Web

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barrie
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Web

Post by barrie » Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:53 pm

So many years ago
I fashioned a web
to catch any good things
that flew my way.

So many years
spent untangling
the accompanying
rubbish.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Web

Post by David » Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:50 pm

Simple wisdom. Nice one, old chap.

Cheers

David

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Re: Web

Post by juliadebeauvoir » Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:25 pm

What? A biography of my life? How did you know?
Well said, well thought and nothing to crit.

Well done,
Kim
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."

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barrie
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Re: Web

Post by barrie » Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:40 am

David and Kim - Thanks for the response.

cheers

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Web

Post by dedalus » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:05 pm

Sounds uncomfortably like my chaotic collection of books and CDs bursting forth from their shelves and stacked in boxes haphazardly here and there on the floors of the flat (DVDs, legal and otherwise, are also starting to become a menace). But I know what you really mean. Nice one, Barro ! 8)

d.

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Re: Web

Post by Elphin » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:12 pm

What you need is an anti spam filter.

elphin

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Re: Web

Post by dedalus » Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:10 pm

No, an anti-input filter. Stop the never-ending barrage of messages. Dream on.

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Re: Web

Post by Danté » Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:58 pm

Barrie,

As I seem to be a consumate magpie, I can well relate to this.
I just find that the web expands, Untangling it, I don't think I will ever go there! As long as I can find my brushes.

Thanks for your thoughts at the vis board.

Tim
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

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Re: Web

Post by Lake » Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:58 am

After the rubbish is sifted, the remains are golden gizzards.

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Re: Web

Post by Sharra » Thu Sep 04, 2008 7:54 am

I liked the truth and simplicity of this.
I do think it could be strengthened even more tho.
I would tend to lose the first 'So' - I realise you're repeating the 'so many years' but I think it weakens the first line a little.
I also wondered if you could carry the web metaphor further by being more specific. Could you maybe change 'good things' for something that relates to the web as well as good things? I've been trying to think of something to suggest, but can't at the mo. Just something that implies prey/food/sustenance - that sort of thing?
I would also think along the same lines with 'rubbish' at the end - words like husks/detritus/carcasses spring to mind there (they're not right, but along those lines).
Sharra
x
It is at the edge of the
petal that love waits

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Re: Web

Post by twoleftfeet » Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:27 pm

"Pile of rubbish" perhaps? (Just an idea)

I'm sure that my junk goes-forth-and-multiplies when I'm not looking !

A nice relaxing,thought provoking piece - is there such a thing as Arachnotherapy?

Geoff

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barrie
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Re: Web

Post by barrie » Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:32 pm

Thanks everyone for your replies. As you probably know, the poem's meant to be about the aquisition of wisdom - the good things in life. What I didn't realize, all those years ago, was that it never comes alone and all the useless stuff that comes with it has to be discarded.
twoleftfeet wrote:is there such a thing as Arachnotherapy?
- That's how the poem came about - watching spiders. The more flies they catch, the more rubbish seems to get caught up in their webs as well. They spend more time getting rid of bits of dead leaves, grass, seeds etc, than they do the dry carsasses of their prey.

Sharra - I hope my explanation answers your question - Most of what gets shifted from a web tends to be blown in rather than flown in.

Elph - Never even thought of the Internet - Then again, I never get any spam - Try using Ad-aware, CCleaner, Windows Defender and Norton 360. 2.0.

Tim - Try chucking stuff out, it's good for the soul. The only things I hoard are books and CD's (I slung all my cassettes, gave away my LP's).

Brendan - I'm untidy too, but I still know where I've put (left) something. I don't like things neat and tidy - it's not natural, is it?

Lake - Golden Gizzards, that sounds like a good title for a poem.

Cheers all

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Web

Post by Oskar » Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:58 pm

Barrie

It's often difficult to see right down to the bottom of the pool with your writing. The words in this are few, but very well chosen. It reads like a poem about 'emotional baggage' to me. From whatever angle you look at it though, you've created something large from very little.

Mind you, every time I read S1, I can't help but picture R.M. Renfield in Dr. Seward's lunatic asylum with his spiders, flies and birds!

Cheers
Bela Lugosi
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry

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Re: Web

Post by alexander » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:00 pm

Life is not lovely.

Rather Nietzsche-esque I feel. I would not like to try and seriously critique the poem, since any simmering discussion would quickly boil down to more pertinent questions -- what is the purpose of the poet? -- without really achieving anything in specific.

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barrie
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Re: Web

Post by barrie » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:58 pm

Oskar wrote:Mind you, every time I read S1, I can't help but picture R.M. Renfield in Dr. Seward's lunatic asylum with his spiders, flies and birds!
- What are you trying to say?
alexander wrote:what is the purpose of the poet?
Thanks Alex - I'm glad you didn't ask me to answer the question.

cheers both

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Web

Post by Oskar » Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:46 pm

barrie wrote:Oskar wrote:
Mind you, every time I read S1, I can't help but picture R.M. Renfield in Dr. Seward's lunatic asylum with his spiders, flies and birds!- What are you trying to say?
Maybe I'm developing a Dracula fixation. That might explain the black cape and Ray Reardon snooker cue I bought on e-bay last week.
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry

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Re: Web

Post by Lake » Mon Sep 08, 2008 5:26 pm

barrie wrote: I'm untidy too, but I still know where I've put (left) something. I don't like things neat and tidy - it's not natural, is it?
What a good excuse for kids who hate tidying up their rooms. :D

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