New Exercise/Response Poem1

Beat writers' block here.
Post Reply
Antcliff
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6601
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
Location: At the end of stanza 3

New Exercise/Response Poem1

Post by Antcliff » Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:43 pm

Take one of your best/least bad poems.

Read it again.

Write a poem that is a response to it.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Sharon
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 3:42 am

Re: New Exercise/Response Poem1

Post by Sharon » Wed Sep 14, 2016 1:28 am

Hello all. I haven't been on in forever. Please allow me this "warm-up". Seth, I'm glad for these exercises, as I'm awful rusty! Need to dabble about a bit to get things going once more.



An old one of mine with a so-so title (titles always give me fits!)


To Hush an Ocean


It starts with the decadent decision
yawning through the torso
like the tug of surf at buoys, deep-chained
and leaning. You might be sitting

in an armchair, entertaining
fresh-scrubbed visitors, or on the phone
with the grade school principal.
It never matters. You obey

regardless. You walk outside.
The patio is yours, the bistro table,
the pink begonia bowing to the hummingbirds--
all yours. The ashtray, too.

The orange tip, the acrid pull. The way your hands
do this: autopilot, graceful. The smoke
a grey veil, curling. The old knowledge
in the veins; the tides now calming
on the surface. Calm.




And an attempt at response:


Thursday comes hectic, dizzy with doctors,
missed messages, bills and flat tires.
Janet calls; your brother will soon
be open beneath the surgeon, like a
red lily, wet and helpless.
What they don't tell you

on the back of the Chantix package
beside the dosing instructions
and side effects, what doesn't quite show
between the lines:
no matter how many
pages of calendars pass,
No matter how long ago...

when it all hits the fan, (as it will, and does)
that stupid patio still calls. That damn begonia.

Ros
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 7965
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 4:53 pm
antispam: no
Location: this hill-shadowed city/of razors and knives.
Contact:

Re: New Exercise/Response Poem1

Post by Ros » Wed Sep 14, 2016 8:12 am

I like it Sharon, particularly

be open beneath the surgeon, like a
red lily, wet and helpless.

Very arresting image!

Keep at it.

Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
___________________________
Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk

Antcliff
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6601
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
Location: At the end of stanza 3

Re: New Exercise/Response Poem1

Post by Antcliff » Wed Sep 14, 2016 1:31 pm

Ros wrote:I like it Sharon, particularly

be open beneath the surgeon, like a
red lily, wet and helpless.

Very arresting image!

Keep at it.

Ros
Hi Sharon! With Ros, very striking image.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Sharon
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 3:42 am

Re: New Exercise/Response Poem1

Post by Sharon » Thu Sep 15, 2016 12:14 am

Thank you, Ros, and Seth.

Post Reply