Drink

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Poet
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Drink

Post by Poet » Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:37 pm

Take the holy water and drink it from it’s cup,
Take the holy water and shower inside the house.
Where there is a god, I do not know,

Where there is a god, I dare not know,
Take the holy water and dance with it’s power;
Take the holy water and share with others.

Do you dare use it’s magical ability?
Do you dare use it for it’s capability?
Take the holy water and use it for good.

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Perry
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Re: Drink

Post by Perry » Sun Mar 22, 2020 11:39 am

I hate to see poems go by without an answer, so I'm posting a comment here. My problem is that I don't really understand the poem. I think I know what you're trying to do in the poem, but I can't really relate to it since I am not Catholic and have no feelings about holy water. If you would explain the poem, I could at least try to advise you on how you might convey your meaning more clearly.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

TrevorConway
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Re: Drink

Post by TrevorConway » Mon Mar 23, 2020 9:31 pm

Hi Poet,

Thanks for sharing. I had the same experience as Perry - I struggled to fully grasp the core idea of the poem, I think. I don't think that all poetry has to be clear, and a certain level of obscurity is usually good in poetry, I'd say, but doing a more plain-language version of this might prove a useful exercise (or might even form the basis of a revised draft if you like the results).

I hope this helps in some way.

All the best,

Trevor

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Re: Drink

Post by Poet » Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:41 am

Perry wrote:
Sun Mar 22, 2020 11:39 am
I hate to see poems go by without an answer, so I'm posting a comment here. My problem is that I don't really understand the poem. I think I know what you're trying to do in the poem, but I can't really relate to it since I am not Catholic and have no feelings about holy water. If you would explain the poem, I could at least try to advise you on how you might convey your meaning more clearly.
This poem is about holy water and how I got a naked shower with dudes inside the holy house, I tried to make it understandable as possible.

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