Search found 1716 matches

by NotQuiteSure
Wed Apr 29, 2020 4:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Vital Signs (v2)
Replies: 9
Views: 429

Re: Vital Signs

. Hi mac, thanks for the read and crit. archaeological, takes me further back than childhood. depends how old you feel :) It's over when those over-paid gods kick a ball! That's the problem, rather like the 'science' at the moment, everyone's got their own metrics so I just tried to keep mine down ...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Apr 29, 2020 4:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

almost anything’s better than ‘such things’ :D Aha! Right, it was my second choice, the first was while Red Hatters everywhere cheered and wrawled for some things there are that do love a wall. - being a much closer to Frost's original (save for the switch in meaning), but I was wary of 'some thing...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Apr 29, 2020 11:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Vital Signs (v2)
Replies: 9
Views: 429

Vital Signs (v2)

. v2 Vital Signs I'll know that the lockdown's over when the managing directors of all the supermarkets who have been keeping me informed announce the end of rationing by email. I've missed frozen spinach (special offers, and the culture war). I'll know that the lockdown's over when they backfill t...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Apr 29, 2020 10:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

.
Thanks mac, Tristan.

Not entirely sure about patriot myself, but will mull.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dandelion (V4)
Replies: 11
Views: 492

Re: Dandelion (V4)

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Hi Tristan,
not quite sure about the inversion 'am I' but other than that I think this one hits the right note. It reads well. (Would changing 'this' for 'the' help or hinder?)

Regards, Not.

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by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 28, 2020 10:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dandelion (V4)
Replies: 11
Views: 492

Re: Dandelion (V3)

.
Hi Tristan, the problem persists, and I agree with mac about v3/s2.

How about

No flower flatters as much
as when you stretch out your petals.

How envious I am
of this morning sun.


?

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 28, 2020 10:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

Macavity wrote:
Tue Apr 28, 2020 10:17 am
Just a thought
And an interesting one. Thanks.
( as a general idea, though, this ending works?)

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Apr 27, 2020 1:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

.
Hi Tristan.
IMP? WTO! What's the P? :)

OK. How about this couplet as an ending for v1?

Red Hatters everywhere whooped and wrawled
for they are such things that do love a wall.



Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Apr 27, 2020 10:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cottage Pie
Replies: 10
Views: 496

Re: Cottage Pie

. Hi Trevor, far too stodgy for me. Some very nice lines, that all Irish meals begin with potatoes, the oddity of onions and the importance of getting the name right. But, onions aside, the language of the recipe isn't interesting enough and the ending feels a bit too pat (plus, I couldn't tell wha...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:28 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: 3 poems on Richie McCaffery’s site
Replies: 3
Views: 295

Re: 3 poems on Richie McCaffery’s site

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Congrats Tristan,
Particularly nice to read 'Walking the Wall' again.
Well done!

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dandelion (V4)
Replies: 11
Views: 492

Re: Dandelion

.
Hi Tristan,
s1 is excellent, but s2 doesn't rise to meet it (not enough romance in the language, for me).
I like the idea of being envious of the sun (and the title).

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Apr 26, 2020 3:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Encounter.
Replies: 9
Views: 540

Re: Encounter.

. Hi Tony, seems less a revision and more a companion piece. Not keen on the opening line (doesn't do much for me) and not certain about the ending. Is it a 'mugging' if it's indoors? But that's a niggardly niggle. I do like the 'night's currency' (you're missing the possessive apostrophe there) an...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Apr 26, 2020 10:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

.
Hi mac,
not hyphenated buy capitalised? OK. Done.
Macavity wrote:
Sun Apr 26, 2020 8:25 am
Will have a ponder.
Thanks, I'll be over here bating my breath. :)

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Sat Apr 25, 2020 12:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Grate Communicator (was The Art of ...)
Replies: 8
Views: 404

Re: The Art of the Deal (v2)

.
Thanks Trevor,
but if I go down that route I lose the last line.
(I was trying to find a balance somewhere between Trump and Humpty in Alice ... still teetering).
OK, teetered. Here's v4.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sat Apr 25, 2020 10:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

.
Thanks for returning mac,
do you think it should be Red Hatter (without the hyphen)?
Still not sure about the ending, would
but decency's dying down in La Perrera
be stronger?


Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Fri Apr 24, 2020 4:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ghost-Meat
Replies: 5
Views: 400

Re: Ghost-Meat

. Hi Tony, great title, and an intriguing write (even with the persistent misspellings :) ). Not that keen on the 2nd person opening, could it begin Scrolling down the ... ? I'm a bit confused as to how a sub-title (for what exactly, the Prawns?) can be 'above'. Do you need 'strange'? Scrolling dow...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Apr 24, 2020 3:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v2)

.
Hi mac,
bland? OK. Fraid I couldn't return your 'hero', but after some minor restoration and tweaking - v3.

Regards, Not



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by NotQuiteSure
Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Grate Communicator (was The Art of ...)
Replies: 8
Views: 404

Re: The Art of the Deal

.
Hi Trevor,
OK, I've cancelled your covfefe (and got some version of 'tremendous' in :) )
v2 up.


Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Fri Apr 24, 2020 12:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Anything Goes
Replies: 2
Views: 220

Re: Anything Goes

. Hi Penguin, a somewhat baffling but enjoyable read. A bit 'pot calling kettle' I admit, but the meter is frequently too loose, even for me. The title had made me expect a different rhythm. I'd have preferred a slightly stronger narrative thread running through the piece, it began to feel a little...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Apr 24, 2020 10:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Grate Communicator (was The Art of ...)
Replies: 8
Views: 404

Re: The Art of the Deal

. Hi Tony, Travor, Penguin. Thanks all, appreciate your time and comments. Tony, yes the weak rhyme was deliberate, not sure if it works, but had to give it a go. Trevor, closer to Trumps actual speech - I did think about that but didn't have the stomach for the research. :) (I did use a direct quo...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Apr 22, 2020 1:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Encounter.
Replies: 9
Views: 540

Re: Pink-Moon

. Hi Tony, I think the biggest weakness is the opening line (though the title isn't doing much). It has something of the 'it was a dark and stormy night' about it. There's a rhythm there (I think) that comes and goes, maybe it should stay? (If the moon is pink, why is the coin silver?) Just a thoug...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Apr 22, 2020 11:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Checkout
Replies: 8
Views: 375

Re: Checkout

. Hi Trevor. Re the more proasic development, do you think that was because the imagery wasn't vivid or because the subjects/characters themselves just weren't interesting? For me it was the later characters/subjects weren't interesting/intriguing enough. There are questions which the descriptions ...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 21, 2020 4:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land

. Hi Tristan, thanks for the read. L5 - would it be better (and I think it likely would) without the 'with'? L7 - you caught me. I'm not happy with the second half either (and haven't found the answer. Probably being bound by the limited rhymes for 'humanity' and I may just have to replace the coup...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 21, 2020 3:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Grate Communicator (was The Art of ...)
Replies: 8
Views: 404

The Grate Communicator (was The Art of ...)

. The Grate Communicator Words , said the Trumpety, mean what I say, meaning tomorrow's not meaning today; for I know words, I have the best words and it's sad when you say that I don't. Absurd. To the Trumpety bigly also means barely , a great deal 's tradeable with most unfairly , honour's fugaci...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 21, 2020 3:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

The Promised Land (v4)

. v4 The Promised Land Trumpety-Dumpety built a great wall – out of hot air and lies and nothing at all: with snipers to shoot at a Mexican's knees and gators to eat all the bad refugees, spikes and electrical currents that kill cages for babies and children to fill. – As everywhere Red Hatters who...