Search found 474 matches

by David2
Wed Mar 06, 2013 6:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Home (revision2)
Replies: 4
Views: 444

Re: Home

I think it's a bit insubstantial, mac. It might become the start of an interesting poem, but this single verse is not one in itself - for me, at least. An intriguing premise, though. There's also a fairly fatal mismatch between the jauntiness of the form and the sombre content. So, for those reasons...
by David2
Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The amorous musician
Replies: 18
Views: 1610

Re: The amorous musician

Thanks, Caleb. A glissando is a glide or - even better, in this context - a slide. "A rapid slide through a series of consecutive tones in a scalelike passage." And Mr. Worldly-Wiseman is a character in Pilgrim's Progress , so I was able to smuggle a bit of Puritan disapproval in there as well. Chee...
by David2
Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Kafka's sisters
Replies: 7
Views: 640

Re: Kafka's sisters

Ah, the ekphrasis. Yes. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5f/Kafka-sisters.jpg I hadn't thought that it was too adjective-heavy, but it certainly looks as though it reads that way. Thumbs down on metastasize too, eh? Yes, Ray, Kafka was in goal. I reckon he'd be perfect for Arsenal. Al...
by David2
Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:28 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: The Interpreter's House1
Replies: 8
Views: 899

Re: The Interpreter's House1

Very good, Seth. Well done. I don't think I've seen this one before. (The mag, not the poem - the poem I like.)
by David2
Sat Mar 02, 2013 12:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The amorous musician
Replies: 18
Views: 1610

Re: The amorous musician

Unlike Elph, I wasn't fooled by the new moniker. The style was the giveaway. Yes, I was surprised by Elph's remark. I thought it sounded like me! For better or for worse. I like the form - is it a traditional form? Or something of your own devising? Michaela, I've been reading some David Harsent la...
by David2
Thu Feb 28, 2013 10:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Content
Replies: 14
Views: 1030

Re: Content

Arian wrote:
David2 wrote:Well, I rather like it.
Really? Gosh.
I do. I cannot tell a lie.
Arian wrote:Have we got too many Davids? I'm confused. Perhaps we should all be called Bruce.
Are we not men? We are Davo.
by David2
Thu Feb 28, 2013 7:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Kafka's sisters
Replies: 7
Views: 640

Kafka's sisters

Elli (1941), Valli (1942), Ottla (1943): three pretty little girls in matching dresses, two clutching their decorative posies in dainty hands, their hair brushed out and down. Each gazes into a middle distance in which not even Ottla, his favourite, can yet make out the murderous transactions to fol...
by David2
Thu Feb 28, 2013 7:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Content
Replies: 14
Views: 1030

Re: Content

Well, I rather like it. It's so skilfully done that it skips along. The moon belongs to everyone, eh?

Cheers

David
by David2
Thu Feb 28, 2013 7:24 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: London Grip1
Replies: 5
Views: 956

Re: London Grip1

That sounds - and looks - very good. Well done, Sethster.
by David2
Mon Feb 25, 2013 7:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Snapshot
Replies: 18
Views: 1631

Re: Snapshot

Very nice, but I think I'd prefer it without the "click" - it just seems to telegraph the ending too much. I'd stop at that last "and" ...

Cheers

David
by David2
Mon Feb 25, 2013 7:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Folk Music - revised
Replies: 17
Views: 1014

Re: Folk Music

But if David doesn't get it all then I'm in trouble. Ha! I'm flattered (but probably wrongly). Of course I can see it's about Bob and Joan, but I must admit I got carried away by the rhythm of that famous song. I do like it a lot - "orange" seems very clever for at least two reasons - but I still t...
by David2
Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:44 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: tree wars
Replies: 19
Views: 1402

Re: tree wars

by David2
Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:29 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: tree wars
Replies: 19
Views: 1402

Re: tree wars

Ros wrote:They're calling us tweedy. Something should be done.
Well, not "they", exactly. That was Kris. I still think of Kris as "us", which makes it all the more worrying.
by David2
Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:26 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: tree wars
Replies: 19
Views: 1402

Re: tree wars

Antcliff wrote:I wouldn't want this place to be quite like PC, but a bit of mucking about in the workshop is a good thing.
This is an interesting thought. Are we, in fact, too serious? Should we be mucking about more?

I've always thought of myself as basically pretty frivolous. Alarming to think I may not be.
by David2
Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Isle of Axholme Once
Replies: 6
Views: 497

Re: Isle of Axholme Once

I was quite taken by the original, Seth - I like that sense of unworthiness in the presence of illustrious (and rather scary) ancestors, but I think Jane's adaptation turbocharges it. I'd be sorry to see you bin this. Great sense of creeping local unease.

Cheers

David
by David2
Sun Feb 24, 2013 6:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Folk Music - revised
Replies: 17
Views: 1014

Re: Folk Music

Brilliant, Ray, but what happens in the last three lines? You shatter that air of hushed reverence / incantation that I was really enjoying (in a wicked way). It must be intentional, and quite clever, but I don't think I know enough about Len to understand it. Up to that puzzling point, however, ter...
by David2
Sun Feb 24, 2013 12:16 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: A fond farewell
Replies: 15
Views: 3057

Re: A fond farewell

Mic wrote:See you on facial book still, I hope, Kris.
Aye. I'll be there too. I'll miss you here, though. You never wrote as many poems as you should have done.
by David2
Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Old Stick
Replies: 9
Views: 749

Re: The Old Stick

I like the sentiment, and a lot of the lines, but - call me a grumpy minority (or worse, if you like) - I don't think it flows very well. If you were going to perform this, maybe you'd be able to make it work, but you'd have a lot of work to do. It just seems to limp and stumble more than your poems...
by David2
Thu Feb 21, 2013 6:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Miss Cuff’s Complaint
Replies: 14
Views: 1046

Re: Miss Cuff’s Complaint

Strangely enough, on reading the revision I find myself objecting to one of the unrevised lines - as she declaims her querulous diatribe against men ... that's just a little too rich, isn't it? You might get away with any two out of declaims, querulous and diatribe, but all three make the line that ...
by David2
Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The amorous musician
Replies: 18
Views: 1610

Re: The amorous musician

Hurrah! I'm glad you all liked it. (I tried looking up "Backdoor Man" in an English-Italian online dictionary, but possibly something was being lost - or added! - in the translation). That sounds distinctly alarming. What's with the alter ego, bro? It's a purely numerical thing. With the 10k looming...
by David2
Tue Feb 19, 2013 9:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Me Dad's Adventures
Replies: 1
Views: 281

Re: Me Dad's Adventures

How much easier life would be if there was just a simple "Like" button here. Oh, there is!

I like this.
by David2
Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The amorous musician
Replies: 18
Views: 1610

The amorous musician

LINES 9 AND 13 LIGHTLY TWEAKED After that hasty exit in the landau - the unexpected voices in the hall, the knotted sheets, the Gräfin at the window - I said Auf Wiedersehen to snowy Lindau, now grown too warm, despite the chilly nights, for that was not my first enforced glissando. So, whistling a ...
by David2
Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Is it only three glances?
Replies: 8
Views: 708

Re: Is it only three glances?

I wondered whether there was an evil eye / second sight element to this? Intriguing enough as it is, though.

Cheers

David
by David2
Sun Feb 17, 2013 7:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Karlheinz
Replies: 7
Views: 604

Re: Karlheinz

dedalus wrote:How did you get umlauts on your computer?
I just copy and paste!