Search found 1159 matches

by Jackie
Sat Mar 24, 2018 10:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Task Done
Replies: 9
Views: 1606

Re: A Task Done

Thank you very much for stopping by to think about this, all of you. It helps a lot to know that you liked the details, TS; and to learn the specific things that worked for you, David (and that you were even absorbed!); and Silent Lotus, that reading it brought painting to mind. And that you liked t...
by Jackie
Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Task Done
Replies: 9
Views: 1606

Re: A Task Done

Thank you Mac, Paul and FireBird,
I appreciate your reading and studying this! From my POV it was about dreading planting seeds in icy ground for someone who wanted it done, but in the end enjoying all the sensations.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Mar 18, 2018 7:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Task Done
Replies: 9
Views: 1606

A Task Done

They say larkspur seeds like the cold, but weeks pass till one March sun my gloves, my cracked cream-leather shoes, the plan and I make our way to the shed. Up on the rise the compost soil from last fall is still loose and I dust bits onto my seeds and sort the blend, eight muffins on a plate. Eight...
by Jackie
Sat Mar 17, 2018 9:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Voting for Change
Replies: 16
Views: 1803

Re: Voting for Change

This is a very pithy explanation, Tristan, so I want to call it a poem, but I have trouble applying anything but the term "prose" to until whose hands we were in was difficult to say: the terrorists happy to take responsibility for anything which some perceived as bad; or a government happy to avoid...
by Jackie
Sat Mar 17, 2018 12:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I do the dishes.
Replies: 18
Views: 2368

Re: I do the dishes.

Love it, how you cut out or dismiss every source of distraction or noise or tension, only to seek out a tune in the birdsong and do the dishes in your head. Perfect title.

Nice to meet you here.
Jackie
by Jackie
Mon Mar 12, 2018 8:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The ticks of time
Replies: 5
Views: 1182

Re: The ticks of time

Ciaran,

You have some very intriguing images here. You might select a few and try working each into a poem, seeing which takes you farthest. To pick one,
Don't look back on a life spent looking forward.
might present good possibilities. What does that look like to a passerby?

Jackie
by Jackie
Tue Feb 27, 2018 12:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Cross Words (revision4)
Replies: 15
Views: 2218

Re: Crosswords (revision)

Or how about this, Mac?

This is Lady MacBeth, for whom life is SO incomplete. They've had cross words. He wanted to turn the boat around but she finally got him out of his chair and off to the task before he could finalize his retreat by filling in the blanks.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Feb 25, 2018 10:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Cross Words (revision4)
Replies: 15
Views: 2218

Re: Crosswords

Mac, I had to google this one, for sure. From "The Lost Art of Kedging" at sailmagazine.com, I got the idea that you don't kedge unless you're in a pinch, and when you do, it's more the length of the rope than the weight of the anchor that counts. So I'm thinking that he's coming back, either from s...
by Jackie
Tue Feb 20, 2018 11:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perennial
Replies: 9
Views: 1671

Re: Perennial

Thanks, FT. I look forward to trying out these ideas to see what happens. I never seem to stop revising!

Jackie
by Jackie
Thu Feb 15, 2018 12:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Child in our Corner
Replies: 10
Views: 1976

Re: The Child in our Corner

FT, just an opinion, for what it's worth. This could be more powerful if you personalized it; if you wrote about the vision/the moment one particular child inspired you. Your title with the definitive words "the" and "our" give me hope of seeing that child, but then you change it to "a child." By th...
by Jackie
Thu Feb 15, 2018 1:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perennial
Replies: 9
Views: 1671

Re: Perennial

Thank you, Seth! I've missed you all.
by Jackie
Sun Feb 11, 2018 12:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Seal Interlude
Replies: 7
Views: 1585

Re: Seal Interlude

I agree with David's Is "a desolate departure from desolation" overdoing the d's? It seems to break the tone of the poem a bit. See also "conceal the congealed". You'll be beginning the beguine next. (Never a bad thing to do.) "Your artless recognition of magpies" is excellent, as is the "LAND AHOY"...
by Jackie
Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perennial
Replies: 9
Views: 1671

Re: Perennial

Ray and Mac, I'm using coined to mean counterfeited. (Surely I'm not making that meaning up?) Yes, still should go, Mac, thanks. I'm seeing snow as flakes that drop large and slow enough to count--something that leaves lasting structures behind--and rain that flees leaving nothing but wetness as evi...
by Jackie
Sat Feb 10, 2018 9:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Counting The Cracks (revision2)
Replies: 16
Views: 2320

Re: Counting The Cracks (revised)

Mac, I very much like the revised version, but would agree with Tristan (at least I do if he was looking at the second version, too) that L2 works better without the "is." It does when I read it, anyway.

Jackie
by Jackie
Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Counting The Cracks (revision2)
Replies: 16
Views: 2320

Re: Counting The Cracks

Mac, it's weird that I read this just after being given an article that described a study of how mud cracks of different patterns form. I like how your title both gives context (it attracted me, anyway!) and serves as the first line. Unless you meant to write "fight a sunset" or put a full stop afte...
by Jackie
Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perennial
Replies: 9
Views: 1671

Re: Perennial

Very much appreciated, David. Thanks for reading this.

I posted a revision.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perennial
Replies: 9
Views: 1671

Perennial

Version 2 Why wouldn't I come to check snow still falls countable, even to five, and structures as it lands? Why wouldn't I come to see a leaf snagged yet still crisp in arctic winds, so long fallen from the oak? From where purple trumpets root should their arms but touch the soil; where rubbery lea...
by Jackie
Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: blah
Replies: 11
Views: 1991

Re: Lady Marguerite Gautier (La Dame aux Camellias)

I made some changes
It helps if you post a separate revision when you edit. When I go back to look at the changes now, I can't remember how it was before (I know, short memory!).

Jackie
by Jackie
Thu Jan 25, 2018 2:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: blah
Replies: 11
Views: 1991

Re: Lady Marguerite Gautier (La Dame aux Camellias)

Hi RC, I'm wanting to be drawn into your mystique here. I think the problem is partly with "the lost century" (instead of "a lost century", which would diminish its importance as you intended) and "that earlier time" (which I think is important to your story but not well enough described as an event...
by Jackie
Tue Jan 16, 2018 11:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Passing Out (revision2)
Replies: 14
Views: 2155

Re: Passing Out (revision)

Do we all read poetry according to our history?
Sometimes literature teachers ask, "What meaning do you make out of this?" rather than, "What does this mean?"

Jackie
by Jackie
Tue Jan 16, 2018 12:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bone Dry
Replies: 6
Views: 1546

Re: Bone Dry

Hi Luke, I think of laden as meaning weighed down, like a tree or a person. Can a sack be laden? Or if the subject of laden is indeed the women, you need a comma before laden. I’d suggest “crumbling chortens and women” as well as “None pause s to breathe, sip chang,/ or alter …” May I suggest changi...
by Jackie
Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Passing Out (revision2)
Replies: 14
Views: 2155

Re: Passing Out

Hi Mac, Because of the title, I assume one of these siblings is watching while the other graduates from a military academy, but “keys turn” eludes me. Maybe you’re saying they were turnkey from the time they were tumbling in leaves, their future roles in life already cut and dried? I wonder why S2-3...
by Jackie
Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Final Mountain - 2nd Revision
Replies: 13
Views: 2175

Re: The Final Mountain

His friends found him lying against the rocks, facing the dawn.
Powerful.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Jan 14, 2018 3:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Final Mountain - 2nd Revision
Replies: 13
Views: 2175

Re: The Final Mountain

Hello Steve, I'd support Luce's very helpful comments almost entirely; I feel the change he suggested in the title as well as switching to first person would bring about an immediacy that you're missing. I'm not sure I'd take the first person route to do it but I do think getting more immersed in th...
by Jackie
Sun Jan 14, 2018 2:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At the Fruit Section
Replies: 12
Views: 1932

Re: At the Fruit Section

heard good things
:D

Jackie