Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

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Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by bodkin » Tue Jan 12, 2010 8:00 pm

We are half-way there, so let's have a break and be slightly silly.

An erasure poem is a type of found poem where you take an existing block of text and remove all the parts which are not a poem.

e.g. you delete letters, words, phrases, and sentences until what's left is somewhat poetical...

I had some trouble finding examples on the web, so here is one I did for an exercise on another forum, sometime last year. This was originally a chocolate mousse recipe from the BBC web-site:

Detailed instructions

Cut the butter and a bowl.
Break the dark and drop.
Fill with hot water, then sit
on top so it rests on the rim.

While you wait to cool,
position a shelf in your fan.
Using a shallow square non-stick baking
line the base, get rid of any lumps.

With a sharp knife, chop the white
milk into chunks on a board.
Keep on doing this, moving the knife
into pieces then turn rough squares.

Break the eggs into electric on maximum
until thick and creamy, like a shake.
This can take, depending on how powerful
your heart. You'll know it's pale and double.

Pour the chocolate over the mouse.
Plunge and bring again the middle.
Continue until the two are one.
The idea is to marry, gentle and slow

like you don't want.

--

If you are wondering where to get text, news-sites, wikipedia, posts on non-poetic forums, spam email can be a rich source; or a poem from your least-favourite Famous Published Poet...
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by Raine » Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:53 am

I like the way you've used something as mundane and ordinary as a recipe. I'm suprised at how close to poetic it's become just by removing words. Clever ! I may fiddle with this technique for quite some time.
All aspects of language are tools of the poet; line-broken narrative serves an intent.
Take cliché, miss pelling and hyphen'd syllabics. Mould them with form and artistic intent. :-)

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by Raine » Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:56 am

.

Taken from Sylvia Plath’s – Waking in Winter (Reduced by a third)

I can taste the tin of the sky.
Winter drawn is the colour of metal,
the trees stiffen into place.

All night I dreamed of destruction,
an assembly-line of cut throats.
You and I inching off in the Chevy.
Little clapboard gravestones,
noiseless on rubber wheels.
The way to convalescence.

Balconies echoed, the sun lit up the skulls,
unbuckled bones facing the view!
Space! Space!
Bed linen giving out, cot legs melted
in terrible attitudes.

Each nurse patched her soul to a wound
and disappeared.
The guests had not been satisfied
with rooms, smiles, rubber plants,
or the sea. Hushing their peeled sense
like Old Mother Morphia.



I will admit to cheating just a little bit, I added one word: 'convalescence'

.
All aspects of language are tools of the poet; line-broken narrative serves an intent.
Take cliché, miss pelling and hyphen'd syllabics. Mould them with form and artistic intent. :-)

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by Raine » Wed Jan 13, 2010 12:19 pm

.

From my Recipe for Rocky Road

Break chocolate into pieces,
Put pieces in a bowl
place bowl into a bigger pan
of gently simmering water.

Dust cherry and marshmallow
with sifted icing sugar
then gently mix together
with the other dry ingredients.

Choose your baking tray,
line with greaseproof paper
grease the greaseproof paper with some butter
or some oil

Once the chocolate’s softened
stir until completely melted
add a teaspoon full of butter
and beat until it’s smooth.

Quickly add the chocolate
to the bowl of dry ingredients
folding in quite carefully
‘til everything is covered.

Scrape the sticky mixture
Straight into your baking tray
smooth it out but do not press it down
(that makes it hard)

The top should quite lumpy
slightly bumpy and uneven.
Place in the fridge to set
and break in chunks to serve.


.
All aspects of language are tools of the poet; line-broken narrative serves an intent.
Take cliché, miss pelling and hyphen'd syllabics. Mould them with form and artistic intent. :-)

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by stuartryder » Wed Jan 13, 2010 2:13 pm

Er, sorry Raine but that's just the recipe isn't it?

Bodkin's poem is a lot different in that if you followed it as a recipe you would end up with something very strange and certainly not food.

Stuart
Raine wrote:.

From my Recipe for Rocky Road

Break chocolate into pieces,
Put pieces in a bowl
place bowl into a bigger pan
of gently simmering water.

Dust cherry and marshmallow
with sifted icing sugar
then gently mix together
with the other dry ingredients.

Choose your baking tray,
line with greaseproof paper
grease the greaseproof paper with some butter
or some oil

Once the chocolate’s softened
stir until completely melted
add a teaspoon full of butter
and beat until it’s smooth.

Quickly add the chocolate
to the bowl of dry ingredients
folding in quite carefully
‘til everything is covered.

Scrape the sticky mixture
Straight into your baking tray
smooth it out but do not press it down
(that makes it hard)

The top should quite lumpy
slightly bumpy and uneven.
Place in the fridge to set
and break in chunks to serve.


.

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by Ros » Wed Jan 13, 2010 2:34 pm

Serves 4

Preheat, place, cover and braise.
Fry, add, cook.
Leave.
Purée, season, mix, make.
Take strain,
keeping and discarding.
Open out flat.
Lay on a piece of foil.
Leave.
Fill, and roll tightly. Chill.
Preheat, prepare, steam, cover and heat.
Remove the foil. Pour and reduce.
Whisk in a knob of butter.
Serve very hot.
Leave.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by brianedwards » Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:37 pm

Err, gonna give this challenge a miss I think. Anyone for pizza?

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by ray miller » Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:52 pm

Me too, I just don't find it very interesting, I'm afraid.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by brianedwards » Wed Jan 13, 2010 5:02 pm

How about rearranging lyrics from Erasure songs and adding whatever words you want.
As long as the words begin with the letter E.
For a laugh?

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by bodkin » Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:58 pm

You are at liberty to write whatever poem you want instead...
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by bodkin » Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:59 pm

.
Last edited by bodkin on Wed Jan 13, 2010 8:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by bodkin » Wed Jan 13, 2010 8:11 pm

Positions

The positions are as follows:

Bow
nearest the most dangerous.

Second Bow
next nearest on the opposite side and comprise the pair.

Second Stroke
next away and probably stabilise the same side.

Stroke
the closest to setting the timing.
They combine with the pair
on the same side as Second Bow.

Sweep
the person (usually man) in charge and,
as they can see what's ahead,
they shot the water.

--

From here.
Last edited by bodkin on Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by camus » Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:32 am

Mr Bodkin is doing a fine job.

To engage other poets, to get them riled/motivated, and to continue to do so is a difficult proposition.

So give him a break BRIAN and let him get on with it. If you don't like his ideas, "switch off and go do something less boring instead."

MmmK
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by camus » Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:58 am

a mutant Baby
a radiator
an apartment in a
factory - steel -
industrial pounding
stop motion - an elevator
leading to graphic violence
a worm with depression
neo noir - noir nwea
low budget film making
limited dialogue
nihilism,surrealism
a steampunk chicken dinner.
mutation - eraserhead.
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by brianedwards » Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:45 am

camus wrote:Mr Bodkin is doing a fine job.

To engage other poets, to get them riled/motivated, and to continue to do so is a difficult proposition.

So give him a break BRIAN and let him get on with it. If you don't like his ideas, "switch off and go do something less boring instead."

MmmK
Keep yer kickers on Kris. Don't think I said anything too offensive. For once.
Totally agree, Ian is doing a grand job.

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by brianedwards » Fri Jan 15, 2010 6:31 am

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by Ros » Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:49 pm

Well, that amused me, Brian. Sometimes fun can be the only goal, huh?

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by Ros » Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:55 pm

bodkin wrote:.
Minimalist. Says it all, really.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by bodkin » Fri Jan 15, 2010 3:08 pm

Ros wrote:
bodkin wrote:.
Minimalist. Says it all, really.
.

!
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by arunansu » Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:48 pm

My first Erasure Poem:

Blackberries

In its first year
a new stem
grows vigorously
arching or trailing along the ground
bearing large palmately leaves;

it does not produce any flowers.


In its second year,
the stem does not grow longer

but the flower buds break

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Wednesday - Erasure poem

Post by bodkin » Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:08 pm

Very nice, very much like a Haiku in reducing the ideas to the minimum possible words...
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

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