Staying Put

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barrie
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Staying Put

Post by barrie » Tue Dec 16, 2008 4:59 pm

I sat gazing out of the window
and decided
that instead of looking out
I'd look in.
Very quickly I rose
and ran outside.
Looking in,
I saw myself getting out of the chair.
Tapping myself on the shoulder
I turned around to look at me.
"Hurry up before there's confusion",
I said to him in front.
He ran back inside and sat down.
Looking out of the window,
I noticed there was no-one there.
It was as if I'd never moved.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Danté
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Re: Staying Put

Post by Danté » Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:28 pm

Barrie

I thought this was a very pleasant poem to ponder and digest.
The idea is endearing, and you have written it with your usual deftness of stroke
which is essential with a piece fo this nature.
I guess it's a bit of fun, but it still requires clarity so one can fully appreciate the point.

To me this is simply to be enjoyed and after a tough day at work it hit the spot.

thanks

Tim
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

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Re: Staying Put

Post by Lake » Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:47 pm

Hi Barrie,

You didn't mean this is in the beginner's level, did you? Sometimes, it is even harder to write good poems in simple languages.
I enjoy this a lot though it is easy to get confused: which is the real me? which is my shadow? But that's how the confusion is at play.
I like the instant realization through the speaker's mental activities.
I think I need to do this in and out activity too.

Very well put.

Lake

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barrie
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Re: Staying Put

Post by barrie » Tue Dec 16, 2008 10:18 pm

Thanks Tim and Lake - Just a bit of fun.

cheers

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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Re: Staying Put

Post by Alucinary » Wed Dec 17, 2008 12:00 am

I love the idea you have depicted! As I read it I thought perhaps remove the "of" from the first line and that the last line seemed false, but having finished I'm no longer sure...

Was certainly fun to read :)
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Re: Staying Put

Post by PhilipCFJohnson » Wed Dec 17, 2008 12:23 am

I really enjoyed this!

The concept and wording were really fun, yet also provided food for thought!

Thank you :)
Phil
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Re: Staying Put

Post by arunansu » Wed Dec 17, 2008 7:20 am

Genuinely feel this should be in the "Experienced Forum". I enjoyed the read, its impact is tremendous.
Cheers.

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Re: Staying Put

Post by Suzanne » Wed Dec 17, 2008 7:30 am

So enjoyable, wonderful thing to read first thing this morning.
Very interesting angles to ponder, I love it that the passage of time is in the background somewhere.. like a clock ticking in the back ground. Nice write.
Suzanne

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barrie
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Re: Staying Put

Post by barrie » Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:58 pm

Thanks for your comments everyone - much appreciated

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......

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