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You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2019 5:10 am
by Poet
I’ve been through this life before, been banging heads
to the wall, been singing my heart out to the gods in
the sky, been wondering to myself how the fuck am I
so stupid? I wander through life as a poster boy being
alive in the day time but slowly dying in the pitch black
night, I’ve been telling myself that I will be alright, I will
be alright, but it looks like I’ve been telling lies to myself

The world will slowly burn us out with no memory of ourselves
will ever be ingrained in our minds when we are dead
Do you think that its alright if I bash my head on the wall some
more? Do you wonder if its ok if I tell myself I will be fine
more and more and more and more! I don’t know what
the world will be like in a billion years, I don’t know you

I cannot smell the earth but only the air I breathe, I think
you might be on to something here my friend, as you listen
to the meander of a poem I speak about as life is a bitch.

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 8:39 pm
by Poet
Comments please!

Posted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 9:13 pm
by MilesTugeau
.

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:21 am
by Poet
MilesTugeau wrote:
Tue Dec 24, 2019 9:13 pm
Hi Poet,

Might be others are loathe to comment because, as L1 suggests, you've had multiple heads and they're not sure of which one they'd be addressing. :)

On another level, imagine a book filled with gloomy poems--there's enough misery glutting the airwaves and newsprint daily, to satisfy most folks requirements. And editors of poetry journals would like to keep their subscribers.

There's a place for neurotic poetry, perhaps not here. I don't know; I'm new here.


Best, Miles
So this poem to you is gloomy? By the way the poem is supposed to be called "You've Heard This Before Haven't You" instead of the previous one.

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 7:40 am
by MilesTugeau
.

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 5:46 pm
by Poet
MilesTugeau wrote:
Fri Dec 27, 2019 7:40 am
Hi Poet,

Gloomy? Maybe not, after all it's 2019 and depression is the new jubilation. :lol:


Best, Miles
Haha ok I see what you mean, why would depression be the new jubilation?

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 9:45 pm
by MilesTugeau
.

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 5:17 pm
by bjondon
This is a curious one Poet, and I am beginning to like
it - the cadence, the internal rhymes, the whole cussed
bad-tempered attitude of it.
At first it did just feel like a fast written diary entry,
emotion all over the place but very little for the reader
to hang on to - in fact it feels like it's almost cursing
the imaginary reader - but that uncompromising feel
makes the anger and despair more real.
Not sure if S3 is working . . . it starts well though.

Jules

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 7:04 pm
by sleepystupid
hi Poet,

forgive my ignorance as i am new here, but i have some thoughts/questions that may help.

i'm struggling to see past the angst in this poem, though perhaps there is something deeper that i'm missing. the admission of uncertainty in the last lines of S2, about the world and presumably the reader, leads me to believe there is hope to escape the cyclical frustration?

addressing and therefore including the reader in your pain feels a bit presumptuous .. i would like to share this emotion with you, but i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be sharing.

i'm in agreement with Jules - i love the first line of S3, but again i'm not sure what i'm "on to" just yet.


all the best, ss.
Poet wrote:
Sun Dec 22, 2019 5:10 am
I’ve been through this life before, been banging heads ---
to the wall, been singing my heart out to the gods in --- repetition of "been" isn't doing much for me here
the sky, been wondering to myself how the fuck am I ---
so stupid? I wander through life as a poster boy being
alive in the day time but slowly dying in the pitch black
night, I’ve been telling myself that I will be alright, I will
be alright, but it looks like I’ve been telling lies to myself

The world will slowly burn us out and a no memory of ourselves --- is "a no memory" intentional?
will ever be ingrained in our minds when we are dead
Do you think that its alright if I bash my head on the wall some
more? Do you wonder if its ok if I tell myself I will be fine
more and more and more and more! I don’t know what
the world will be like in a billion years, I don’t know you

I cannot smell the earth but only the air I breathe, I think
you might be on to something here my friend, as you listen
to the meander of a poem I speak about as life is a bitch.

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 3:41 am
by Poet
bjondon wrote:
Mon Dec 30, 2019 5:17 pm
This is a curious one Poet, and I am beginning to like
it - the cadence, the internal rhymes, the whole cussed
bad-tempered attitude of it.
At first it did just feel like a fast written diary entry,
emotion all over the place but very little for the reader
to hang on to - in fact it feels like it's almost cursing
the imaginary reader - but that uncompromising feel
makes the anger and despair more real.
Not sure if S3 is working . . . it starts well though.

Jules
Thanks Jules and yeah this poem I feel has a lot of emotion in it, it's more than some pseudo-textbook diary poem. Do you read confessional poetry? I am going for that. Do you mind if I post a revision on the poem? Also the title is supposed to be originally "You Heard This Before Haven't You"

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 3:49 am
by Poet
sleepystupid wrote:
Mon Dec 30, 2019 7:04 pm
hi Poet,

forgive my ignorance as i am new here, but i have some thoughts/questions that may help.

i'm struggling to see past the angst in this poem, though perhaps there is something deeper that i'm missing. the admission of uncertainty in the last lines of S2, about the world and presumably the reader, leads me to believe there is hope to escape the cyclical frustration?

addressing and therefore including the reader in your pain feels a bit presumptuous .. i would like to share this emotion with you, but i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be sharing.

i'm in agreement with Jules - i love the first line of S3, but again i'm not sure what i'm "on to" just yet.


all the best, ss.
Poet wrote:
Sun Dec 22, 2019 5:10 am
I’ve been through this life before, been banging heads ---
to the wall, been singing my heart out to the gods in --- repetition of "been" isn't doing much for me here
the sky, been wondering to myself how the fuck am I ---
so stupid? I wander through life as a poster boy being
alive in the day time but slowly dying in the pitch black
night, I’ve been telling myself that I will be alright, I will
be alright, but it looks like I’ve been telling lies to myself

The world will slowly burn us out and a no memory of ourselves --- is "a no memory" intentional?
will ever be ingrained in our minds when we are dead
Do you think that its alright if I bash my head on the wall some
more? Do you wonder if its ok if I tell myself I will be fine
more and more and more and more! I don’t know what
the world will be like in a billion years, I don’t know you

I cannot smell the earth but only the air I breathe, I think
you might be on to something here my friend, as you listen
to the meander of a poem I speak about as life is a bitch.
It's alright you can share the emotion with me, I was just feeling inspired by a few poems that I was reading on some journals online when I wrote this poem so you see you can definitely find that I was writing something that I felt would be confessional and yet powerful at the same time.

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 3:56 am
by Poet
I've made a slight revision on the poem based on the critiques of sleepystupid

I’ve been through this life before, been banging heads
to the wall, been singing my heart out to the gods in
the sky, I’m wondering to myself how the fuck am I
so stupid? I wander through life as a poster boy being
alive in the day time but slowly dying in the pitch black
night, I’ve been telling myself that I will be alright, I will
be alright, but it looks like I’ve been telling lies to myself

The world will slowly burn us out with no memory of ourselves
will ever be ingrained in our minds when we are dead
Do you think that its alright if I bash my head on the wall some
more? Do you wonder if its ok if I tell myself I will be fine
more and more and more and more! I don’t know what
the world will be like in a billion years, I don’t know you

I cannot smell the earth but only the air I breathe, I think
you might be on to something here my friend, as you listen
to the meander of a poem I speak about as life is a bitch.

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2020 3:36 am
by camus
Beejessus I thought for a moment I'd posted this in a drunken pseudo momentary lapse of reason. But i didn't, you did, who ever you are?

Stop me if you think you've heard this one before...

I've stopped.

Cheers

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2020 7:32 am
by Poet
camus wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 3:36 am
Beejessus I thought for a moment I'd posted this in a drunken pseudo momentary lapse of reason. But i didn't, you did, who ever you are?

Stop me if you think you've heard this one before...

I've stopped.

Cheers
Um what? Lol are you being funny?

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:48 pm
by camus

Code: Select all

Um what? Lol are you being funny?
Apparently not! lol.

I was quoting Morrissey, the Smith's song "Stop me if you think you've heard this one before"

Not of much use, then again neither is Morrissey these days.

Cheers
Camus

Re: You've Heard This One Before Haven't You

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:30 am
by Poet
camus wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:48 pm

Code: Select all

Um what? Lol are you being funny?
Apparently not! lol.

I was quoting Morrissey, the Smith's song "Stop me if you think you've heard this one before"

Not of much use, then again neither is Morrissey these days.

Cheers
Camus
I looked up Morrissey recently and he is from a band, never heard of him till now.