Search found 1716 matches

by NotQuiteSure
Thu Jun 04, 2020 2:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Honeydew (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 484

Re: Casual

. Hi mac, not sure about the title, but I did enjoy the ending, and all those interesting undercurrents (infidelities, abandonments, betrayals and regrets). I thought the opening suffered from a lack of detail, the 'furrows' and the 'farmer's field' all seem a bit too pat, and obscure the fact that...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Jun 03, 2020 6:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 656

Re: The Carolinas Arms

. Hi T, thanks for the read and suggestions. I definitely felt I knew the pub :) the subject matter was much less familiar I couldn't have both the setting and the subject matter be unfamiliar, one eases you gently (I hope) into the other. If it's a poem about a group of eccentric bird enthusiasts ...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Jun 01, 2020 1:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 656

Re: The Carolinas Arms

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Hi mac,
you're rather racing ahead of me. What I wanted to write was a piece about a place where such stories could be told,
not to tell the stories themselves - that is phase II. :)

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 31, 2020 11:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 656

Re: The Carolina Arms

. Hi Tony, mac. Thanks for the read. This one ended up a little darker than intended (the general 'futility of war' stuff is more foregrounded than I had envisioned initially), and also, it appears, more obscure. Neither of you encountered anyone who went to great (and surprising) lengths to proof ...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 31, 2020 10:33 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Mac and Ray in London Grip
Replies: 4
Views: 444

Re: Mac and Ray in London Grip

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Oops!
Apologies and congratulation ray.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 30, 2020 12:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 656

The Carolinas Arms

. The Carolinas Arms You know the pub, its paint too worn to welcome in the passer-by. You know the street, the one that sank beneath the city's rising tide. You know the type that drinks in there, each one as empty as a glass. That place has a reputation, you know, so you keep walking past afraid ...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 30, 2020 11:06 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Mac and Ray in London Grip
Replies: 4
Views: 444

Mac and Ray in London Grip

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Congrats mac,
glad this one found a place to land.

https://londongrip.co.uk/2020/05/london-grip-new-poetry-summer-2020/#wood

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 29, 2020 10:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title needed
Replies: 5
Views: 383

Re: Title needed

. Hi Tristan, a bit rough around the edges (unnoticed then obliviously leap out) but liked the idea. Suggestions, including a title Hindsight. These days I take small bites and a thinner, sweeter, carrot with tiny nascent shoots appears for forty years I'd been gnawing/chomping blindly thinking it ...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 25, 2020 2:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Never in a Month of Sundays
Replies: 1
Views: 163

Never in a Month of Sundays

. Never in a Month of Sundays I wanted to write a clever political poem, really, I did. But then he said it, actually said it – integrity – and I had to stop and go to the window, for surely there would be a pig flying by, any second now. Perhaps more than one, and I didn't want to miss that. But t...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 25, 2020 11:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Jilted
Replies: 6
Views: 334

Re: Jilted

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Hi T,
thanks for the read, and the suggested edit.
It costs me too much, I think. Can't kick at a would be classicist without the classical
references, and the idea of the piece, of being spurned by History herself, vanishes
without them.

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 24, 2020 5:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Jilted
Replies: 6
Views: 334

Re: Jilted

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You're welcome, Lotus.

I'd be interested in seeing those images (if there are any)
as well :) There's not much on-line that I was able to find.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 24, 2020 5:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Motorway Bridge
Replies: 4
Views: 203

Re: Motorway Bridge

. Hi Tony, liked the first two stanzas, but didn't find the third that engaging (the last line of S2 seems to offer a much better ending). Could do with a little trimming and, if possibly, something better than 'zooming traffic'? Doppler gives the sound, not sure that 'zooming' offers much. 'notice...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 24, 2020 12:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

Re: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)

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Hi Tony,
thanks for the read.
(I need the 'doubt' in the piece, but will ponder).

Regards, Not



- changed S4 from

Or the stomach drop, at apogee,
as a cumulus of doubt
would scud aross your cloudless sky
a fleeting, faint-heart, thought


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by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 23, 2020 12:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Daughter's Gift
Replies: 4
Views: 194

Re: Daughter's Gift

. Hi T, this doesn't feel either original or interesting (or short enough!) to me (though perhaps there are parents out there with whom this will strike a chord). (S5 - 'canals' seems ill-chosen, and the ambiguity of 'her' (is it N's wife's legs being hoisted) is amusing, though clearly unintention...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 23, 2020 11:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

Re: What's the Point of Puddles? (v2)

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Thanks mac,
much appreciated.


Regards, Not.


- version three -

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by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 22, 2020 1:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

Re: What's the Point of Puddles?

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Hi T.

Dithering over italicising have, it's a stressed syllable (until JJ tells me it isn't :) ) so I'll hold off for a while longer.

Thanks again.

Regards, Not

- revision posted -


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by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 22, 2020 12:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Piper At The Gates Of Dawn (revised)
Replies: 7
Views: 363

Re: Birdies At The Gates Of Dawn (revised)

. Hi Mac, preferred the original title, 'birdies' (here) seems a bit too trivial somehow. To return to 'sallow' and 'sophist', how about True, back then, he was a bookish fellow ... He let the scholar sleep, breathed (deep) the songs Any alternative to 'living' (L7)? It rather clips the heels of 'l...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 22, 2020 11:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

Re: What's the Point of Puddles?

. Hi T, thanks for returning. It's a 'carpe diem' piece (puddles being a metaphor for ... well, whatever you want :) ) so I don't want to have to spell everything out. And (depending on where you put the emphasis - I'd suggest have) I thought it would be reasonably clear that (in S3) N doesn't thin...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 22, 2020 10:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

Re: What's the Point of Puddles?

. Hi Tristan, Trevor thanks for the read. Tristan. I offered mac an alternative to simoon (scud, above) - would that suffice? And what's you beef with apogee? :) - it continues on from 'lift-off' (I hope). S4 - 'point of no return' (yes, a familiar phrase) but I was pairing it with 'being born' (th...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu May 21, 2020 1:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Piper At The Gates Of Dawn (revised)
Replies: 7
Views: 363

Re: Piper At The Gates Of Dawn

. Hi mac. An excellent (and entertaining) biography, not quite certain about the movement from 'sallow' (connotation 'dirty' or 'yellow' (lacking convictions?)) to 'black and white' (but that's a nice ending). Maybe 'those birdies' ? ('the' seems a bit feeble, somehow). Shouldn't ratty be Ratty (an...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu May 21, 2020 12:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

Re: What's the Point of Puddles?

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Thanks for returning mac,
line duely tweaked
(so too 'splashing' S7/L4).

Regards, Not


PS should simoon prove too problematic, how about
when a cumulus of doubt
would scud across your sky
?
(rather like the missile connection :) )


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by NotQuiteSure
Thu May 21, 2020 11:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

Re: What's the Point of Puddles?

. Hi mac, thanks for the read. Title caught my attention Must admit, it's my new favourite :) You may want to revisit the repetition of felt - I rather liked it (oddly) but open to suggestions. (Would you prefer or just how good it felt to feel your sole depart ?) I googled simoon - Yes, I know, bu...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu May 21, 2020 10:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)
Replies: 15
Views: 539

What's the Point of Puddles? (v3)

. v3 What's the Point of Puddles? So, how long has it been do you think, since you've sploshed? And not some accidental ankling whilst running for the bus. But, given it both wellies, decided to commit, not side-stepped, with excuses, around the edge of it. Maybe you have forgotten how to measure o...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 18, 2020 12:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Biscuits
Replies: 8
Views: 325

Re: Biscuits

. Hi Trevor, my reaction is the same as Pauline's, so much potential (etymological, historical, political, comedic) but the current draft doesn't seem to know what it wants to achieve (the last verse seems particularly weak). Have you ever studied the biscuit, - if you're going to open with this li...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 17, 2020 6:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: before Life was Art
Replies: 14
Views: 430

Re: before Life was Art

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Hi Lotus.
lotus wrote:
Sun May 17, 2020 4:50 pm
an alternative opportunity to read The Title and then the next line in Grey
skipping the black italics
Indeed, and it is there I inopportunely stumble. :)
before Life was Art / often she reminisced
I think it's because I'm suspicious that often should be Often.

Regards, Not


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