Word cloud 16/05/2010

Beat writers' block here.
Post Reply
User avatar
bodkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3181
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:51 pm
antispam: no
Location: Two inches behind my eyes just above the bridge of my nose.

Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by bodkin » Sun May 16, 2010 9:59 pm

This is a word-cloud exercise. Click the link below to see the word-cloud (you will need Java working in your browser).

Study the cloud and try to find groups of words which inspire you to some sort of poem. You do not need to use every word and you can add as many extra words as you need to build the scaffolding around them.

You can also adjust the words exact forms: run -> ran, train -> trained, horse -> horses etc.

Cloud

There is no end-date for the exercise, I will put another one up in a week or so...

Ian

p.s. no prizes for spotting the famous poem this cloud is from, there will be extra credit if your poem is nothing like the original.
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

Ros
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 7961
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 4:53 pm
antispam: no
Location: this hill-shadowed city/of razors and knives.
Contact:

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by Ros » Mon May 17, 2010 3:10 pm

I think that one wins the extra credit! I'm not sure about the emotion in that last line - sincere, or sarcastic?
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
___________________________
Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk

brianedwards
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 5375
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:35 am
antispam: no
Location: Japan
Contact:

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by brianedwards » Mon May 17, 2010 3:14 pm

Ros wrote:I think that one wins the extra credit! I'm not sure about the emotion in that last line - sincere, or sarcastic?
Mmm . . . dunno. I'll let you know when the dust settles, this one's pretty fresh on the page. I started off with the idea that the speaker is suppressing laughter, thinking Barrow ridiculous, but somehow it morphed . . . it may well morph back.


B.

User avatar
bodkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3181
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:51 pm
antispam: no
Location: Two inches behind my eyes just above the bridge of my nose.

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by bodkin » Mon May 17, 2010 7:45 pm

I think the segue from slightly mocking to serious emotion is coming through in the poem. I actually provides some development and a point of arrival at then end...

I'm not sure I was expecting sonnets, although I have delivered sonnets myself when not expected.

This is very good. I will have to post something trite now, just so we don't overload on erudition!

Ian
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

User avatar
bodkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3181
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:51 pm
antispam: no
Location: Two inches behind my eyes just above the bridge of my nose.

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by bodkin » Mon May 17, 2010 8:05 pm

So red this morning, lives torn
from his account-book. An economy
has to turn, so he must trade
but first wash down the block with water,
so business-like. Nobody
can see he should be white glazed,
pale and dissolving like tissue
left in rain, too much depends
on the market. He sets his
face and wheels the barrow
of dead chickens into town.

--

(Resisting the urge to call this: Poultry Sum)
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

Ros
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 7961
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 4:53 pm
antispam: no
Location: this hill-shadowed city/of razors and knives.
Contact:

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by Ros » Mon May 17, 2010 8:08 pm

bodkin wrote: (Resisting the urge to call this: Poultry Sum)
That sort of spluttering sound people make sometimes.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
___________________________
Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk

Pauline
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 947
Joined: Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:30 pm
antispam: no

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by Pauline » Mon May 17, 2010 9:48 pm

Red tulips dance light heartedly
between walls of white and gold daisy’s
on gay wallpaper.
It’s spring and all the flowers
are the first to celebrate.
The artist, a gentle man
sits upon an upturned wheelbarrow
and paints the youth and beauty
of a young housewife
while her children play games
beside a nearby young sycamore.
Chickens meander freely
in the desolate field beyond.

brianedwards
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 5375
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:35 am
antispam: no
Location: Japan
Contact:

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by brianedwards » Tue May 18, 2010 2:03 am

bodkin wrote:So red this morning, lives torn
from his account-book. An economy
has to turn, so he must trade
but first wash down the block with water,
so business-like. Nobody
can see he should be white glazed,
pale and dissolving like tissue
left in rain, too much depends
on the market. He sets his
face and wheels the barrow
of dead chickens into town.

--

(Resisting the urge to call this: Poultry Sum)
Obviously I can't help but read this in the light of recent political events, which is fun. It's a little leaden though, needs some sparks I think.
First line "lives" -- I misread this as a verb.

Thanks for posting the exercise.

B.

~

User avatar
bodkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3181
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:51 pm
antispam: no
Location: Two inches behind my eyes just above the bridge of my nose.

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by bodkin » Tue May 18, 2010 2:44 pm

brianedwards wrote:
bodkin wrote:So red this morning, lives torn
from his account-book. An economy
has to turn, so he must trade
but first wash down the block with water,
so business-like. Nobody
can see he should be white glazed,
pale and dissolving like tissue
left in rain, too much depends
on the market. He sets his
face and wheels the barrow
of dead chickens into town.

--

(Resisting the urge to call this: Poultry Sum)
Obviously I can't help but read this in the light of recent political events, which is fun. It's a little leaden though, needs some sparks I think.
First line "lives" -- I misread this as a verb.

Thanks for posting the exercise.

B.

~
I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no idea what those political events would be...?

Has a free-market economy killed a large number of people by some misadventure somewhere?

Ian
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

paisley
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:16 am
antispam: no
Location: farther

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by paisley » Wed May 19, 2010 5:13 am

Post-haste

The foggy white window panes
match the expression on her face.
The mail will be late.

Buckets over flow with rain
washing everything that leaves a trace.
The mail will be late.

Chickens dance beside his old ford,
his wheel barrow now tipped up.
The mail will be late.

Behind the wheel he always soared.
Her glazed eyes on his coffee cup,
his mail was never late.



Thank you, Bodkin, this was a fun exercise.
"A bit of stubble always remains to fuel the fire." Greta Garbo

User avatar
bodkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3181
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:51 pm
antispam: no
Location: Two inches behind my eyes just above the bridge of my nose.

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by bodkin » Wed May 19, 2010 1:35 pm

pauline5 wrote:Red tulips dance light heartedly
between walls of white and gold daisy’s
on gay wallpaper.
It’s spring and all the flowers
are the first to celebrate.
The artist, a gentle man
sits upon an upturned wheelbarrow
and paints the youth and beauty
of a young housewife
while her children play games
beside a nearby young sycamore.
Chickens meander freely
in the desolate field beyond.
You have a typo: "daisy's" for "daisies"...

And you have "young" twice in three lines, which is a little noticable during the read...

But I like the liveliness of this, and I like the twist at the very end.

Maybe "desolate" is not quite le mot juste, e.g. perhaps more applicable to a wasteland than to a field. "unkempt" or "neglected" might shift the emphasis towards the idea that somebody is responsible for the bad state of the field (which is where I think you are coming from)...

Enjoyed.

Ian
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

User avatar
bodkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3181
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:51 pm
antispam: no
Location: Two inches behind my eyes just above the bridge of my nose.

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by bodkin » Wed May 19, 2010 1:39 pm

paisley wrote:Post-haste

The foggy white window panes
match the expression on her face.
The mail will be late.

Buckets over flow with rain
washing everything that leaves a trace.
The mail will be late.

Chickens dance beside his old ford,
his wheel barrow now tipped up.
The mail will be late.

Behind the wheel he always soared.
Her glazed eyes on his coffee cup,
his mail was never late.



Thank you, Bodkin, this was a fun exercise.
Hey Paisley, no problemo, I'm intending to do them roughly weekly, so please keep joining in...

This is rather fun and I like the repetition.

The only stumble for me is that in the very last line, I'm not quite sure why it is significant that the mail wasn't actually late. I'm sort of wondering if "her" mail is late but "his" not? Or else that the pessimism was unwarranted? I only mention it because I think the poem would pack more of a wallop if I had been clear where I arrived at the end of it.

Ian
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

paisley
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:16 am
antispam: no
Location: farther

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by paisley » Wed May 19, 2010 3:17 pm

Sorry. Oops.

He was the local mailman but no longer delivers the mail,
maybe he got picked up for speeding?
got assigned a new route?
or died in a mailtruck accident?
Retired?

No matter, the rain'll take care of it.

I'll play this again.
"A bit of stubble always remains to fuel the fire." Greta Garbo

Pauline
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 947
Joined: Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:30 pm
antispam: no

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by Pauline » Wed May 19, 2010 6:27 pm

Cheers Ian.
This is just a play about with titles of poems written by William Carlos Williams, who wrote The Red wheelbarrow.
I have included 9 titles and odd words from the titles of a few other of his poems, one of them being "The desolate field."
Two clouds for the price of one.
This also explains the overuse of "young."
Thanks for the feedback.

User avatar
bodkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3181
Joined: Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:51 pm
antispam: no
Location: Two inches behind my eyes just above the bridge of my nose.

Re: Word cloud 16/05/2010

Post by bodkin » Wed May 19, 2010 9:23 pm

pauline5 wrote:Cheers Ian.
This is just a play about with titles of poems written by William Carlos Williams, who wrote The Red wheelbarrow.
I have included 9 titles and odd words from the titles of a few other of his poems, one of them being "The desolate field."
Two clouds for the price of one.
This also explains the overuse of "young."
Thanks for the feedback.
Ooh, that's too clever for me!

Although it is a useful thing to note, that sometimes working within some constraint, like a 10-words exercise or deliberately using 9 WCW titles can produce really original poetry, and if you then do one final edit which puts aside the constraint and just looks at the poem in its own right, then you can end up with something very good. e.g. when enough time has passed after the event for me to be able to see it dispassionately, I sometimes drop one or two of the words from a 10-words exercise to strengthen what is left...

Ian
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

Post Reply