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Preludes at 4 AM

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:22 am
by RCJames
She stormed
my dream windows,
amped up my pulse,
her sauciness offset
by shy eyelid flutter.

Slow river-flow in her voice,
not a hallucination,
she held breathless answers
to street ruckus in her hush.

She walked
with wispy nonchalance,
snuck quick looks over walls
not as barriers, but vantages
to a better view.

Across a Ukranian café table
we sent glances, suggesting
florid delights in the night ahead.
We entertained desire
with its ins, its outs, rapt,
alert to sensual spasms.

In an after-hours club,
carousers brushed by, brash,
blind to us.
A fight broke out, I intervened,
bottles crashed, chairs flew.
hostilities ceased, she moved
from the back
and lightly touched my arm.

I asked her to dance;
put off by the whip-lash
movements she demurred,
then bloomed inside me
with her own feline dance;
I embraced in thought her waist,
burgeoning, lithe as mist.

Pre-dawn at her fifth-floor walkup,
eros held us next to the kitchen bathtub.
Another request for a dance,
her lips pouted slyly,
and we waltzed slowly
to the center
of these recollections.

Re: Preludes at 4 AM

Posted: Sun Aug 04, 2019 3:39 am
by RCJames

Re: Preludes at 4 AM

Posted: Sun Aug 04, 2019 3:40 am
by RCJames
Int'resting lack of response

Re: Preludes at 4 AM

Posted: Sun Aug 04, 2019 12:51 pm
by twoleftfeet

I'm assuming this is a song lyric?
I enjoyed the dream-like flow.

One or two lines seemed a bit long,
e.g "eros held us next to the kitchen bathtub."

but I expect it will sound fine when sung.
The only suggestion I can make is change "assault" to "stormed" in L1?

Nice one

Re: Preludes at 4 AM

Posted: Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:04 pm
by RCJames
TLF - Thanks for the suggestions - I like "stormed." I hadn't thought of this as a song but, am learning that many pieces, some with alterations, can be put to song . Thanks again - RC

Re: Preludes at 4 AM

Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2019 11:08 pm
by riverrun
I liked how you solved the poem's whereabouts by using "to the center / of these recollections." because as the poem goes you voluntarily seem to not get too much attached, but at the same time you don't want to seem removed -- the state of contemplation while living the moment. It's always a risk: if we get too close we lose the contemplative state, if we move away we lose the instant -- "to the center of these recollections" I particularly love erotic (in stricto sensu) poems because I never know for sure of how much of fiction and reality I should embrace or give up to enjoy.


Re: Preludes at 4 AM

Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:37 am
by RCJames
riverrun - I like your take on the tension in that line between subjective and objective portrayal - good to remember - Thanks - RC