Search found 5973 matches

by ray miller
Tue Mar 10, 2020 10:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 508

The Swell Mob

After Mothers had closed their doors you’d find Brum’s discerning music fans in Barbarella’s. You’d also find Tall Paul, 6 foot daft with a habit of walking on the tops of cars when making his way home while attempting to play the mouth-organ. He was there every Thursday and Friday night, pogoing th...
by ray miller
Sun Mar 08, 2020 11:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 1985 - version 2
Replies: 8
Views: 663

Re: 1985 - version 2

Thanks, fellas. I think it's a good poem. Wouldn't want to change much else. David - By 1985 I was living in Wiltshire. Enoch Powell was originally an MP in Wolverhampton. At some point he became an MP in Northern Ireland, I think. So not local to me. As for the Olgas line, the gist is that many Eas...
by ray miller
Fri Mar 06, 2020 2:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Search (some improvements)
Replies: 10
Views: 942

Re: The Search

Very good, especially the ending - and I haven't felt that about many of yours. We got two kittens last year, one of them used to burrow itself in the crook of my elbow, looking for a nipple. It stopped doing this after a few months. Yours really went on for twelve years? Were her searches only noct...
by ray miller
Fri Mar 06, 2020 1:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 1985 - version 2
Replies: 8
Views: 663

Re: 1985 - version 2

Thanks for the comments. I've made amendments. Before Enoch Powell made his Rivers of Blood speech he was renowned for his Water towers speech which augured the closure of asylums and Care in the Community. "Brooded with such immense solidity" and "expressing the notions of the day" are excerpts fro...
by ray miller
Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A skunk (v2)
Replies: 9
Views: 702

Re: A skunk (v2)

Hello k-j. Long time and all that.
I'd suggest "We reeled rudely".
I don't really get the final stanza and the start of the previous stanza would make more sense as

It wasn't the quietude you instilled
that drew the four of us
together for a sec,
by ray miller
Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)
Replies: 11
Views: 1049

Re: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)

My twopennorth - Frightening to think of the miles of mines beneath our feet, its worked out seams emptied of coal, the silence that gives way to the occasional crack of wall or beams. I don't like "that something must be done" . I was wondering about something like " that the pitch should be more e...
by ray miller
Wed Mar 04, 2020 4:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sno-Cone (v2)
Replies: 13
Views: 838

Re: Sno-Cone (v2)

I think it's very good. Maybe What I remember isn't you, but the eye of a fish

that disappointment of meltwater and dull ice. - that's a lovely line, I like grown silent as a photograph, too

The ending is a bit too mysterious
by ray miller
Wed Mar 04, 2020 4:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Contagion (V7)
Replies: 16
Views: 899

Re: Contagion (Or maybe a better title is ‘A Pandemic’?)

I think you should go for That throughout, That Room, That Hotel, That Student... Around the world, foreigners from That Country - foreigners is almost tautologous, I think people would be better. As for the ending I'd go with something like And so people began to wear masks to avoid being identified.
by ray miller
Wed Mar 04, 2020 4:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 1985 - version 2
Replies: 8
Views: 663

1985 - version 2

It was the year our eldest was expected and emerged on a late August morning to the cursing of her mother and the miners being kicked out of their pits. Everyone must take their turn to be the enemy within. The water towers which had brooded with such immense solidity, for a century and more, were s...
by ray miller
Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Bath Water
Replies: 8
Views: 596

Re: The Bath Water

Thanks, mac. I'm wondering if just removing the 2nd couplet might improve it. Mostly because I'm a lazy bastard.
by ray miller
Thu Feb 27, 2020 9:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Bath Water
Replies: 8
Views: 596

Re: The Bath Water

Thanks, Tristan. I didn't pass Metaphysics O Level and I ain't improved, I suppose. What's narrow is the bath itself and the more confined the space a body of water inhabits, the deeper it appears. The faint shadow is meant to be our impact upon the world. The ending is best, yeah, and you may well ...
by ray miller
Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Bath Water
Replies: 8
Views: 596

The Bath Water

Revision Here below it is narrow, but the world remains shallow; an occasional trickle has no time to settle. Too briefly we wallow and splash a faint shadow that fashions a tableau we cannot quite swallow in which God and the Devil by turns pull and tug: a perpetual struggle for control of the plug...
by ray miller
Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Liberty Taking II (revised agan)
Replies: 7
Views: 558

Re: Liberty Taking II (revised)

Very nice. Live Merchandise is better, I think. ripened instead of ripe now? Where they lay hand in hand, oblivious, as prey to the journey old Turkey had planned. Took me a while to see prey was rhyming with lay. I'd suggest Hand in hand they both lay, oblivious, as prey I'm never sure hw to pronou...
by ray miller
Wed Feb 26, 2020 2:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Fencers (revision2)
Replies: 11
Views: 931

Re: Tools

His habits build fences... would sound smoother to me. I was wondering how a rhythm might be plugged or unplugged. It took me a while to realise you meant the non-electric variety. Ideally, you'd want that unplugged line to follow the things electric line. I can't connect the final line to the rest ...
by ray miller
Mon Feb 24, 2020 9:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Psychodrama
Replies: 7
Views: 657

Re: Psychodrama

Thanks all. It's not about Caroline Flack, whose existence I was unaware of until it was no longer there. It's about someone I knew when I was a Mental Health Nurse who ended her life by hanging, a fashion that's generally regarded as a male province. Women are said to favour the "softer options" li...
by ray miller
Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:58 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Runcible Spoon
Replies: 4
Views: 895

Re: Runcible Spoon

Thanks, Tristan. Leeds is a bit far for me.
by ray miller
Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:57 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Runcible Spoon
Replies: 4
Views: 619

Re: Runcible Spoon

Well done. Hoeing the soil with a shoplifter's intent. I shall remember that.
by ray miller
Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Psychodrama
Replies: 7
Views: 657

Psychodrama

Her last performance was Greta Garbo: off camera, incommunicado; acting with cowardice or bravado to silence the hiss of the Thought Gestapo. Exhausted by the demand to pretend and cover the cuts that make-up won’t mend. How like her to buck an established trend and exit the stage on a masculine end.
by ray miller
Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit4)
Replies: 9
Views: 640

Re: Mnemonical Ali

Marvellous. If I had a hat on I'd take it off. . Mnemonical Ali (title suggestions welcome). There once was a girl called Mnemonical Ali - Melanie would be a better rhyme with memory. who was famed for such fiendish feats of memory as mastering the names of Vivianne Miedema, - as mastering names lik...
by ray miller
Sun Feb 09, 2020 11:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Waiting for Time (new version)
Replies: 7
Views: 578

Re: Waiting for Time (new version)

I like the first two verses very much, "visible if not vital" is a fine phrase. You ought perhaps avoid the use of "still" three times in the first ten lines. I think it is technology that makes our lives so strange, or perhaps it is time, for here I am, The poem changes tack here and the technology...
by ray miller
Sun Feb 09, 2020 11:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Genetics
Replies: 8
Views: 580

Re: Genetics

Thanks for all the comments. Poetically, it's piss-poor and I'm not sure I can change that much. The gist is that the professional therapists speak as one in asserting that childhood traumas, and the emotions generated, should be discussed, should be out in the open. We've never had The Big Conversa...
by ray miller
Sun Feb 09, 2020 10:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not to a Mouse [revision 3]
Replies: 12
Views: 755

Re: Not to a Mouse (Written for Burns Night) [revised]

Enjoyed a lot. Love bijou/shrew and nature/ chamber is my kind of rhyme. Is there a difference between frae and fae?
Maybe "but mair like a mole...."?
by ray miller
Wed Feb 05, 2020 9:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Genetics
Replies: 8
Views: 580

Genetics

I always imagined that coming of age she’d want to know more about her birth parents and we’d end up unearthing the newspaper cutting that lies at the bottom of a box in our bedroom that tells how her father came armed with a pistol to the Social Services Reception window threatening to murder the m...
by ray miller
Mon Feb 03, 2020 10:31 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Snakeskin x 2
Replies: 3
Views: 366

Re: Snakeskin x 2

Well done, Tristan.
by ray miller
Mon Feb 03, 2020 10:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tomorrow
Replies: 8
Views: 694

Re: Tomorrow

Hello oggiesnr. Been so long I can't remember your name. If I ever did know it. Last two lines you don't need, you've already shown nobody cares. " a few flowers....flowery condolences" is a bit lazy. How about "Facebook announcement/ Nobody liked"? Rest is fine, I think.