Search found 1716 matches

by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 16, 2020 11:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: At a Distance (revision)
Replies: 5
Views: 173

Re: At a Distance

. Hi Eira, feels like two separate pieces to me (S1-3 and S4-7) that haven't come together successfully ... yet. I like the fiery 'ablaze' but then there's the damp squib of 'blossomed' (couldn't April be doing something equally incendiary to the trees?) and 'confetti' doesn't lead anywhere. Is the...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 16, 2020 11:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: La Belle dame sans Merci
Replies: 8
Views: 435

Re: La Belle dame sans Merci

. Hi Tony, not keen on the title (why isn't it updated along with the rest of the language.) For me, the lack of characterisation is a weakness and the ending (s10-12) suffers as a consequence. Not inclined to invest emotionally in the 'handsome man'. There doesn't seem to be enough of you in the p...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu May 14, 2020 11:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: before Life was Art
Replies: 14
Views: 430

Re: before Life was Art

. Hi Lotus (and welcome back), a poetic joke? Virtually a one-liner. If so, I like it. If not, I still like it. :) But I don't understand why the last line is in the same font as the title (and your signature). You'll have your reasons, I'm sure, but they're eluding me. Should it be 'nor even' (L2)...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 13, 2020 4:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Jilted
Replies: 6
Views: 334

Re: Jilted

. Hi Lotus, good to be read by you. I don't know how much it will help, but, here's the main cast, bar one ... :) Kresilas ( c. 480 – c. 410 BC) - sculptor in the Classical period best known for his statue of Pericles Clio - the Muse of History (mother of Hymen, sister of the narrator ) Archytas (4...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 13, 2020 1:11 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetry kit x1
Replies: 3
Views: 355

Re: Poetry kit x1

.
Yes, congrats Tristan.
Macavity wrote:
Wed May 13, 2020 1:07 am
(in its finalised version!)
Ah, but is it? :)

Regards, Not

.
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 13, 2020 1:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Spring in the Hollow
Replies: 7
Views: 414

Re: Spring in the Hollow

. Hi Suzanne, improved, I think, but perhaps still some polishing to do? S2/L2, still seems both ambiguous and clunky to me (but likely I'm a minority of one :) ) 'Was is the water ... ' is excellent. Any alternative to the repetition of 'we'd' in S4, and something more interesting than 'soft' (won...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue May 12, 2020 3:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Baby Steps
Replies: 8
Views: 305

Re: Baby Steps

. Hi T, there's not enough about N's condition to make the comparison between the two work (but I like the idea). The 'pain' in the final sentence seems without much in the way of explanation. It's too easy to misread N's state for simply being exhausted by parenting rather than something more 'med...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 11, 2020 12:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Jilted
Replies: 6
Views: 334

Jilted

. Jilted* You can douse those torches, nephew and stop your singing. My sister, your mother, has come to her senses. The wedding is off. I'd say it's because of the coffins, wouldn't you? All those years of plighting, nephew (such uncommon fidelity) and with what does he pitch up today? Him who wou...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 09, 2020 5:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Spring in the Hollow
Replies: 7
Views: 414

Re: Spring in the Hollow

. Hi Suzanne, love the ending (though not sure about the punctuation in S4, shouldn't those periods be commas?) S1. 'wedged' tips it over the edge, for me. I'd prefer something as expectation defying as 'open'. 'the' for 'that' (L3)? S2. like the first line, but the second is awkwardly constructed....
by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 09, 2020 4:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v4)

. Hi Suzanne, The topic brings an immediate emotional response, like trauma. My laughter should in no way be taken to mean my apology is not sincere. Sorry. :lol: Red Hatters was not as smooth as red hatted hero. I also don't believe they deserve capitalization no matter how aroggant they seem. Red...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 08, 2020 4:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Unintentionally
Replies: 2
Views: 216

Re: Unintentionally

. Hi Dante, this seems to lose its way in S5; 'dragonflies' followed by 'lace wings' (cf. lacewings), the lack of punctuation (anywhere, but especially) between 'blade' and 'that grass'. It's rather anticlimactic. Might it be worth considering swapping the order of S1 and S2? Makes for a much more ...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue May 05, 2020 12:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Attic
Replies: 3
Views: 236

Re: Attic

. Hi T, I think the meat of this is stanza five (and the final couplet) the rest isn't doing much for me. The implied violence/menace of battered, crippled, strangled, dead man in s5 are all interesting, as is the excellent lunatic bat (not to mention your current favourite 'sleeplessness'). So exp...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 04, 2020 12:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Without Explanation
Replies: 10
Views: 501

Re: Without Explanation

. Hi Trevor, Tristan, Tony, and (last and non-alliteratively) mac. Let me begin by saying, in the spirit of Priti Patel: I'm sorry if people feel there have been failings in the provision of answers to their questions. I will be very clear about that. But ... Trevor - Not sure if surreal plus expla...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 04, 2020 11:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v4)

.
Hi David,

thanks for the read, and, most importantly, getting the Frost allusion.
David wrote:
Sun May 03, 2020 6:46 pm
I suspect Trump might well be exactly the sort of president that Frost would have approved of.
Now there's a depressing thought, but one with which, I suspect, it would be difficult to argue.

Regards, Not

.
by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 03, 2020 2:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Without Explanation
Replies: 10
Views: 501

Re: Without Explanation

. Hi Tristan, JJ. Thanks for the read. Well, I think it needs an explanation :D . I'll give it a while longer. :) It's one of those I'd enjoy reading and thinking about on a plane. Is that you're way of saying never, JJ? When do you think you're getting on a plane again? :) Regards both, Not .
by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 03, 2020 2:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v4)

.
Thanks for returning Tristan.
I'll chance my arm with the Frost allusion for a little longer, see if anyone bites. If not, well ...
at least now I've got options. :)

Thanks again.

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 03, 2020 1:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 22
Views: 906

Re: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)

...Ah, S3 is loaded with piping, ring, sing, spring and only one of them is a gerund. It may be overloaded. I was playing with the sonics. don't want to baffle you with technicalities, JJ, and (ignoring ring/spring) 'sing' is the only one of those (ings) that is stressed, that's why it trips me up ...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 03, 2020 1:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adrift
Replies: 8
Views: 335

Re: Adrift

. Hi T. I think it's mainly a case of 'too many too close together' for me. The strong images get a bit lost/diluted among the weaker ones. For instance, you start with the terrific 'the weeks were watercolour' but then end with the, really quite boring, 'dingy days'. (days could have sent you back...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 01, 2020 12:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adrift
Replies: 8
Views: 335

Re: Adrift

. Hi Trevor, as with the Cottage Pie, some great lines made to suffer for a lack of editing. It meanders a bit too much for me, but then that might suit the topic/experience and in that sense the title works. I particularly like the two metaphors of 'watercolour' and 'a dying fish' (which I don't t...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 01, 2020 11:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Vital Signs (v2)
Replies: 9
Views: 429

Re: Vital Signs (v2)

.
Hi Tony,
any place in particular you'd start pruning?

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 30, 2020 2:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Vital Signs (v2)
Replies: 9
Views: 429

Re: Vital Signs (v2)

.
Thanks T,
appreciate the explanation, will ponder.

Regards, Not



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by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 30, 2020 1:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Without Explanation
Replies: 10
Views: 501

Without Explanation

.
Without Explanation


At the Zoo
were lots of questions
about how the silverback gorilla
came to have his hat and coat.

Returning
late from lunch, no-one said
a word about the banana
he left hanging on his hook.



.
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 30, 2020 11:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1171

Re: The Promised Land (v3)

.
Hi JJ,
thanks very, very much.
JJWilliamson wrote:
Thu Apr 30, 2020 8:50 am
you're not quite there yet.
OK, great sage, how's about this then? V4 up.

Thanks again JJ, much appreciated.

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 30, 2020 11:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Vital Signs (v2)
Replies: 9
Views: 429

Re: Vital Signs (v2)

. Greetings Luke. Didn't realise parenthood was so deliterious to one's memory. Regardless, welcome back. I liked this very much, only I thought it got a little preachy and convoluted near the end. Glad you enjoyed it. I think I can live with preachy and convoluted :) if, as you say, the humour, co...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 30, 2020 10:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bouquet Garni (Was April)
Replies: 10
Views: 512

Re: April

. Hi Luke, good to read you again. Hope you and yours are well. Lots to like, but, oh, so many questions :) For instance, is 'April' a part of 'winter' (or the child's name)? And what's the reason 'I'd ask you not to ... ' And to whom/what is the offering made? This month we make an offering: ... -...