Arachnaphobe

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ton321
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Arachnaphobe

Post by ton321 » Fri Oct 07, 2016 11:36 pm

Revision 1

You've been spinning your web forever,
your limbs full of cunning-
wicked fingers, like points of the compass
where every way is evil.

You will wait until the towns and cities
are gone to rubble,
until humanity has completely done itself in,

and dust yourself down.
You are the blind old woman with cataract-eyes
knitting with your leg-needles,

singing an unheard song, pitched beyond human hearing
like a dog whistle, keening in the breeze,
biding your time, as patient
as the dark heart of stone.

Then with the practiced art of experience
you gather a cup from the kitchen
a piece of paper
expertly dispose of the spider through the window.


Original

A spider, on the wall behind your head!

Facing perfectly down, as if on a plumb line,
still as a tattoo,
its eight legs spread in perfect poise.

Not big enough to really frighten, this is no
Tarantula, or Funnel-Web that can grab rodents and rabbits,
but there's something about its long limbs and
its patient aspect;

You've been spinning your web forever,
your limbs full of cunning-
wicked fingers, like points of the compass
where every way is evil.

You will wait until the towns and cities
are gone to rubble,
until humanity has completely done itself in,

and dust yourself down.
You are the blind old woman with cataract-eyes
knitting with your leg-needles,

singing an unheard song, pitched beyond human hearing
like a dog whistle, keening in the breeze,
biding your time, as patient
as the dark heart of stone.

All this in a flash
in my domestic living room.

-Don't kill it, you said.

Then with the practiced art of experience
you gather a cup from the kitchen
a piece of paper
expertly dispose of the spider through the window.
Last edited by ton321 on Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves

Macavity
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Re: Arachnaphobe

Post by Macavity » Sat Oct 08, 2016 4:01 am

:lol: How to dispose of the beasties!
there's something about its patient aspect
Agreed...like that phrase by the way. Perhaps the second use pf patient - used in one of your similes - could be axed.

As usual with your writing, some 'wild' imagery to 'comprehend'...or just accept that the poem came in a flash...stream of consciousness writing. Therefore I won't comment on structure :wink:

best

mac

Lou
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Re: Arachnaphobe

Post by Lou » Sat Oct 08, 2016 3:18 pm

Spiders only frighten (in the UK) if they are big. I think your beastie would grab the attention more if it's a whopper. I love the legs as knitting needles, a fine image. Are spiders really patient or are they able to switch off for long periods as they wait for prey?

Best,
Lou

David
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Re: Arachnaphobe

Post by David » Sat Oct 08, 2016 6:33 pm

I would like this poem like this, ton. What do you think?

You've been spinning your web forever,
your limbs full of cunning-
wicked fingers, like points of the compass
where every way is evil.

You will wait until the towns and cities
are gone to rubble,
until humanity has completely done itself in,

and dust yourself down.
You are the blind old woman with cataract-eyes
knitting with your leg-needles,

singing an unheard song, pitched beyond human hearing
like a dog whistle, keening in the breeze,
biding your time, as patient
as the dark heart of stone.

Then with the practiced art of experience
you gather a cup from the kitchen
a piece of paper
expertly dispose of the spider through the window.

Cheers

David

ton321
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Re: Arachnaphobe

Post by ton321 » Sun Oct 09, 2016 5:30 pm

Thanks Mac, and Lou for your comments. Cutting out the first couple of strophes does make it a lot better, cheers David!
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves

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