Search found 410 matches

by ton321
Sun Dec 04, 2016 2:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Survival
Replies: 22
Views: 2285

Re: Survival

Hi Tristan, I tried to apologize for my remarks, but got your name wrong ( i apologize). This seems to be turning into Apologize-gate. Like you said, lets draw a line under it, and if anything made me realize what a valuable resource this place is for fair-minded comment on other peoples poetry. Tony.
by ton321
Sat Dec 03, 2016 1:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Remembrance Sunday
Replies: 12
Views: 1543

Re: Remembrance Sunday

The white maroons that make the seagulls scatter, should stir a conscience with their smoke array. Not mine, for me this Sunday doesn’t matter, today the same as any other day. For not one week goes by when I don’t think of men who died on filthy strips of land, who lived like rats in holes, the fea...
by ton321
Sat Dec 03, 2016 1:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Stone-Collector
Replies: 8
Views: 942

Re: The Stone-Collectors

Thanks Lou,
Glad you liked it, grammatical points taken,
Cheers Tony
by ton321
Sat Dec 03, 2016 5:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Time and money are irrelevant
Replies: 32
Views: 3559

Re: Time and money are irrelevant

Hi JJ,
Great thought... and thats it,
Cheers Tony
by ton321
Sat Dec 03, 2016 3:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Stone-Collector
Replies: 8
Views: 942

The Stone-Collector

revision 2 The Stone-Collector gathers pebbles according to whim, a certain light, the way it sounds underfoot. Marbled with rainbow, or lean cuts of color, stone-grain stained like a sponge by weather- the mind's ballast, counterweight against the everyday, the cool hardness that can't last. When t...
by ton321
Sat Dec 03, 2016 3:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Survival
Replies: 22
Views: 2285

Re: Survival

Hi Firebird I do apologize for being rude the first time round, Most of the nails are blue bells, snowdrops, daffodils ... and do not want to be nails. 'Why then are they?', I hear you ask. Because there's a hammer above their heads. ..........finding it hard to find a connection between nails and f...
by ton321
Sat Dec 03, 2016 2:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Old Bricks
Replies: 14
Views: 1834

Re: Old Bricks

Hi , thanks for the replies, much appreciated,
Cheers Tony.
by ton321
Sun Nov 27, 2016 3:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Survival
Replies: 22
Views: 2285

Re: Survival

Hi , Tristan,

I apologize for my first reaction and any offense caused. Shouldn't have commented.
Cheers Tony.
by ton321
Sat Nov 26, 2016 5:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Old Bricks
Replies: 14
Views: 1834

Re: Brick

Hi Ray, Thanks for the suggestions. Just wanted to set the background with the first three lines. Now you've mentioned this omission I'm not so sure,
Cheers Tony.
by ton321
Sat Nov 26, 2016 3:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Time and money are irrelevant
Replies: 32
Views: 3559

Re: Time and money is Irrelevant

Hi JJ
If wishes were dinosaurs, beggars would ride,
Cheers Tony
by ton321
Sat Nov 26, 2016 2:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Old Bricks
Replies: 14
Views: 1834

Re: Brick

Thanks for the replies

the last line was a cop out, i agree.
Cheers Tony.
by ton321
Sat Nov 26, 2016 2:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wakefulness
Replies: 19
Views: 2858

Re: Wakefulness

like the way you parallel insomnia with repetition and dulling, measured detail, hypnotic in its own way.
Cheers Tony.
by ton321
Sat Nov 26, 2016 1:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Advice for a Grey Squirrel
Replies: 23
Views: 2317

Re: Advice for a Grey Squirrel

Hi grace, Across the bottom of the window glass his tail slips by, a ragged ostrich feather with its washed out plume. The ghost-squirrel startles in lilac depth of first morning light and scurries between his body and soul. ........... l loved this line Twitching with mistrust, he haunts the front ...
by ton321
Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Dumbo
Replies: 15
Views: 1716

Re: Dumbo

Hi Katherine, glad you liked it. There seems massive confusion about this ticking engine business. I just thought it was a cool simile to end the poem with. We stayed with my grandparents for the holidays, he came to pick us up. Cheers, Tony.
by ton321
Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:20 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Old Bricks
Replies: 14
Views: 1834

Old Bricks

revision 2 Old Bricks I want to crack them open and read the rough braille, of circumference and circumstance, like the rings of years in a tree, and trace a line back to their hearts thats still warm to the touch- that still hurts. revision 1 There's nothing more sad than a pile of bricks that no-o...
by ton321
Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Don't call again.
Replies: 11
Views: 1286

Re: Don't call again.

Hi Pauline,
I think the first stanza/strophe is great, but the first line of the second verse trips me up, and spoils the rest of the poem, which is frustrating, as you obviously have something to say here,
Cheers Tony
by ton321
Wed Nov 16, 2016 1:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Madame Houdini's Final Seance, Hollywood, 1936
Replies: 19
Views: 1781

Re: Madame Houdini's Final Seance, Hollywood, 1936

Hi Lou, I'm afraid i struggled with this one, which isn't to say i didn't like it. Basically it's a conceit on Madame Houdini's dalliance with the dead ie seances and Houdini's real death which obviously he couldn't overcome, coupled with new digital technology from re-mastering the old 78's? I like...
by ton321
Wed Nov 16, 2016 12:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Dumbo
Replies: 15
Views: 1716

Re: Dumbo

Thanks, Crayon for your comments, it's always appreciated. Ian, just slight changes can make a big difference, thanks for your suggestions. Kj, glad you liked some of it, there are some repetitions and grammatical errors i need to clean up. Grace, glad you liked it. I had the image of the sound of a...
by ton321
Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Dumbo
Replies: 15
Views: 1716

Re: Dumbo

Thanks Lou, glad you liked it, but as you say it seems like it was a short visit, not what i intended, thanks for pointing that out lol! Terry, glad you liked it. David, call me Tony. I'm seriously shit at punctuation, but glad for the feedback. Mac and Luce, thanks for the suggestions and comments,...
by ton321
Sat Nov 12, 2016 3:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Dumbo
Replies: 15
Views: 1716

Dumbo

I can still see it now a round elephant of blown glass sitting on its shelf in the unheated lounge of my my grandmothers house. It was as light as air congealed into something holdable. Its trunk caught the light sometimes. We always went out through the front room when we went home after the holida...
by ton321
Sat Nov 12, 2016 2:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Leafless [v2]
Replies: 16
Views: 1763

Re: Leafless (An Autumn Armistice Poem)

Hi crayon,
I Liked the way you used the stomping rhythm of the piece, as if it were walking and jumping over the leaves /lives you are talking about(in a good way), coupled with alliteration and rhyme, to impart the message in a different way!
Cheers Tony.
by ton321
Sun Nov 06, 2016 3:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Scene through the kitchen window
Replies: 11
Views: 1504

Re: Scene through the kitchen window

Scene through the kitchen window


October ploughland:
a muckspreader flecks the air
with rooks and herring gulls


I like the image you present here. My only problem is that i want more emotional context. It seems a bit isolated.
Cheers, Tony.
by ton321
Sun Nov 06, 2016 3:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Searching for Answers (Revised)
Replies: 22
Views: 2145

Re: Searching for Answers (Revised)

Hi JJ,

I like the way you structured your poem, with a question.
Cheers, Tony.
by ton321
Thu Nov 03, 2016 5:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Calling Time
Replies: 10
Views: 1218

Re: Calling Time

Hi JJ,
Glad you liked the feel of it. It still needs a lot of work, but i'll put in a drawer for a week or two,
Cheers, Tony.
by ton321
Mon Oct 31, 2016 1:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Aching to be Young Again. -Revision.
Replies: 17
Views: 2111

Re: Aching to be Young Again. -Revision.

I rise and shake myself awake and take good care to nurse the ache of feet and legs then, stretch my back. The day starts well, without a crack. In younger days, I used to jump out of my bed - before this slump- and run along to Gypsies’ Green to watch the sunrise – so serene. The North Sea held the...