On Impressive Glass Doorways

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Jackie
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On Impressive Glass Doorways

Post by Jackie » Sat Apr 04, 2020 2:11 pm

we don’t plan
doorways
or sneezes
how to be out
yes
and how to be in
but what happens
in the betweens
is figmental
mask up well
for the surreal flip

Amadis
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:54 pm

Re: On Impressive Glass Doorways

Post by Amadis » Mon Jun 29, 2020 10:11 am

A strong opening, Jackie
"We Dont plan doorways, or sneezes", had me chuckling and interested straight away.
I think the Doorway may represent life, sneezes happen, then going out death.
You could make that clearer with some imagery.

The two ending lines confused me, as it seemed you were just starting to set the scene, then jumped ahead to a previously not mentioned conclusion.
You have an idea here, perhaps build upon it.

On Impressive Glass Doorways

Post by Jackie » Sun Apr 05, 2020 12:41 am
we don’t plan
doorways
or sneezes
how to be out
yes
and how to be in
but what happens
in the betweens
is figmental
mask up well
for the surreal flip

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