1-3 and S4-7) that haven't come together successfully ... yet. Glad you said 'yet :) ' I like the fiery 'ablaze' but then there's the damp squib of 'blossomed' (couldn't April be doing something equally incendiary to the trees?) and 'confetti' doesn...
- Wed Jun 17, 2020 9:07 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Carolinas Arms
- Replies: 15
- Views: 1052
Re: The Carolinas Arms
. I think I'll go with The Knight & Drey (as per mac and Eira,) though following the thread of Knights led to The Tilted Windmill (which has a certain appeal) ... dithering. . Mmmm…… I see why you're dithering. While I like The Knight and Drey, The Tilted Windmill does have a certain appeal. Differ...
- Sat Jun 13, 2020 9:50 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Carolinas Arms
- Replies: 15
- Views: 1052
Re: The Carolinas Arms
The Knight and Drey rolls off the tongue better than The Dray and Knights
Eira
Eira
- Thu Jun 11, 2020 9:34 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Carolinas Arms
- Replies: 15
- Views: 1052
Re: The Carolinas Arms
I can see the pub, Not, thanks to your excellent description, A well written poem - I cannot make any suggestions on first read. I sympathise with the squirrel problem as we share this
but it became almost insignificant when rattus himself joined the feast!! (long story)
Eira

Eira