Anthropomorphic

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ray miller
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Anthropomorphic

Post by ray miller » Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:01 pm

it’s hard to single
heroes out
they all look much
the same to us
black and white
formal dress
Marxist maybe
Chaplinesque
they tramp the end
of the world
or cock their heads
as if they heard
something muffled
on the wind
spectators chuckle
when they flip
or take their turn
while mothers fish
to bear the egg
or brave the lash
with dignity
that moves
en masse
Last edited by ray miller on Sun Feb 02, 2020 12:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Firebird
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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by Firebird » Tue Jan 28, 2020 11:22 pm

Hi Ray,

Am I right in thinking this is about penguins and how we anthropomorphasise their behaviour? If so, I’m not sure the punctuation works that well (it needs redoing or maybe leaving out altogether), but I like it. I really like the images of Chaplin - perfect for penguins.

Cheers,

Tristan

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JJWilliamson
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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by JJWilliamson » Wed Jan 29, 2020 8:04 am

Enjoyed it, Ray. The title is fair enough as we DO attribute human characteristics to penguins. (well, I do)

The 'dignity' is a cool way to contrast awkwardness with style.

Put a smile on my face.

Best

JJ
ray miller wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:01 pm
it’s hard to single
heroes out
they all look much
the same to us
black and white
formal dress
Marxist, maybe,
Chaplinesque
they tramp the end
of the world
or cock their heads
as if they heard
something muffled
on the wind
punters chuckle ...'punters' took me out of the poem.
when they flip
or take their turn
while mothers fish
to bear the egg
or brave the lash
with dignity
that moves
en masse
Long time a child and still a child

ray miller
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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by ray miller » Thu Jan 30, 2020 8:21 am

Thanks both. Commas removed. Thinking about "punters", JJ, I see what you mean.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by NotQuiteSure » Thu Jan 30, 2020 11:10 am

.
Hi ray,
enjoyed this, sweet but not saccharine, and I agree with Tristan and JJ.
Did wonder if you were trying, with the layout, to represent a penguin, but I'm not seeing it :)

Perhaps instead of 'punters chuckle' - 'like laughter' ? And maybe add 'icy' before lash?

Regards, Not

.

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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by Macavity » Thu Jan 30, 2020 1:47 pm

Nicely done Ray. formal dress registered upper class rather than Marxist, but I get the uniformity and lack of individuality. Liked the image of...
or cock their heads
as if they heard
something muffled
on the wind
best

mac

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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by Firebird » Thu Jan 30, 2020 6:17 pm

ray miller wrote:
Thu Jan 30, 2020 8:21 am
Thanks both. Commas removed. Thinking about "punters", JJ, I see what you mean.
Much better without punctuation.

Cheers,

Tristan

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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by Poet » Thu Jan 30, 2020 11:38 pm

ray miller wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:01 pm
it’s hard to single
heroes out
they all look much
the same to us
black and white
formal dress
Marxist maybe
Chaplinesque
they tramp the end
of the world
or cock their heads
as if they heard
something muffled
on the wind
punters chuckle (What is a punter?)
when they flip
or take their turn
while mothers fish
to bear the egg
or brave the lash
with dignity
that moves
en masse (What is en masse?)
Overall it was an interesting poem as I like the introspection of heroes but you are missing punctuation.

ray miller
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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by ray miller » Fri Jan 31, 2020 8:59 am

Thanks, Poet. The lack of punctuation is deliberate. Punters, in this sense, means members of the public. En masse means all together, as one.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

ray miller
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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by ray miller » Fri Jan 31, 2020 10:08 am

Thanks, Not and mac. No, I wasn't trying to represent a penguin.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by capricorn » Sat Feb 01, 2020 11:15 pm

A great poem to read, Ray. Agree with JJ about 'punters'

Eira

ray miller
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Re: Anthropomorphic

Post by ray miller » Sun Feb 02, 2020 12:06 pm

Thanks, Eira. Punters is now spectators.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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