Search found 410 matches

by ton321
Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Apple-Trees
Replies: 9
Views: 972

The Apple-Trees

revision 1 All the silent November nights, full of rain, the freezing days of ice and thaw, keeping your head down, tucked up to the chin with snow. A silent parallel world knuckled down to the task, like a weather-beaten postman, who delivers his letters come rain or shine, good news or bad, in the...
by ton321
Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Maybe
Replies: 9
Views: 1092

Re: Maybe

Thanks for the tip Ian, been wondering how to mix it up a bit!
by ton321
Tue Jul 26, 2016 11:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mermaid (revision)
Replies: 18
Views: 1641

Re: Mermaid

Hi Mac, I too liked this piece. Her lips became as dry as pebbles without their sea-salt kiss. My voice echoed a rust of song, that spray of gulls. I lifted her like a baptism into the waves. The shimmer of silver scales in moonlight breathed life, the frame of our goodbye. Along the shore the famil...
by ton321
Tue Jul 26, 2016 10:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tic Toc
Replies: 4
Views: 530

Re: Tic Toc

Hi Trobbo, some truly nihilistic images here, such as Only flaccid hills of tone-free stomach muscle are married to fatty, diabetic kidneys, no longer needed in the grand scheme of his life. I think if you want to write in this vein, to be successful you have to introduce a bit of light , as well as...
by ton321
Sun Jul 24, 2016 3:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7563
Views: 942729

Re: Haiku Train

There's not a bar in the grate.
Rain has issued its final demands-
wet leaves like letters.
by ton321
Fri Jul 22, 2016 11:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Maybe
Replies: 9
Views: 1092

Re: Maybe

Thanks for the replies, just having a bit of fun. Its probably me but i cant seem to vary the spaces at the start of each line, so when I set down the poem they are all lined up underneath each other, which is a bit boring sometimes.
by ton321
Fri Jul 22, 2016 11:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Returning
Replies: 10
Views: 948

Re: Returning

Thanks jackie and katherine and Lou for your replies. The wall bit did seem to distract from the poem, but i was trying to set up its context, ah well, never mind. I think the lesson ive learned here is to be carefull in the details.
by ton321
Sat Jul 16, 2016 2:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Maybe
Replies: 9
Views: 1092

Maybe

we've got
to make
the
best
of
what
time
we've
got
left

and thats not by writing vertical poems.
by ton321
Sat Jul 16, 2016 12:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Returning
Replies: 10
Views: 948

Re: returning

Thanks for the replies. It really wasn't about anything except bumping into a mole that had fallen from a wall which was level with park-ground, that was trying to get back underground I guess, and i was too scared to pick it up and let it carry on with its its life. Thanks Moth, for your response, ...
by ton321
Fri Jul 08, 2016 11:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Returning
Replies: 10
Views: 948

Returning

Revision 1 Nose twitching downwards like a divining rod, a mole went this way and that besides the busy road, at rush hour. I couldn't pick it up and set it back on its way, instead I inserted my foot, blocking its path to try and guide it back from where it came. But it wouldn't have it. It didn't ...
by ton321
Sat Jul 02, 2016 1:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Freedom
Replies: 15
Views: 1637

Re: Freedom

Why not try haiku-ing it?


Freedom

Tall tomato plants
with warmth, sunlight and some water
press against the glass.

..#BOOSH!

cheers, Ton
by ton321
Sat Jul 02, 2016 12:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fruit Loops Drama - Revision II
Replies: 15
Views: 1530

Re: Fruit Loops Drama

Hi Luce, I liked this piece a lot. The details , i think make this poem , such as the vegetable tops tickling the legs. Just such a simple description somehow brings everything to life. The title seems a bit provisional, though.
by ton321
Sat Jul 02, 2016 12:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: This Shrouded Face (Revised)
Replies: 11
Views: 1073

Re: This Shrouded Face

To feel the sweat of a race not run and hold the clench of a stomach churned, as I crumble and fall, using artifice to fool this world of my consummate ease. This daily pulse with racing blood, like the sparrow evading the falcons dance. And I, with this shrouded face try so hard to solicit speech f...
by ton321
Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Summer Evening
Replies: 17
Views: 1494

Re: Summer Evening

captures a childhood moment, nice one!
by ton321
Sat Jun 25, 2016 1:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Pillar
Replies: 13
Views: 1294

Re: The Pillar

I actually really liked it. I get what you're trying to say, comparing the image of an egg timer/hourglass, and a stalagmite. Maybe you could expand a little on why you prefer the hourglass rather than the stalagmite, but both images compliment/push against each other in ways that you could expand u...
by ton321
Wed Jun 22, 2016 10:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A land called Elsewhere
Replies: 11
Views: 1213

Re: A land called Elsewhere

Cheers for the replies everyone. It was a poetry exercise, with the title being given as a starting point. It needs reworking/starting again, but I appreciate your comments, especially it being like a Carlsberg advert, which made me chuckle!
by ton321
Sun Jun 19, 2016 11:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A land called Elsewhere
Replies: 11
Views: 1213

A land called Elsewhere

A remote control with fifty buttons of promises. A garden center that dreams of Eden. A ring road that doesn't stop and start. A heart that doesn't break but breaks even. Clothes that make you look ten years younger. A plumbing system that repairs itself. The all new self-weeding garden. All of the ...
by ton321
Sat Jun 18, 2016 2:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Hovering
Replies: 10
Views: 1183

Re: Hovering

The poem fulfilled the promise of its title. ie a poem about a bird of prey doing its thing, but to me its all a bit bog-standard, over explained, and wordy. I don't feel excited about it even though you're telling me i should be, if you get my drift. Have you read Ted Hughes The hawk in the Rain. N...
by ton321
Sun Jun 12, 2016 9:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Take me off the beaten track
Replies: 12
Views: 1309

Re: Take me off the beaten track

I think i just wanted the map-words to do the talking, the spaces of grass and green, and a bit of wind, where no one goes, but where were all left in the end.
by ton321
Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Take me off the beaten track
Replies: 12
Views: 1309

Re: Take me off the beaten track

Thanks Pauline for your input, and your poem isn't half bad by the way! Trobbo, and Boat, yes your comments confirm its not quite there yet! This is work in progress, just trying to work out what i want to say, and how to say it! Its more an exercise in how not to do a poem exercise if you get my dr...
by ton321
Sat Jun 04, 2016 1:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Hello Mary-Lou. Revision
Replies: 18
Views: 2322

Re: Hello Mary-Lou. Revision

Mary-Lou twiddled the nipple on her left diddy and tuned into the voices only she could hear. Her head resting into the cigarette held in her free hand. Oblivious to the smoulder and smell of sizzling mane she was delighted when Dermot came through. He talked dirty and she could forget about her blo...
by ton321
Tue May 31, 2016 5:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: silence
Replies: 7
Views: 876

Re: silence

Thanks for the replies, and glad you liked it Mac, and Firebird. Its not finished yet, so thanks for the constructive criticism, maybe the last two lines are a tad cliched. I liked what you did with it Pauline, ie you have tied it up a bit and made it neater.
by ton321
Sun May 29, 2016 11:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Prayer
Replies: 13
Views: 1521

Re: Prayer

I liked it but im like Greg Wallis from Masterchef- I want more of it !
by ton321
Sun May 29, 2016 10:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: silence
Replies: 7
Views: 876

silence

Maybe your eyes have it sometimes
when the words come out wrong-
a stone dropped in a well, that second or two
of lost meaning,
counting with our heartbeats.
by ton321
Sat May 14, 2016 11:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Take me off the beaten track
Replies: 12
Views: 1309

Re: Just off the M62 Westbound

Thanks everyone for the replies, glad everyone sort of liked it. I think Ross hit the nail on the head with what I wanted to do, ie make a poem out of the place names, and let them take up the slack, almost without the author being present. I agree it needs something else though.