Search found 1722 matches

by NotQuiteSure
Tue Jun 30, 2020 2:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Love, Yer Yer Yer
Replies: 5
Views: 68

Re: Love, Yer Yer Yer

. Hi Amadis Hey, don't do a better song than mine! Apologies (it is such a fun idea) Don't know that it's better though I was gonna get all the girls with that one :) Bit on the short side don't you think? Of course, they say that size doesn't matter ... :) Didn't know that about will-show (the con...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Jun 30, 2020 1:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Love, Yer Yer Yer
Replies: 5
Views: 68

Re: Love, Yer Yer Yer

. Hi Amadis, a jaunty little number :) I don't understand 'a will show' (is it the opposite of 'a no show'?) and it bumps in a couple of places. Just a thought If there's one think I do know we're like John and Yoko been yours from the get go there's no place we can't go so how will it all go? Who ...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Jun 30, 2020 12:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys (was Cowboys)
Replies: 10
Views: 141

Re: The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys (was Cowboys)

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- final tweaks (?) and title change ...

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by NotQuiteSure
Tue Jun 30, 2020 11:51 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetrykit
Replies: 6
Views: 198

Re: Poetrykit

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Congrats mac.
Glad this one found a home

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Fri Jun 26, 2020 11:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Delusions of Grandparenthood
Replies: 4
Views: 55

Re: Delusions of Grandparenthood

. Hi T, some very nice lines - L2 and L15, for instance but it seems to lose focus - 'land of elated grandparents' becomes 'renting my child by the hour', either/both are excellent, but, when combined, the don't seem to add up to anything. The 'land' could have dinosaurian grandparents roaming abou...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Jun 23, 2020 10:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys (was Cowboys)
Replies: 10
Views: 141

Re: Cowboys (v3)

. Hi mac, I read that article wondering in what sense it constituted news. Dog bites man, a liar lies (hold the front page). I did Boris in 'Jilted', so wanted a slightly different target this time. Like accountant for the sonics, but, after the financial crash, KPMG's Carillion audit, Tesco and al...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Jun 22, 2020 4:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 65

Re: Bully

. Hi poet. I'd also agree that this piece is repetitious (though there's nothing necessarily wrong with repetition, depends how you use it). I don't know if this will help as I wouldn't claim to understand just what it is you're trying to convey (I'm not clear why N wants to be bullied), but ... Bu...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Jun 22, 2020 10:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pentre Village (revision)
Replies: 8
Views: 152

Re: Pentre Village (revision)

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Hi mac,
at the risk of asphyxia

Sandbags in Pentre, in Rhondda Cynon Taff,
water knocks at the front door, and at the back.
It's time to move on says the wife. But we won't.

Like the switch to 'the village'.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 22
Views: 908

Re: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)

Yip, you're wrong. :lol: It's actually grown on my JJ! But 'zealous' and 'territorial' ... not at all. Couple of further thoughts ... Sparrows are the first this year, a flock of overeager males, their aspirations all too clear, impervious to winter’s gales. ... marshalling their March Campaigns I ...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Jun 21, 2020 12:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys (was Cowboys)
Replies: 10
Views: 141

Re: Cowboys (v2)

. Hi mac, thanks for returning. A pity you've retained the opening line gag Not., but message delivery, like humour, is a subjective preference. Indeed. Though as far as I can tell I've only made one reference to excrement before (Sleepless), so it's not like it's a common motif ... yet. Or are you...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Jun 21, 2020 12:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 128

Re: Still

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Bugger.
Thanks JJ (fixed).
Did I say welcome back?

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Jun 21, 2020 10:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 128

Re: Still

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Hi poet,
thanks for the read.

Hi JJ,
welcome back, and just in time!
Yes, it's to do with slavery, statues and ... relieved that that's not hopelessly obscure. :)

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Sat Jun 20, 2020 1:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys (was Cowboys)
Replies: 10
Views: 141

Re: Cowboys

. Hi mac, thanks for the read and the crit. Was this in stanza form before Not? - Yes, but I didn't like how it read that way. Trying this (for the moment). Either way I buy into the analogy. - Good start. a slapstick classic. Hardy without Laurel. Just a suggestion, though you do prefer a toilet g...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat Jun 20, 2020 1:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pentre Village (revision)
Replies: 8
Views: 152

Re: Pentre Roots

. Hi mac, like the revision, definite improvement, but still not convinced by that title. Nor the last line. I like the idea, and the bindweed! but don't think you've quite got it yet. Also not sure it isn't overkill. 'But we won't' really worked well I thought as a conclusion, it didn't need expla...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Jun 19, 2020 5:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 128

Re: Still

. Hi mac, T. Thanks for the read. Don't know if it will help mac, but think of two of the meanings of 'still', that should steer you in the right direction, hopefully. Thanks for playing T, will ponder (but Tristan's version may be going in a different direction to the one I (apparently obscurely) ...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Jun 19, 2020 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Death becomes Apparent to a Five-year-old
Replies: 7
Views: 417

Re: Death becomes Apparent to a Five-year-old

. Hi T, I struggle with this, mainly, as mac put it, because The title did lead me to expect the immediacy and skewed world of the child, which, for me, would lock me into the poem's mindset. Change the title, and maybe it will be easier to approach? You've 'tumbled' twice (the second time after 'w...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Jun 19, 2020 4:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys (was Cowboys)
Replies: 10
Views: 141

The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys (was Cowboys)

. The Homeowner Hands Over The Keys They pile out of Dom's white van with all the urgent industry of a logjam. The fat one – often asleep at the wheel – trips over his feet, then the kerb, but rises, swiftly, with verve to applause from the rest: a pallet of planks who've seen it before but appear ...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Jun 19, 2020 4:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pentre Village (revision)
Replies: 8
Views: 152

Re: Pentre Village

. Hi mac, still obsessing over aphids, I see :) Not a great or interesting title. Not much of a draw, to me anyway. So many rhymes mac! The driest May and fear of drought and virus, smear of honeydew and sallow leaves. Our wish list idles in a camping van. She opens windows for a breeze, far too hu...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Jun 18, 2020 1:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bouquet Garni (Was April)
Replies: 10
Views: 521

Re: Bouquet Garni (Was April)

. Hi Luke, not sure about the revision, seems to have lost some of the 'music' of the original, and the new title really doesn't work for me. That, plus 'barbecue drum' (drought, fear, future in ash) sends me to cannibalism. The stuttering opening doesn't invite one in. (Still confused by 'floodwat...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Jun 18, 2020 11:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 128

Re: Still

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Hi Tristan,
thanks for the read, and the re-write. A different, but intriguing, question, I think.

Regards, Not



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by NotQuiteSure
Wed Jun 17, 2020 2:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: At a Distance (revision)
Replies: 5
Views: 181

Re: At a Distance (revision)

. i Eira. Where did you lose you internet? Have you checked behind the sofa? Still liking the heart of the piece, and wondering if the underlying anxiety might underlie less? (It's those last two verses, to me they seem to undercut the strenght of s5) Any way to more closely tie the petals to the s...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Jun 17, 2020 2:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird
Replies: 2
Views: 55

Re: The Owl and the Blackbird

. Hi Eira, enjoyed the idea, and the ending, but stumbled going from s3 to s4 (and with the details of s4). Why is N in the nest at twilight? Why 'still' wide awake? Shouldn't N be awake (widely or otherwise) at this time (if they are a (night) owl)? (feather/feathered/feathers? Don't think you nee...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Jun 17, 2020 1:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 128

Still

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Still


it is not that
our sins were quiet
oceans filled their throats
and wealth buys its own
silence



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by NotQuiteSure
Wed Jun 17, 2020 1:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 662

Re: The Carolinas Arms

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You're not helping Eira! :)

K&D sets the scene better, I think, but TW is a better name for a pub.
AAArrrrghhh!

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Jun 14, 2020 4:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 662

Re: The Carolinas Arms

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Hi T, mac, Eira.

Thanks for the feedback.
I think I'll go with The Knight & Drey (as per mac and Eira,) though following the thread of Knights led to The Tilted Windmill (which has a certain appeal) ... dithering.

Regards, Not

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