Search found 209 matches

by Poet
Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Drink
Replies: 3
Views: 475

Re: Drink

I hate to see poems go by without an answer, so I'm posting a comment here. My problem is that I don't really understand the poem. I think I know what you're trying to do in the poem, but I can't really relate to it since I am not Catholic and have no feelings about holy water. If you would explain...
by Poet
Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Drink
Replies: 3
Views: 475

Drink

Take the holy water and drink it from it’s cup, Take the holy water and shower inside the house. Where there is a god, I do not know, Where there is a god, I dare not know, Take the holy water and dance with it’s power; Take the holy water and share with others. Do you dare use it’s magical ability?...
by Poet
Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 439

Re: The Swell Mob

Thanks, fellas. Actually, I think I need another stanza which would be about The Swell Mob. I agree about the title but I love the name and there was such a band. Paul Weller created The Style Council after The Jam. Not dissimilar. It's a true-ish story. The Blondie incident is true, apart from the...
by Poet
Thu Mar 05, 2020 2:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)
Replies: 11
Views: 968

Re: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)

Revision Frightening to think of the miles of mines beneath our feet, its worked out seams emptied of coal, the lights turned out for good, with dark that haunts our dreams. Those cracks in the walls above the lintels; or how the ball rolls one way on the table shows that we are not level, that som...
by Poet
Sat Feb 29, 2020 4:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sno-Cone (v2)
Replies: 13
Views: 744

Re: Sno-Cone

. Sno-Cone You ask what I remember, and the truth is it isn't you, but the blank eye of a fish sucked clear of colour and set down with a click, like plastic, on the rim of a bowl. Rasping the moon-round cusp of a sno-cone, the syrup bright and arterial. Cold-bruised lips, a mouth happily numbed by...
by Poet
Wed Feb 26, 2020 6:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gather Around Writers & Novelists
Replies: 8
Views: 754

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

. Hi Poet. It was supposed to be a heroic poem, about banding together and writing something that will change the world. Much like superheroes, a concept i had while listening to a kpop song Nothing wrong with the concept. Kpop on the other hand ... :) But you still haven't answered the 'why'. Why ...
by Poet
Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gather Around Writers & Novelists
Replies: 8
Views: 754

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

. Hi poet. I rather agree with Eira about the numbers and the trimming. I'd also like the reason to 'gather round' be offered at the outset, to forestall the inevitable 'why (should I bother)?' The piece, to me, is confusing and doesn't seem certain of its own purpose. For instance, in 1. it moves ...
by Poet
Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thunderhouse (Re-Write)
Replies: 1
Views: 242

Re: Thunderhouse (Re-Write)

Any thoughts?
by Poet
Tue Feb 25, 2020 12:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 937

Re: Brood Parasites

Brood Parasites In meadow grass, a robin serenades on ivied stones. Beside this stage his hen investigates some boulders, then invades a crevice, moulding lichen for a den to lay her brood. Nearby a cuckoo’s call evokes the bubbling chuckles of his mate, who spies the nest ensconced within the wall...
by Poet
Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gather Around Writers & Novelists
Replies: 8
Views: 754

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

capricorn wrote:
Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:53 pm
Hi Poet,

I think this needs a lot of trimming back to hold the readers interest. I also find the numbering of stanzas rather distracting. Hope this helps.

Eira
How much trimming?
by Poet
Sun Feb 23, 2020 6:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thunderhouse (Re-Write)
Replies: 1
Views: 242

Thunderhouse (Re-Write)

There was sound playing at the Thunder House where the Treble Kids played was the Thunder House Not the garage but out of this world, outer space themed shapes and thunder strikes Nothing could really outshine this moment other than the sound of electric guitars riffing through the air And the sound...
by Poet
Sun Feb 23, 2020 1:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stories from the Book of Sunset
Replies: 1
Views: 239

Re: Stories from the Book of Sunset

Wow! This was a unique poem, about meditation and stances. Wow I'm impressed.
by Poet
Fri Feb 21, 2020 9:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: At The Thunder House
Replies: 3
Views: 299

Re: At The Thunder House

. Hi Poet, I think your layout is working against you, there should be rhythm and movement (given the subject) but it all feels very static. Is 'the house' the same as 'the Thunder House'? I couldn't tell. If drums drum and singers sing, then really guitars should guitar and the bass bass :) Just a...
by Poet
Fri Feb 21, 2020 5:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Psychodrama
Replies: 7
Views: 574

Re: Psychodrama

Her last performance was Greta Garbo: off camera, incommunicado; acting with cowardice or bravado to silence the hiss of the Thought Gestapo. Exhausted by the demand to pretend and cover the cuts that make-up won’t mend. How like her to buck an established trend and exit the stage on a masculine en...
by Poet
Thu Feb 20, 2020 7:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: At The Thunder House
Replies: 3
Views: 299

At The Thunder House

There was sound being played at the Thunder House Guitars guitar, drums drumming, singers singing, the bass bass! There was sound being played at the Thunder house It never seemed to end The playing continued on in the house, the smell of burning rubber filled their noses, the house was struck with ...
by Poet
Thu Feb 20, 2020 3:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Play-Worker
Replies: 7
Views: 702

Re: Play-Worker

Ok I am starting to get what this poem is about, cool and clever dude.
by Poet
Wed Feb 12, 2020 4:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: All the Little Coasts of America (Revision)
Replies: 16
Views: 1142

Re: All the Little Coasts of America (Revision)

- did everyone realise the inkblot image is the Americas mirrored horizontally and vertically?
I just realized that aswell.
by Poet
Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I grew up on this little island (revised)
Replies: 6
Views: 666

Re: I grew up on this little island (revised)

Revised version It rains almost every day— umbrellas unfurl like mushrooms dancing around puddles on human legs; ravens wear raindrops like pearl buttons stitched to feather overcoats. No one complains about the weather, but a rise in the price of postage stamps will start a riot. Newcomers are war...
by Poet
Tue Feb 11, 2020 9:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Crane Dancing
Replies: 8
Views: 547

Re: Crane Dancing

I find this poem to be exquisite because it had the qualities of a great poem, I'm being biased but I thought the poem itself was amazing and had a lot of depth to it (well maybe a little) but I thought it was beautiful cause of the imagery you used to create a dance of itself. Anyway thanks for sha...
by Poet
Tue Feb 11, 2020 4:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Waiting for Time (new version)
Replies: 7
Views: 510

Re: Waiting for Time (new version)

Perry wrote:
Tue Feb 11, 2020 12:22 am
Thank you, Poet.

It turns out my final line had a typo in it, which I have fixed. However, you seem to be saying that you'd like the final line dropped altogether.

Thanks for having a look.
Oh well ignore that post, I just wanted you to get rid of that typo that's all.
by Poet
Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Waiting for Time (new version)
Replies: 7
Views: 510

Re: Waiting for Time (new version)

There they are, still young, the entertainers who defined my age, who kindly shared their lives with me, still acting happy in re-runs on my old TV. I see their faces, hear their witty repartee, hear their plaintive songs that spoke of love or love escaping. Some of them are gone, others hidden in ...
by Poet
Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tomorrow
Replies: 8
Views: 606

Re: Tomorrow

oggiesnr wrote:
Mon Feb 03, 2020 10:06 pm
Poet wrote:
Sun Feb 02, 2020 11:19 pm
DPC?
Should be DHL but it was a flash poem and I had a "senior" moment. Will amend in the rewrite,

Many thanks

Steve
What's DHL? Does it stand for something?
by Poet
Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Play-Worker
Replies: 7
Views: 702

Re: Play Worker

What is this poem about?
by Poet
Mon Feb 03, 2020 6:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gather Around Writers & Novelists
Replies: 8
Views: 754

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Any thoughts?
by Poet
Mon Feb 03, 2020 6:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Out Of My League - revision
Replies: 9
Views: 860

Re: Out Of My League - revision

I don't get "into the drop of conferences", what does that mean?