Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

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bodkin
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Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by bodkin » Fri Jan 15, 2010 11:54 pm

Write a poem where one single metaphor is extended to represent the subject of the poem from beginning to end.

e.g. if you were (rather conventionally) using a river as a metaphor for time, you would pick out all sorts of further aspects of the river (ducks, eddies, bridges...) and make them also metaphors for other things relevant to time (people, impersonal forces of history, memorable events...)

A good example of an extended metaphor is the "All the world's a stage" speech from As you Like it.

--

As an alternative/extension write a poem that is about a clear subject, but does not mention it directly, and thus has to entirely use metaphor (or metonymy, if you want to be flash).
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by Raine » Sat Jan 16, 2010 10:41 am

.

Seamingly a couple

Unshod and nude I watched you mannequin.
Your ticking loose, your form, sized.
We pinned in silver skeins; needled,
embroidering in time. I fine stitched
your gusset
And you appliquéd mine.

Later hemmed and pressed
we lay in cross-stitched tapestry.
Braided at the edges,
back-tack
and perfect finished.

But bias taped and blanket stitched
we button holed the facing;
hook and eyed the right side
And un-picked
our entredeux.

.




Revised ...


Seamingly

Unshod and nude
I watched you mannequin.

Ticking torn and form, sized,
we pinned silver skeins and needled.

Silk embroidered time as
I fine stitched
your gusset
And you, in collar turn,
appliquéd mine.

Later, hemmed and pressed,
we lay in cross-stitched tapestry.
Braided at the edges,
back-tack
and perfect quilted.

But bias taped and blanket stitched
we button-holed the facing;
hook and eyed the right side
and un-picked
our decorative
entredeux.


.
Last edited by Raine on Sat Jan 16, 2010 11:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
All aspects of language are tools of the poet; line-broken narrative serves an intent.
Take cliché, miss pelling and hyphen'd syllabics. Mould them with form and artistic intent. :-)

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by bodkin » Sat Jan 16, 2010 8:32 pm

Hi Raine,

I think is clever, but a couple of bits of terminology I don't know: entredeux, Manakin...

The latter looks up to be a family of birds, which doesn't seem to fit with the needlework theme, the latter is some sort of ribbon?

Not sure which was the original and which the revision, but I like the top one best as it is more compact and thus flows more smoothly.

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by bodkin » Sat Jan 16, 2010 8:33 pm

I might come back and actually do this exercise on a later day as today I have a stinking cold <sniffle>...
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by Raine » Sat Jan 16, 2010 9:00 pm

Thanks Ian, the second one was the revision but I'm going to fiddle with this for quite a while yet I think. I really like the concept and I'm enjoying playing around with the terms.
I've got another one on the back burner that's using the names of microorgansims: Salmonella, Listeria and Proteus vulgaris etc. Such rich sounds :-)

_______________________

Tailoring Terms:

Entredeux: "between two" – In needlework terms usually a piece of lightweight fabric joined to another piece of lightweight fabric with a delicate bit of lace.

Manakin: A dressmaker's or tailor's dummy.


Take care of those sniffles, hope your feel better soon.


.
All aspects of language are tools of the poet; line-broken narrative serves an intent.
Take cliché, miss pelling and hyphen'd syllabics. Mould them with form and artistic intent. :-)

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by Pauline » Sat Jan 16, 2010 9:27 pm

I am an open book.
My pages may be yellowing
and a little creased.
I'm looking rather dog-eared
as I've been well thumbed,
but hey, I'm a bloody
good read.

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by bodkin » Sat Jan 16, 2010 10:17 pm

Raine wrote:Manakin: A dressmaker's or tailor's dummy.
Surely that's a manikin?
Take care of those sniffles, hope your feel better soon.
Thanks!
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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by Raine » Sat Jan 16, 2010 11:17 pm

Oh dear, how embarrassing! I've just looked it up and what I actually meant was 'mannequin.' I've been spelling that wrong for about forty years. Worse still for 20 of them I was a professional seamstress and highstreet retail haberdasherer. :oops:

I'll just do a quick edit and then I'll get my coat ... :mrgreen:
All aspects of language are tools of the poet; line-broken narrative serves an intent.
Take cliché, miss pelling and hyphen'd syllabics. Mould them with form and artistic intent. :-)

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Re: Week of First Drafts - Saturday - Extended Metaphor

Post by bodkin » Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:34 pm

I think you were a bit unlucky there, manikin or mannikin seem to be alternative spellings of mannequin, but not manakin unfortunately.

Don't worry, you're not the only one, it still takes me three attempts to spell excersize, err exersize, err exercise...

And as for manoeuauevere...
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