Search found 474 matches

by David2
Fri Nov 01, 2013 8:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Our old alderman
Replies: 12
Views: 825

Re: Our old alderman

I'm somewhat thrown by the surreal idea of an old dignitary in swimming trunks scrambling onto a rock being compared to a (wet?) cat climbing up onto a chair. Ah, it's that air of barely maintained dignity I was after, Geoff. Elph, I'm glad you spotted the cheeky ending. I wanted to drift towards t...
by David2
Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:17 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: No Lou Reed posts
Replies: 5
Views: 2308

Re: No Lou Reed posts

To be fair, a lot of this sort of interaction has been diverted onto Facebook, sadly. I mean, I like it there, but it's one of the things that make this place a bit quieter than it used to be.

And, re Lou, I never really got into him.
by David2
Thu Oct 31, 2013 6:08 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Coach trip
Replies: 5
Views: 2017

Re: Coach trip

Hi Luke. Welcome aboard!
by David2
Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street
Replies: 29
Views: 1821

Re: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street

A little belatedly, thanks, commenteers. Perhaps Caliban is a little strong, but there is something in the nobles' attitude to Caliban on the island that is relevant, I think. If I keep it, Richard might be right about not using it as the title. catered for / catered to - I'm never sure! I might try...
by David2
Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:17 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Coach trip
Replies: 5
Views: 2017

Coach trip

Where have all these new people come from? Is it a coach party? Good to see you, of course, but we haven't been introduced ...
by David2
Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coffee black, a cinnamon twist- Edit 3
Replies: 15
Views: 1255

Re: Coffee black, a cinnamon twist

It is way too long, I agree, but there's a lot of good stuff in here. Two good poems, I would say, if you could just isolate them from the rest.

Happy PG birthday, Suzanne!

Cheers

David
by David2
Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Our old alderman
Replies: 12
Views: 825

Re: Our old alderman

A cat, yes. Thanks, all. Mrs D had her at the vet today, and returned to tell me that she (the cat, of course) has arthritic knees. So now I feel bad.

The line breaks are supposed to be driven by the metre. Supposed, I say.

Cheers all

David
by David2
Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: Rowan Tree -by Marina Tsvetaeva
Replies: 12
Views: 6957

Re: Rowan Tree -by Marina Tsvetaeva

I've just read some of her biography, about which I knew nothing. Very sad.

As to this - your translation, or someone else's? - I have to say that, if I first encountered it as an English poem, I'd think it wasn't very good. The dangers of translation, eh? I'm assuming the original is very good.
by David2
Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Our old alderman
Replies: 12
Views: 825

Our old alderman

It's not so much a leap; more an awkward scramble onto the arm of the chair with the ruffled dignity of an alderman climbing, in dripping trunks, onto a slippery rock and there, with willed urbanity, taking up again a serious conversation that had been interrupted. Now, what was it you were saying? ...
by David2
Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: New mod!
Replies: 4
Views: 325

Re: New mod!

Welcome, Monty!
by David2
Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bedtime
Replies: 12
Views: 764

Re: Bedtime

Ah. I get this now. I didn't before. On that basis, I think somewhere between the first two version you have it right. The second rewrite is a false step.

That's how I see it, anyway.

Cheers

David
by David2
Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: He knew the score
Replies: 13
Views: 831

Re: He knew the score

I think this is excellent, Ray. Very affecting. I especially like the combination of deep feeling with that dressing room "big boys don't cry" sort of stoicism.

Cheers

David
by David2
Fri Oct 25, 2013 6:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street
Replies: 29
Views: 1821

Re: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street

I think k'js right: these are two different poems. And, like him, I prefer the newer one. It is far better. So I've had another go at it. More for myself than anyone else. (Apart from my dad, of course.) Fortunately. On a couple of points ... I'm not calling him a Caliban. And I'm very happy with "s...
by David2
Fri Oct 25, 2013 5:24 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: T S Eliot prize shortlist
Replies: 8
Views: 906

Re: T S Eliot prize shortlist

I haven't read any of these. On the other hand, at the moment I am reading Louis MacNeice, Les Murray and Ben Jonson. I'm doing it wrong, aren't I? (Actually, I'm not sure I am.)

My reading at least enables me to point out that Dannie Abse's appears to be a nice updating of John Skelton.
by David2
Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:48 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: The last St Kildan dies
Replies: 4
Views: 670

Re: The last St Kildan dies

Read and enjoyed this, Seth. (As you know.)
by David2
Fri Oct 25, 2013 8:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Downwind
Replies: 5
Views: 574

Re: Downwind

I agree with Ben that there's a bit too much unedited traveller's log in the middle. If you took the first verse and the last six lines, and pruned what's in between them severely, I think it would be rather good.

Cheers

David
by David2
Fri Oct 25, 2013 8:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still at the Pier
Replies: 12
Views: 700

Re: Still at the Pier

This is the sort of poem that I think should rhyme. Go on. I dare you. (And I can't imagine using "getting bent" except, in extremis, as a rhyme for something else.) I like the songs too, although the use of "arrival" as a verb, then splitting it for the line break as well, is super-daring. I quite ...
by David2
Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:47 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Orbis1
Replies: 8
Views: 710

Re: Orbis1

I reckon orbissed is cockney rhyming slang.

But well done again.
by David2
Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Hares At Dawn
Replies: 18
Views: 1545

Re: Hares At Dawn

Just glancing at the title again, it sounds like a very unusual duel.
by David2
Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On the misprizing of sons
Replies: 8
Views: 664

Re: On the misprizing of sons

ray miller wrote:I had a similar-ish moment of guilt a while back when I realised I'd written poems about my wife, 5 daughters, 2 foster children and a dog, but not one about my son.
Exactly!
by David2
Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Day He Falls In Love With You
Replies: 6
Views: 524

Re: The Day He Falls In Love With You

David, this sounds so real, or maybe I just can't imagine why you'd invent this situation. I like it. It's intriguing. I feel as though I've somehow fallen into some sort of sequel to Abigail's Party.

And you can't beat a poem that finishes in Vladivostok.

Cheers

David
by David2
Wed Oct 23, 2013 5:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street
Replies: 29
Views: 1821

Re: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street

Thanks, all. There seems to have been an alarming lapse of quality control on my part. I'll leave this to settle for a while.
by David2
Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street
Replies: 29
Views: 1821

Re: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street

Isn't that interesting, eh? This was an overnight revision, and this morning I was really sure I'd nailed it. Looks like I was wrong. Can't argue with vox populi!
by David2
Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street
Replies: 29
Views: 1821

Re: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street

Thanks, Peter. I've had another go. I think I'm getting closer.

Cheers

David
by David2
Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retitled: Caliban on Oxford Street
Replies: 29
Views: 1821

Re: A weekend in London, 1972

Thanks, all. Some very good advice there. I'll put it up on blocks, and hope to return with this all new and improved before too long.

Cheers

David