The world's most amazing amateur poet

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stuartryder
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The world's most amazing amateur poet

Post by stuartryder » Thu Oct 21, 2010 12:24 am

Thank you
for all your kind words -
I'll think on them,

as long as you love me
and my poem; I'll have
the bits you said were great

because I already knew they were,
and I'll respond to your crit,
just to say Yes,

isn't it good? The bits
you didn't like,
"I'll think on",

but not change.
And for those who didn't get
Me - I'll explain why I

went to all the bother
of cherry trees and cotton plants,
withered old men moseying

down the riverside, red kisses
following them, and I'll show
you the crispness of autumn leaves,

the pitch leaking from the sides of a boat.
While in my comfort I flick on my laptop,
loll, l'mao and wutuf'h! over my FB friends.

coffeedodger
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Re: The world's most amazing amateur poet

Post by coffeedodger » Thu Oct 21, 2010 12:41 am

Nice! Sums this place up imo. :twisted:

ray miller
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Re: The world's most amazing amateur poet

Post by ray miller » Thu Oct 21, 2010 5:15 pm

Reminds me of the Billy Collins poem about poetry critiquing towards the end.I think the last two lines are detracting rather than otherwise, they're unnecessary.I liked the two lines previous to those very much.Unless repeating "I'll think on" is making a clever point I should lose or alter one of them.Oh, yeah, the title's a bit naff.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

David
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Re: The world's most amazing amateur poet

Post by David » Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:29 pm

Rumbled! And / or skewered.

Good one, Stu. You had me smiling self-deprecatingly, and I hate doing that.

(Forgive the non-use of emoticons. I know it's desperately old-fashioned, but I gotta use words when I talk to you. If I can't express myself with them, I might as well give up.)

Cheers

David

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Re: The world's most amazing amateur poet

Post by k-j » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:43 pm

The title is lame, I don't see the point of using tercets, and like Ray says the last two lines are an eggy fart.

It's ho-hum until line 15 but from "I'll explain" to "a boat" it's a sympathetic sort of satire which I think works well.

You're right of course but it's a very easy target, isn't it.
fine words butter no parsnips

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Re: The world's most amazing amateur poet

Post by stuartryder » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:52 pm

k-j wrote:The title is lame, I don't see the point of using tercets, and like Ray says the last two lines are an eggy fart.

It's ho-hum until line 15 but from "I'll explain" to "a boat" it's a sympathetic sort of satire which I think works well.

You're right of course but it's a very easy target, isn't it.
Of course, but in the spirit of the poem I'll think on that and then leave it as it is :twisted:

Cheers

Stuart

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