Search found 410 matches

by ton321
Sat Jan 30, 2016 3:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Post 2016
Replies: 9
Views: 997

Re: Post 2016

I loved this! It was discomforting and felt strangely true to real life.
by ton321
Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Autumn
Replies: 5
Views: 647

Autumn

In the same way that leaves fall after going a certain color but with no one in particular to notice or categorize this change from summers green to an abundance of fire so it is with us, with the clogged up letterbox, two stories up, all the unopened letters going from green to red like final deman...
by ton321
Sat Jan 16, 2016 2:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bling
Replies: 6
Views: 720

Re: Bling

Thanks, im glad you liked it. I dont know what the hell its about, and i wrote it!
by ton321
Mon Jan 11, 2016 4:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bling
Replies: 6
Views: 720

Re: Bling

Thanks for the replies. I agree that -lashed to the mast, sounds better, thanks Katherine. I tend to get carried away and repeat words from a sentence or two ago!
by ton321
Sun Jan 10, 2016 3:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Undone
Replies: 8
Views: 989

Re: Undone

it all seems a bit downbeat, and structured that way, with falling verses that accompany the mood of the poem.
by ton321
Sun Jan 10, 2016 2:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bling
Replies: 6
Views: 720

Bling

There's a bracelet of stars just in, from alpha centauri. Or maybe that molten ring brought in from the heart of a planet. Our man from Chernobyl saw the blue light from the broken tooth of the casing- stood there for a second or two like a disaster tourist, and like Turner in the heart of the storm...
by ton321
Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Retirement of the Lighthouse Keeper (revised)
Replies: 15
Views: 2096

Re: The Lighthouse Keeper (retired)

hi, i liked the following bit but it beams across the zest of spray, that grinning bay with granite cliffs, and wakes the ghosts in ships. the grinning bay evokes a malicious force in nature, and waking the ghosts of ships is a powerfull image. I dont know if the title would be better without the wo...
by ton321
Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Birds of Deformation
Replies: 4
Views: 691

Re: The Birds of Deformation

In a strange way i actually liked this poem, in an unsettling crazy kind of way.
by ton321
Sat Nov 07, 2015 11:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Voodoo Lilly
Replies: 5
Views: 840

Re: Voodoo Lilly

It is a plant that pollinates itself by flies, and gives off a stench of rotting fllesh, to do so. How poetic a subject!
by ton321
Sat Nov 07, 2015 2:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Voodoo Lilly
Replies: 5
Views: 840

Voodoo Lilly

I have studied the corpses and cadavers,
run my fingers through their hair,
lived the dream of death

and can say, with certanty

this isn't what I asked for,
but what i had to do.
by ton321
Sat Oct 17, 2015 12:58 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Weldon Kees
Replies: 6
Views: 2280

Re: Weldon Kees

Simon Armitage wrote a few poems modelled on Kees Robinson persona. Not a third that stands beside me is one of my favourites. Then again i like Morrisssey!
by ton321
Sun Oct 11, 2015 1:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Born Devil
Replies: 5
Views: 752

Re: Born Devil

im mewling and cornered by your responses to this poem! Seriously, thanks for the replies.
by ton321
Sat Oct 10, 2015 1:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Born Devil
Replies: 5
Views: 752

Born Devil

You came out smoking like a lump of cooling lava. We tossed you about like a hot potato until we set you on the floor red and naked, like a raw, live wound- your mewling cries,like a newborn kitten. Out of what corner of the earth had you come to trouble us? And there you are still trembling too hot...
by ton321
Sat Oct 10, 2015 12:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Cerebral Static
Replies: 19
Views: 2088

Re: Cerebral Static

i liked it, with its sibillants and sound effects, just the title put me off a bit, maybe something like white noise, or even tinnitus. I myself have tinnitus and have often wanted to write a poem about it it.
by ton321
Sat Oct 03, 2015 2:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: block 18 row 3
Replies: 4
Views: 868

Re: block 18 row 3

it seems like you are venting some anger, or the speaker is, but the effect is diluted by a confusing mis mash of voices, a white noise of inconsequence.
by ton321
Fri Oct 02, 2015 11:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How to be a banana
Replies: 13
Views: 1718

Re: How to be a banana

loved this poem. Clever and funny. Be one of the bunch is my my favourite line.
by ton321
Fri Oct 02, 2015 11:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Subliminal
Replies: 9
Views: 980

Re: Subliminal

I liked the poem, and its descriptive details, but was a bit flummoxed like the other readers as to the general gist of it. Maybe your deliberate mis spelling of dynamic should be the title of the poem, and act as a rosetta stone for the rest of the poem!
by ton321
Wed Sep 30, 2015 4:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Picture
Replies: 10
Views: 1293

Re: The Picture

Thanks for the replies. I will post another version soon.
by ton321
Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Picture
Replies: 10
Views: 1293

The Picture

You said we might never go back to the pretty town with a view of the sea, with its English weather, the sense of denouement at three o clock- where the Indians shut at nine, the pubs at eleven, the streets at twelve. Something has changed since last time we came. You bought a picture. I haven't the...
by ton321
Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Dream of Waking
Replies: 5
Views: 759

Re: A Dream of Waking

Thanks for the comments. This isnt my usual style of poem, but ive been reading Pablo Neruda. I was intrigued by the comment to not unwrap too much.
by ton321
Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Factory Gates
Replies: 7
Views: 892

Re: The Factory Gates

i think there is depth to this poem, the wrought but thankfully closed line, i find quite witty and economical, being mirrored especially so. Saying something quite dark is hard to do without resorting to cliches. Its unsettling without appearing to be.
by ton321
Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sundew revised
Replies: 10
Views: 1000

Re: Sundew revised

I think this poem is a haiku candidate with its condensed imagery. I liked it.
by ton321
Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Youth
Replies: 8
Views: 1123

Re: Youth

is there a way that this poem could have been written that didnt sound like it was written a hundred years ago?
by ton321
Fri Sep 25, 2015 10:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Dream of Waking
Replies: 5
Views: 759

A Dream of Waking

The tiles are heavy on my eyes, like the coins of kindness. Tonight we are beyond buoyancy, unfluent with what seems like a death, before the slow mouths kiss us on the lips- messy as eating a ripe peach, letting the sounds of the morning coalesce like a promise, unkept. Why does the sun always bang...
by ton321
Sun May 17, 2015 12:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Relay
Replies: 4
Views: 731

Relay

At the last leg i hold your hand
withered and athritic, glowing with forty years
of pain, a slow burning memory,
a peat fire they cant put out or contain.