death at the yo-yo factory

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John G
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death at the yo-yo factory

Post by John G » Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:17 am

I've seen the decimation of a town
when it's specialist industry closes

that yo-yo factory where workers hung themselves from lampposts
and bounced up and down

up and down.
Last edited by John G on Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.

Antcliff
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Re: death at the yo-yo factory

Post by Antcliff » Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:21 pm

Enjoyed this, John. :D

I'm not sure I know what it really amounts to (as a comment). But in this case it seems to be part of the appeal.

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Ros
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Re: death at the yo-yo factory

Post by Ros » Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:14 pm

Yup, with Seth on this. Interesting image, not sure where it goes. You don't need the '

Ros
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champion
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Re: death at the yo-yo factory

Post by champion » Mon Jul 01, 2013 3:18 pm

Hello John.
I enjoyed the macabre quirkiness of this too.
For me, it had a Tim Burton black humour appeal to it, and I could imagine it as the opening scene to a story or a film in the vein of Scissorhands and Beetlejuice.
I liked the way the long third line hurried the poem along to its grim conclusion, and the repetition of 'up and down' was a nicely chosen finale, that I felt clearly created the ghoulish image of the 'human yo-yo's' left to swing in the wind to their own devices.
Cheers
Robbie.

David Smedley
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Re: death at the yo-yo factory

Post by David Smedley » Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:50 pm

I've seen the decimation of a town
when it's specialist industry closes

that yo-yo factory where the workers hung themselves from lampposts
and just bounced up and down

up and down.
John couple of thoughts, the word "the" in line 3 could probably go, and also the word "just"in line 4.
people are usually "hung" with rope, which has no elasticity to make them "bounce"

I like the thought of the "lampposts" being a kind of move in yoyoing like rock the baby.

seeya.D

John G
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Re: death at the yo-yo factory

Post by John G » Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:04 pm

hi all -

Ros and Seth, thanks for the feedback. Your right, it doesn't really go anywhere but I rather like the fact its relatively self contained and needs little explanation (I hope...), also Ros, have made the it's amended.

Champion, thanks, glad you liked the imagery!

David, thanks for the pointers, duly noted and changed. And of course you're right about the hanging body not bouncing up and down but if they didn't, it would have ruined the concept!! an I never said they hung themselves with rope, they hung themselves with elastic bands they fashioned together... :wink:
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.

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Re: death at the yo-yo factory

Post by Macavity » Tue Jul 02, 2013 7:22 am

hi John

Great image for a reader to attach a meaning. As an active quality that goes beyond the medium.

excellent

mac

Nash

Re: death at the yo-yo factory

Post by Nash » Tue Jul 02, 2013 8:15 am

John G wrote:I rather like the fact its relatively self contained and needs little explanation
So do I, John. I think the fact that the poem contains that single absurdist image is part of it's strength and why I like your work so much.

As for the 'bouncing' problem previously raised, it works for me as it brings to mind the whole "dancing the Tyburn jig" thing - which makes the image all the more macabre.

Cheers,
Nash.

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