Dark cashier (Merry Christmas everyone))

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barrie
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Dark cashier (Merry Christmas everyone))

Post by barrie » Tue Dec 23, 2008 10:07 am

When greedy gloves are thrust into my face
by wailing songsters carolling for blood,
a fox beset by hounds in solstice chase,
I'd bite their grasping fingers if I could.

Poor turkeys gobble on in fevered flocks,
then scratch their way through crowds to market stalls
and pecking out the choicest scarves and socks,
know Christmas has them by the coloured balls.

Corporate armies march with grunt and greed,
show off their wares on every vacant space,
slobbering at the Yuletide trough they feed,
their avaricious spirit, a disgrace.

Let's turn our backs on profit's dark cashier
to celebrate with honesty, not fear.

------

gloves in V2 has become scarves.

1st line of V3 changed from

Now Scrooge's armies march with grunt and greed
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by Ros » Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:46 pm

A seasonal rant, Barrie! I like the fox metaphor, and the double meaning of turkey. I'm not sure you need the commas at the end of every line. And dark cashier is an inspired phrase.

And to nit-pick, I think I found the verse about Scrooge the least convincing -Scrooge's armies are the shopkeepers? I think of Scrooge as not wanting to spend money, rather than going out there with the marketing campaign to relieve others of theirs.

Just reading it again - yes, particularly like the first verse!
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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by R. Broath » Tue Dec 23, 2008 2:07 pm

Christmas with the Glums, barrie. Not sure if gloves needs to be in there twice, but I like its downbeat (but honest) take and there is a bruising aptness to its curmudgeonly charm.
Seems it's the season of sonnets and this one ding-dongs less than merrily, but with a tone of reality.

Jimmy

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by dedalus » Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:46 pm

It's a seasonal poem, it seems, designed for the moment ... it's got good little bits here and there: I'd bite their grasping fingers if I could. but it's a drop from your usual standard. It's OK to take a holiday from seriousness from time to time. Look who's talking! But you can't do it too often, as I'm beginning to understand.

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by barrie » Tue Dec 23, 2008 7:06 pm

Thanks Ros - Thanks for telling me about the commas - I'm usually careful about punctuation.
I suppose Scrooge had to relieve people of their money in order to hoarde it - he charged high interest rates.

Thanks Jimmy - First the commas, now the doubling up of gloves - I'm getting sloppy. Gloves shall be scarves.

Thanks Brendan - Have a good 'un.

Cheers all

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by David » Tue Dec 23, 2008 7:50 pm

What does this opening remind me of, I wondered?

Twas this:

When icicles hang by the wall
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail


The rhythm seemed exactly the same.

A nice piece of seasonal badwill, and I agree with Ros - dark cashier is a great phrase. Worth using again, with more prominence?

Cheers

David

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by barrie » Tue Dec 23, 2008 10:56 pm

Thanks David -
David wrote:When icicles hang by the wall
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail

The rhythm seemed exactly the same.
- Do you think so?

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea,
- I had that in mind when I wrote it.

cheers

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by David » Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:17 pm

Actually, you're right, the rhythm is nothing like, is it? What am I on about? Who can say?

Cheers

David

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by ray miller » Wed Dec 24, 2008 3:32 pm

I liked the turkeys and especially "know Christmas has them by the coloured balls" but like others I wasn't wholly convinced by Scrooge's armies etc. I should think it exceedingly difficult for many people to celebrate honestly.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by barrie » Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:51 pm

David wrote:Actually, you're right, the rhythm is nothing like, is it?
- Thank God for that, David - You've had me looking in mirrors!

Thanks Ray - Well that's two against Scrooge's armies - Will corporate armies do instead?

Merry Christmas to everyone

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Dark cashier (a Christmas poem)

Post by Elphin » Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:56 pm

Christmas has them by the coloured balls

Indeed - I wandered into a Woolies this morning and thought of this poem.

Very sad to see staff stocking shelves knowing their jobs have gone. It was all summed up by the signs saying that the racking and shelving was also for sale - Everything Must Go was truer than true.

elph

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Re: Dark cashier (Merry Christmas everyone))

Post by Danté » Wed Dec 24, 2008 7:33 pm

Barrie

The first stanza is so you.
I am smiling across cyberspace and mean that in a warm way.
The poem is enjoyable and says it well to my mind.
I wish you all the very best in this season of good will and beyond.

Kind regards

Tim
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

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Re: Dark cashier (Merry Christmas everyone))

Post by barrie » Fri Dec 26, 2008 5:01 pm

Thanks a lot Elph and Dante -
Elphin wrote:Indeed - I wandered into a Woolies this morning and thought of this poem.

Very sad to see staff stocking shelves knowing their jobs have gone. It was all summed up by the signs saying that the racking and shelving was also for sale - Everything Must Go was truer than true.
- Almost makes me feel guilty for nicking stuff from Woolies back in the Sixties.

Artful Dodger.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Dark cashier (Merry Christmas everyone))

Post by juliadebeauvoir » Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:29 am

Artful Dodger,
Poor turkeys gobble on in fevered flocks,
then scratch their way through crowds to market stalls
and pecking out the choicest scarves and socks,
know Christmas has them by the coloured balls.
That is your strongest stanza--'Poor turkeys' all the way to 'coloured balls.' I think that changing 'gloves' to scarves was a good revision since 'greedy gloves' was already referenced. "cCorporate armies' was also a very good choice over Scrooge's.

Since I had no money to be stripped of this year I got to see the true meaning of Christmas--it was not getting trampled to death over an X-box 360.
Let's turn our backs on profit's dark cashier
to celebrate with honesty, not fear.
The expression 'dark cashier' should be added to the English vocabulary.
I like the revision.
Cheers and Merry Christmas,
Kim
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."

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Re: Dark cashier (Merry Christmas everyone))

Post by barrie » Sat Dec 27, 2008 4:20 pm

Many thanks, Kim.

cheers - Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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