before Life was Art

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lotus
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before Life was Art

Post by lotus » Wed May 13, 2020 5:52 pm

before Life was Art-shdw-75.png
before Life was Art-shdw-75.png (73.72 KiB) Viewed 446 times
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

MikeMac
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Re: before Life was Art

Post by MikeMac » Wed May 13, 2020 8:46 pm

Hi Lotus,

Loved the diction. A very pleasant and interesting read.

TrevorConway
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Re: before Life was Art

Post by TrevorConway » Thu May 14, 2020 8:40 am

Hi Lotus,

I like what you have here, with some nice phrasing. It feels underdeveloped overall to me, in a way that kinda makes it hard to get a grasp of what the impetus for writing the poem was. I think short poems are perfectly fine, by the way. This just left me with a sense of wanting a lot more detail/context.

Thanks for sharing,

T

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by NotQuiteSure » Thu May 14, 2020 11:45 am

.
Hi Lotus (and welcome back),
a poetic joke? Virtually a one-liner. If so, I like it. If not, I still like it. :)
But I don't understand why the last line is in the same font as the title (and your signature). You'll have your reasons, I'm sure, but they're eluding me.

Should it be 'nor even' (L2)?


Regards, Not



.

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by TrevorConway » Thu May 14, 2020 11:51 am

Hi again, Lotus,

Like Not, I found the change in font at the end a bit confusing. Looking at the poem again, I find the title a bit pretentious, if I'm gonna be 100% honest, and I loved the phrases "sidewalk oligarchy" and "occult quote". More of the same would be great, and maybe "fashion statement" could be improved to have such strong wording.

Anyway, hope the feedback helps.

All the best,

T

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by Macavity » Fri May 15, 2020 3:08 pm

Enjoyed Lotus. I don't recall seeing the word 'oligarchy' in a poem. Heard the isolation in reminisced, the present lived in the past, the communication with self not others.

best

mac

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by capricorn » Fri May 15, 2020 4:11 pm

It's a pleasure to read one of your unique poems, Lotus which always gives much to think on.

Oligarchy - a new word for me ( I like learning new words).

Eira

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by lotus » Sun May 17, 2020 4:44 pm

MikeMac wrote:
Wed May 13, 2020 8:46 pm
Hi Lotus,

Loved the diction. A very pleasant and interesting read.
many thankyuuus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by lotus » Sun May 17, 2020 4:50 pm

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Thu May 14, 2020 11:45 am
.
Hi Lotus (and welcome back),
a poetic joke? Virtually a one-liner. If so, I like it. If not, I still like it. :)
But I don't understand why the last line is in the same font as the title (and your signature). You'll have your reasons, I'm sure, but they're eluding me.

Should it be 'nor even' (L2)?


Regards, Not



.


greetings Not

regarding the fonts

i almost exclusively use in all poems the black italics for the voice of a quote

and the grey Corbel font for everything else

in this case the Grey text offers the eye an alternative opportunity to read The Title and then the next line in Grey
skipping the black italics


regarding 'or' versus 'nor'
i am not a grammar junkie and you might very well be right
though in this case i do like the sound of or better

a warm smile
silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by lotus » Sun May 17, 2020 4:56 pm

TrevorConway wrote:
Thu May 14, 2020 11:51 am
Hi again, Lotus,

Like Not, I found the change in font at the end a bit confusing. Looking at the poem again, I find the title a bit pretentious, if I'm gonna be 100% honest, and I loved the phrases "sidewalk oligarchy" and "occult quote". More of the same would be great, and maybe "fashion statement" could be improved to have such strong wording.

Anyway, hope the feedback helps.

All the best,

T


dear Trevor

i hope you will read my response to Not about the fonts


your mention of strengthening "fashion statement" is wonderful

and i might like to offer that
"sidewalk oligarchy" and "occult" are perhaps playing off of
the question of what is .. life and what is Art ...
and that leaving a banal "fashion statement"
helps the mind to pingpong about that

a warm smile
silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sun May 17, 2020 6:19 pm

.
Hi Lotus.
lotus wrote:
Sun May 17, 2020 4:50 pm
an alternative opportunity to read The Title and then the next line in Grey
skipping the black italics
Indeed, and it is there I inopportunely stumble. :)
before Life was Art / often she reminisced
I think it's because I'm suspicious that often should be Often.

Regards, Not


.

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by lotus » Mon May 18, 2020 4:40 am

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Sun May 17, 2020 6:19 pm
.
Hi Lotus.
lotus wrote:
Sun May 17, 2020 4:50 pm
an alternative opportunity to read The Title and then the next line in Grey
skipping the black italics
Indeed, and it is there I inopportunely stumble. :)
before Life was Art / often she reminisced
I think it's because I'm suspicious that often should be Often.

Regards, Not


.
Suspicious.... yes !

:D
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by lotus » Mon May 18, 2020 6:09 pm

capricorn wrote:
Fri May 15, 2020 4:11 pm
It's a pleasure to read one of your unique poems, Lotus which always gives much to think on.

Oligarchy - a new word for me ( I like learning new words).

Eira
dear Eira

such a delight to know you loitered with one of my p0ems
many thankyuuus

and i hope you and yours are well

a warm smile
silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by Firebird » Tue May 19, 2020 9:30 pm

Hi Lotus,

Nice to see you around. I like the idea of art as something very self-conscious, and also the use of ‘occult quote’.

It’s an interesting read.

Cheers,

Tristan

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Re: before Life was Art

Post by lotus » Tue Jun 30, 2020 3:58 pm

Firebird wrote:
Tue May 19, 2020 9:30 pm
Hi Lotus,

Nice to see you around. I like the idea of art as something very self-conscious, and also the use of ‘occult quote’.

It’s an interesting read.

Cheers,

Tristan

dear Tristan

indeed a delight to have your create time to sit and be with my inkwell

a warm smile
silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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