Gather Around Writers & Novelists

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
Post Reply
User avatar
Poet
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 230
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:50 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by Poet » Fri Jan 17, 2020 3:20 am

1.Poets, novelists, gather round,
we will talk about all things literary
Here we will begin speaking about
the world and where poetry and
novels stand for, exchange your
manuscripts and open up about
your feelings about how you feel
about your pieces, smell the fresh
aroma of coffee, tea, and pieces of
cheesecake when you are dealing
with your work, get critiques, figure
out how you will settle this work with
every edit or revise that your group will
speak about

2.Poets, novelists, will you make great devotion
on your work more often? Band together and
make the world a better place with your poetry
and novels

3.Ask how you are doing to each other
And poets and novelists, will you make
the great escape to your fantastical hearts

4.Find the road ahead of your poetic
or literary dreams, you may also speak
profoundly on what makes your poetry
tick and when you leave you will make
the world a better place for when you
go and leave the cafe or restaurant
after you have been discussing about
exchanged work. Did you read yours out
loud? That must have been exhilarating!

5.I think you may be the greatest writer
I have ever known, but at least you can
write, am I right?

User avatar
Poet
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 230
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:50 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by Poet » Mon Feb 03, 2020 6:38 am

Any thoughts?

capricorn
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 195
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2018 10:49 pm
Location: Birmingham UK

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by capricorn » Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:53 pm

Hi Poet,

I think this needs a lot of trimming back to hold the readers interest. I also find the numbering of stanzas rather distracting. Hope this helps.

Eira

User avatar
Poet
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 230
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:50 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by Poet » Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:36 pm

capricorn wrote:
Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:53 pm
Hi Poet,

I think this needs a lot of trimming back to hold the readers interest. I also find the numbering of stanzas rather distracting. Hope this helps.

Eira
How much trimming?

NotQuiteSure
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2008
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by NotQuiteSure » Tue Feb 25, 2020 4:49 pm

.
Hi poet.
I rather agree with Eira about the numbers and the trimming.
I'd also like the reason to 'gather round' be offered at the outset, to forestall the inevitable 'why
(should I bother)?' The piece, to me, is confusing and doesn't seem certain of its own purpose.

For instance, in 1. it moves from
'talk about all things literary'
to 'the world'
to 'and where [I think you mean 'what'] poetry and novels stand for'
to 'manuscript exchanges'
to 'feelings'
to 'feeling about how to feel about you pieces'
(though why this distinction is drawn isn't specified), and then,
with only the separation of a comma it's
'smell the fresh'
before, for no clear reason, it returns (sort of )
to 'get critiques' ... 'edits' ... 'revisions'
and ends with 'your group'. When did possession change?

2 - 5 don't seem to me to be any clearer.

Though in 4
Did you read yours out
loud? That must have been exhilarating!

- promises something interesting, but doesn't follow through/deliver.

Regards, Not


.

User avatar
Firebird
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2291
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 9:46 pm

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by Firebird » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:16 pm

Hi Poet,

I’d like to second Eira’s comments and Not’s more detailed very useful advice.

Cheers,

Tristan

User avatar
Poet
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 230
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:50 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by Poet » Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:30 am

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 4:49 pm
.
Hi poet.
I rather agree with Eira about the numbers and the trimming.
I'd also like the reason to 'gather round' be offered at the outset, to forestall the inevitable 'why
(should I bother)?' The piece, to me, is confusing and doesn't seem certain of its own purpose.

For instance, in 1. it moves from
'talk about all things literary'
to 'the world'
to 'and where [I think you mean 'what'] poetry and novels stand for'
to 'manuscript exchanges'
to 'feelings'
to 'feeling about how to feel about you pieces'
(though why this distinction is drawn isn't specified), and then,
with only the separation of a comma it's
'smell the fresh'
before, for no clear reason, it returns (sort of )
to 'get critiques' ... 'edits' ... 'revisions'
and ends with 'your group'. When did possession change?

2 - 5 don't seem to me to be any clearer.

Though in 4
Did you read yours out
loud? That must have been exhilarating!

- promises something interesting, but doesn't follow through/deliver.

Regards, Not


.
It was supposed to be a heroic poem, about banding together and writing something that will change the world. Much like superheroes, a concept i had while listening to a kpop song, (yeah that is weird) but it was worth a shot.

NotQuiteSure
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2008
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by NotQuiteSure » Wed Feb 26, 2020 12:17 pm

.
Hi Poet.
Poet wrote:
Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:30 am
It was supposed to be a heroic poem, about banding together and writing something that will change the world. Much like superheroes, a concept i had while listening to a kpop song
Nothing wrong with the concept. Kpop on the other hand ... :) But you still haven't answered the 'why'. Why should poets gather round? And in what way is what they write supposed to change the world? A call to arms should (I would think) be clear, direct and inspirational.

Regards, Not

.

User avatar
Poet
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 230
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:50 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

Post by Poet » Wed Feb 26, 2020 6:27 pm

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Wed Feb 26, 2020 12:17 pm
.
Hi Poet.
Poet wrote:
Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:30 am
It was supposed to be a heroic poem, about banding together and writing something that will change the world. Much like superheroes, a concept i had while listening to a kpop song
Nothing wrong with the concept. Kpop on the other hand ... :) But you still haven't answered the 'why'. Why should poets gather round? And in what way is what they write supposed to change the world? A call to arms should (I would think) be clear, direct and inspirational.

Regards, Not

.
What's to explain? They're writers and the job of the writer is to connect with other writers and change the world like Ezra Pound and T.S Eliot. Except they were attempting to change poetry and they succeeded.

Post Reply