In Joan's Garden

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Lovely
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In Joan's Garden

Post by Lovely » Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:05 am

The spirits of the elms look in wonder, dressed in deep purple
robes, upon their chests fine golden pendants in the shape
of bunches of their trees fruit hanging like golden chains and plums
around their necks. Or, the holly's genius dressed with green
bestrewed with fiery red berries which shoot out aureate jets of
light---- stars in love. The angels of the ivy, wrapped in wreathes
and coils of its own tendrils on which grow white blooms large
as roses. Here is the poplar's guardian in her deep red-frock
purple, with flower, milky white in her milkyway the stars surrender
for perfumed delight. Her hair is dark her locks are white.......


There is the nymph of the Birch tree, a most beautiful maiden
dressed in the yellow of a rose light spraying her dreams about
where gentle poet eyes tender kiss the heavens' up. There are,
too, the attendants of the Elder tree in deep purple; the Mountain
Ash in intense blue; the Pine in rainbow colours, a radiant flower in
her tresses, shining over her head like a halo; and the Yew in gold
mixed with azure, tiny elfin shapes clinging to her hair or sitting
on her shoulders. There was beings for each tree and flower in this
secret garden.


In the air resound the mellow notes of the woodlark and blackcap,
the springing tones of goldfinch and linnet with occasional plaintive
note of the robin red as the deepest rose I've ever seen. And there were
too, the spirits of the Box tree in deep cream robes, of the lime in
beautiful yellow, gold-coloured diamond; of the Ash in deep plum
fading into soft green mauved downwards

arunansu
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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by arunansu » Sun Nov 01, 2009 12:58 pm

Watch out for your punct in L3. I feel there should be a comma after "trees".

Please leave out the "I've ever seen" in S3L3.

STANDING OVATION for the rest! You deserve kudos for such a classic piece of writing. Definitely one of the best that I have read in this Forum.

Thanks.

tool
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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by tool » Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:31 am

lovely

one nit (of branches of) maybe carless, also i notice in your poems,there is a fight going on somewhere

they are so much passion

the rest profound, it evoke me to see your poetic faculty

you have an child of inner beauty,tormented nobility,

agony over ecstasy.

Lovely
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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Lovely » Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:38 pm

Jesus christ chaps thanks for this.......wow!

Today's motto: leave the (false ego) alone, and dance like a Shaman...please, ever please

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Ros » Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:38 pm

Rather a lot of fairies in there for me, but you have some great colours.

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Lovely
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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Lovely » Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:42 pm

Thanks all. It is a quick response here.

Ross, it is what I truly saw. Simple here...nothing but simple.

Aru, thanks for the 'ovation' I do not deserve. I am nothing ever.

Tool ....these are kind hearts in words for you.

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by David » Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:30 pm

You were born 200 years too late, L, weren't you. I can imagine you in Van's song ...

Did you ever hear about
Did you ever hear about
Did you ever hear about
Wordsworth and Coleridge, baby?
Did you ever hear about Wordsworth and Coleridge?
They were smokin' up in Kendal
By the lakeside


Cheers

David

Lovely
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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Lovely » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:48 am

Hey David. Thank you. You write so slick. How do you drip it of your pen or fingers David.

Thank You.

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Lovely » Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:12 am

David I know you are pissed..But always like you ever.


Motto: If you can't be yourself, then what are you?

Lake
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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Lake » Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:52 am

Which lake, David?

Lovely,

The garden is so rich and colorful, but a bit wonderland to me.
What about your garden or a neighbor's garden? That would evoke more resonance.

Anyway, it is a relaxation reading this garden.

Thanks for the read.

Lake

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by David » Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:45 pm

Am I pissed? Am I angry? Am I the worse for wear?

None of the above, just at present.

Tout va bien.

Lake, I think it might be Windermere, but I shall check.

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Arian » Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:21 pm

Your usual purple prose - this time almost literally!

As Ros says, some nice other colours, too.

cheers
peter

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Lovely » Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:38 pm

I will never leave you people don't worry.

Thanks all for your comments wishes and thoughts. Also David, thank you friend.

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Michelle » Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:54 pm

upon their chests fine golden pendants in the shape
of bunches of their trees fruit hanging like golden chains and plums
The first two lines were beautiful and drew me in, but this line makes it seem a bit prosy.'Of bunches of their trees fruit' doesn't sit well grammatically, I'd change it...probably to 'of bunches of their fruit' especially since you already introduced them as the elm's spirit.
purple, with flower, milky white in her milkyway the stars surrender
Semi-colon after milkyway?
for perfumed delight. Her hair is dark her locks are white.......
I didn't understand how her hair was dark and her locks white, since usually locks are hair, but I'm probably just being thick.

There is the nymph of the Birch tree, a most beautiful maiden
dressed in the yellow of a rose light spraying her dreams about
Comma after rose?
where gentle poet eyes tender kiss the heavens' up. There are,
I think you mean tenderly instead of tender and you don't need the apostrophe after 'heavens' because then it seems like the 'heavens' have ownership of 'up'.
on her shoulders. There was beings for each tree and flower in this
This should either be 'there were beings' or 'there are beings' I'm leaning toward 'there are beings' because the rest of the poem is in present tense.

In the air resound the mellow notes of the woodlark and blackcap,
This line would sound better, to me at least, if resound were at the end. 'In the air the mellow notes of the woodlark and blackcap resound'.
the springing tones of goldfinch and linnet with occasional plaintive
In this and the above line, you start to make a list, so I think instead of 'with' here, you should just add another comma. Then it would read 'goldfinch and linnet, and the occasional'. That should help it flow quite nicely.
fading into soft green mauved downwards
Period after downwards?

Sorry for such a lengthy post, but I did really enjoy this and thought just a couple of tweaks could really help to improve this. I particularly like 'aureate jets of light'. Lovely, Lovely!
Can a selfish egocentric jealous and unimaginative female write a damn thing worthwhile?
-Sylvia Plath

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Lovely » Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:07 pm

Don't worry. Your comments are ever welcome and warmly felt within me.

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Emmanuel » Mon May 07, 2018 11:21 pm

This poem was originally published as prose in 1949 in a slim book entitled Symphonie Fantastique; the real author was J. Michaud PhD, who died in 1961. You may read it freely in its entirety here http://www.occult-mysteries.org/symfan/symfan01.html. Begin reading at the fifth paragraph to find the portion quoted by the OP.

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by David » Tue May 08, 2018 6:31 pm

Are all "Lovely's" poems actually J. Michaud's, Emmanul? How strange. And interesting. I'm not aware we've ever had a plagiarism issue here before. Lovely no longer active, I believe.

But how did you track him down? Is it a sort of Buffy the Plagiarist Hunter thing?

Cheers

David

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Emmanuel » Fri May 11, 2018 4:53 pm

David,

As of this writing, Lovely has 2195 posts. And as I have neither the time nor the inclination to check them all, I cannot say whether all of "his" poems are plagiarized or not. What I can say is that they are not all purloined from the works of J. Michaud.

"Hefas, AIo, Ahi!" is a very uncommon phrase. A Google search for it in quotation marks returns exactly five results.

Yours,

Emmanuel

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Re: In Joan's Garden

Post by Ros » Sun May 13, 2018 2:32 pm

Thank you for letting us know, Emmanuel. Yes, it's very similar.
Lovely was banned a while back, though not for plagiarism. If he was still active, I'd be inclined to take action, but since the whole Lovely event was some years ago it's probably best to let the whole thing die now.

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