Cat Long (revision)

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bjondon
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Cat Long (revision)

Post by bjondon » Mon Oct 14, 2019 5:43 pm

There's more than one way to skin a cat
to swing a cat, to scam a cat
to dress a cat, to break a cat down
to bring a cat to book, to make a bad cat
come good, to turn a cat
to get inside a cat's flaps, to become
the top cat
in the cattiest of all towns

Such a cat spits in the winds
sits in the super sin spins angles
percentages - cat bites dog - all of a sudden
he's a high hat long hog - you ain't been played
Catahoola woof! - Sure, a cat can growl
in a catgut purr-lined bright bad yowl
but I ain't never yet heard one yip yap yet





V1

There's more than one way to skin a cat
to swing a cat, to scam a cat
to dress a cat, to break a cat down
to bring a cat to book, to make a bad cat
come good, to turn a cat
to get inside a cat's flaps, to become
the top cat
in the cattiest of all towns

Such a cat spits in the winds
the hot tin roof catch as cat can
cream of soup sin spins, screams and yowls
in the catgut purr-lined bright bad
growls of another dawn in another day
in the deepest dark bowels of a hell cat heaven-scented
opportune ~
played in the way
only the smelliest of smelly cats can play
Last edited by bjondon on Mon Dec 23, 2019 1:18 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Macavity
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Re: Cat Long

Post by Macavity » Tue Oct 15, 2019 1:15 pm

Full on cat poem Jules! I usually look to you to explain poems, but since this is your poem...

S1 seemed that most unlikely of achievements...a focus on outwitting a cat...made me think of Top Cat (the opportunist).

S2 sped along - not sure about soup, but I get the cream - and growls nudges thoughts of dogs - in the end, besides the sonic play - I wasn't able to grasp the poem's intent

sorry not much help

best

mac

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Re: Cat Long

Post by NotQuiteSure » Tue Oct 15, 2019 1:55 pm

.
Hi Jules,
also baffled, but pleasantly so. Is this really one poem, or two separate pieces?
I liked the pace' of S1 (though wonder if you missed 'kick a cat (down the road)'
and 'sack a cat' ?) but S2 (and the soup) don't work as well, to me - though
in the catgut purr-lined bright bad is excellent. (Catgut always sends me to
violins though). Not convinced by the 'Friends/Phoebe' reference.

Also wondered why it didn't start

Cat Long

spits in the winds, pussyfooting
on the hot tin roof, catch as cat can ...
...
in this, the cattiest of all the towns



Should it be to break a big cat down (if only for the rhythm)?
It does feel like there should be a line added after this, to return
one to the list of things one can do (even if it's a repetition of
more ways than one).


Regards, Not


.

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Re: Cat Long

Post by JJWilliamson » Fri Oct 18, 2019 8:11 am

Hi, Jules

I've been meaning to get to this amazingly quirky poem for a few days now, but had to spend more time
trying to establish a premise. Still looking but also still enjoying.
bjondon wrote:
Mon Oct 14, 2019 5:43 pm
There's more than one way to skin a cat ...This opening idiomatic expression piqued my interest immediately, as if a great revelation was knocking at the door.
to swing a cat, to scam a cat
to dress a cat, to break a cat down
to bring a cat to book, to make a bad cat
come good, to turn a cat
to get inside a cat's flaps, to become
the top cat
in the cattiest of all towns ...I found myself smiling and enjoying this poem enormously by this stage, although where it was about to go was anybody's guess. :) Some delightful wordplay.

Such a cat spits in the winds ...I like the turn but struggle to follow the grammatical stream after this line. Maybe the lack of punctuation is hindering the flow, or perhaps the odd conjunction here and there would help to establish a clear movement from one image to the next. It depends on your original intent, of course, and maybe the zaniness is part of the attraction. It certainly has appeal.
the hot tin roof catch as cat can
cream of soup sin spins, screams and yowls
in the catgut purr-lined bright bad
growls of another dawn in another day
in the deepest dark bowels of a hell cat heaven-scented
opportune ~
played in the way
only the smelliest of smelly cats can play ...Wonderful rhythms throughout
Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Post by MilesTugeau » Sat Dec 14, 2019 1:05 am

.
Last edited by MilesTugeau on Wed Jan 01, 2020 1:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Cat Long

Post by sleepystupid » Sat Dec 14, 2019 10:29 am

hi bjondon,

still green here, so i don't have much to suggest, but i wanted to thank you for delightfully reminding me of how magical words are. the tempo, cadence and flavor drive this story in a way prose never could.

looking forward to your works ahead (:


all the best, ss.

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Re: Cat Long

Post by bjondon » Sat Dec 14, 2019 5:14 pm

Thank you mac, Not, JJ, Miles and sleepy
and shame on me for not responding earlier
- Miles, thank you for delving down the board
and pulling this one up.

I suppose I'm a bit stuck - S2 is definitely substandard,
but I've been struggling to reconnect with whatever
blast of oofle dust blew this out of me.

In terms of intent - mac, you make the pertinent point
that this begins with a cat being outwitted - What was
in my mind was the idea of 'scamming the scammer' and
this could be described as a victory 'wiggle' dance played
out as a sort of word jazz solo, melding the noise and
character of the cat and the saxophone. . . . So I'm delighted
with your concerted enthusiasm for the sound of the words.

Perhaps there is some mileage in the whole cat/dog thing
. . . Can a saxophone bark?

I do think clichés can be made to sing - seem to have got away with it in S1

Not - thanks for picking up on the one good line in S2.
I am fond of the sonic roll of the final smelly cat line.
I half agree with you that it hits the wrong note, but maybe
with a twist in the run up . . .

JJ - you are tapping into the exact spirit I wanted, and glad you
liked the 'turn' - Yes, it goes downhill from there!

Miles - I might take that Catahoola (woof) :)

sleepy - welcome (back) to the forum. Glad you liked this.
Music is the key here but words are not paint or notes,
they all, gloriously, have a meaning. Quite how fast and
loose I can play with that meaning is one of the things
I am wrestling with. Your comments encourage me to
think, quite fast! (but not too loose :) )

Thanks again all,
Jules
Last edited by bjondon on Mon Dec 16, 2019 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Cat Long (revision)

Post by bjondon » Mon Dec 16, 2019 2:13 pm

V2 up.
Heading in the right direction?

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Re: Cat Long (revision)

Post by Macavity » Mon Dec 16, 2019 4:43 pm

You are probably bored with me saying this Jules, but I think you need to apply the handbrake and continue with the clarity of S1.

As you say...
Music is the key here but words are not paint or notes,
they all, gloriously, have a meaning.
Of S2:
Such a cat spits in the winds
sits in the super sin spins angles
percentages - cat bites dog - all of a sudden...like that, but without the ?
he's a high hat long hog - you ain't been played.........the animal ref. is plenty with cat/dog
Sweet Jesus and a little mishap...............that line does nothing for me
Catahoola woof! - Sure, a cat can growl
in a catgut purr-lined bright bad yowl
but I ain't never heard one single one yip yap yet...a bit flat, could finish on yowl
Of course, it could just be that this reader is not as clever as you want your readers to be!

hope that helps some

mac

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Re: Cat Long (revision)

Post by Poet » Sun Dec 22, 2019 12:21 am

bjondon wrote:
Mon Oct 14, 2019 5:43 pm
There's more than one way to skin a cat
to swing a cat, to scam a cat
to dress a cat, to break a cat down
to bring a cat to book, to make a bad cat
come good, to turn a cat
to get inside a cat's flaps, to become
the top cat
in the cattiest of all towns (Reminds me of a children's poem, green eggs with ham)

Such a cat spits in the winds
sits in the super sin spins angles
percentages - cat bites dog? - all of a sudden
he's a high hat long hog - you ain't been played
Sweet Jesus and a little mishap (This does nothing for me, like why write this line?)
Catahoola woof! - Sure, a cat can growl
in a catgut purr-lined bright bad yowl
but I ain't never yet heard one yip yip yap (Yowl is also needed here!)





V1

There's more than one way to skin a cat
to swing a cat, to scam a cat
to dress a cat, to break a cat down
to bring a cat to book, to make a bad cat
come good, to turn a cat
to get inside a cat's flaps, to become
the top cat
in the cattiest of all towns

Such a cat spits in the winds
the hot tin roof catch as cat can
cream of soup sin spins, screams and yowls
in the catgut purr-lined bright bad
growls of another dawn in another day
in the deepest dark bowels of a hell cat heaven-scented
opportune ~
played in the way
only the smelliest of smelly cats can play
Anyway I though your piece had some potential, it make me feel like a kid again everytime I read this.

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Re: Cat Long (revision)

Post by Sid » Sun Dec 22, 2019 6:40 am

A carcophony
of catatonic cats
catapult
towards
Catastrophe.
Meow.

BJ
Although I have a cat I’m not really fond on cat poems. Unless of course it’s Dr Seuss. With that in mind it is with caution that I would recommend tackling this subject matter.

You did however inspire me to respond in kind!
Like the imprint left, an effect on your being - beautiful, wonderful, succinct.

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Re: Cat Long (revision)

Post by bjondon » Mon Dec 23, 2019 1:35 pm

Much appreciated mac, Poet and Sid

mac - yes, the 'mishap' line just there for the rhyme; an insufficiently feline fill.
The Poetry Society's newsletter's comp just announced a new theme… Cats!

Poet - that's one of the best things anyone has said about one of my pieces - a definite encouragement to get it finished.

Sid - your 'reluctant' praise counts double!
And your poemette raised a smile - it may even be better than mine :)

Jules

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Re: Cat Long (revision)

Post by ton321 » Sat Dec 28, 2019 2:16 am

Hi Bj

Lots to like in here in this freewheeling, playful piece.Also some nice sonics going on esp in the last 3 lines. It feels like its an improvised piece of cat-jazz.
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves

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Re: Cat Long (revision)

Post by bjondon » Mon Dec 30, 2019 5:23 pm

Thanks for dropping by Tony - this is a sweet
little toy but I feel sure it's meant to do something
more.
Glad you liked those last three.
Jules

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